What if...

I got to thinking about how different the world would be if people chose to do differently than was intended, if things were intended. For instance, what if Eve decided not to eat the fruit? or Peter not to deny Christ or CHrist not to suffer for all mankind? let alone all the little things like my parents, what if mom decided not to marry dad?

This thought was caused by thinking about Lost SEason 1, and my children. I wonder if that is why Heavenly Father wants us to stay together, I had my children though, and I love Brandall he just won't love me, so I give up, I think sometimes the reason he married me was because of the uniqueness of me not giving up when anyone in their right mind would. I love Nick and He loves me, End of story. I believe that we would be happy together. anyday, I don't even have to be told that I'll get it, like the sernoMaybe I married Brandall as preparation. Everyone keeps tellingme that they know Heavenly Father loves me. I know that, too, but why won't he just send an angel or something? I really want to do what is right, I am willing to endure great and terrible things, it just seems un fair sometimes, that's why I think the adversary must have some claim. I think of Job, and how Satan tried to tempt him, but he stood firm, amid everythig. I think of Martin Harris alot and how he plans of God will not be frustrated, so if I fail, things will still happen as they should nothing depends on me, but for my sake anyway. Well, I would trade mortal happiness for eternal blisshat then? It seems to me that I will still have everything I wanted or planed for in this life.

right now there are many obstacles in my way, but that It couldbe a destination is very conforting. I just wish Brandall would tell me that he knows that he should divorce me.then I would know what to do. I certainly don't want to mess with the eternal plan of things. I need to have more hope and walk by faith. Everythings going to be alright, somehow. It just doesn't change my current anguish.