suicide viable solution?

these videos will probably help others, but they don't apply to me. I'm not a teenager, and No one does undrstand. I went through therapy and everything. all people can say is that I should be fine, WEll, I'm not.

I juswant to make progress. the thing that keeps me from killing myself is my belief in God, that I will be held accountable, there is no way to redo or escape, I don't like my struggle, but I won't give up and let Satan win. I just want to Know something. I am tired of believing. I watched that stupid DNA vs. the BoM video, but was entirely unimpressed with science. I am a withering flower, I need my nourishment! If my husband would quit being an idiot I would be ok.

I need to take charge of my own life, everyone else is messing it up. urrrgh! that makes me want to quit. I don't even know what I can do. there must be something.