What I learned about fasting

Yesterday, I knew that I needed help, so I Decided to be exactly obedient instead of haphazardly fast. My children wanted to say my prayer with me, so I obliged. They decided to fast all night in their beds. :) Anyhow, we prayed that we would understand fasting better.

I learned that the Lord does answer our prayers. One girl, a couple of years ago, said she taught on her mission that fasting was prayer on steroids.

As I taught things about fasting to my. Children, I could tell my mind was filling up with brilliant ideas. One was about how it was not really a commandment. That explained why dad never fasted. But, my own thought that I kept to myself was that if you have a health reason not to fast, that is,exactly when you need to. But, it is not a commandment or obligation, and if you need to rely on man, do so. Fasting is only sort of a spiritual way of kissing or showing your unexacted devotion to your creator.

Faith is action

There is a huge Gulf between what people say and what they do,  and until the gap is bridged mankind will be seperated from God, and from Heaven.

I used to get excited about the word "Action". Because, something must be done, not just said, like the scripture:

25 Forasmuch as this people draw near unto me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their hearts far from me, and their fear towards me is taught by the precepts of men.

This is from the book of Mormon where The prophet quotes Isaiah, and I quote him, funny, huh. But, his purpose was to excite people to act as was Isaiah's. And, it is always the case when a prophet of God comes to try to help reunite the people of Earth with their creator.

The prophet paul mentioned a thing I have heard a song of, grace. To me, grace is essential, and Paul was not denying it, just as none can deny evolution. It is essential to do things that must be done. We need grace to ever even be acceptable vessels fit for Heavenly life,  but, grace without works profetteth(is that a word, maybe mispelled) nothing. But, what is work? No, really, define it. My son asked me the otherday what work was when I told him successful families are founded on many things including work. He said, "Yeah, Dad goes to work all the time!" And when I told him, not that kind of work, he asked " What is work?" The best way I could tell him was doing something.

I had heard it before and so it came to my mind again this morning, as I thought on this, that faith is an action word. In other words, it is a verb. So the key to turning earth into a Heaven is believing.

not included

I took very good notes again of the general women's conference, but there was a very profound thing I never even mentioned. It made the largest impression on me, as it has been on my mind a lot.

There is a reason it was not included. It was a time when I was so intrigued that I stopped typing and was absorbed in just observing. It was not prepared "talking", well, it was a video. Talking about how much impact one woman made on others, and these others were trying to explain it, ends up the woman they were reffering to was a woman behind the camera (as is the typical place for the wisest one) and she commented how the person they were describing sounded unreal infact she really wanted to know who on earth this super woman could be. She sounded like someone everyone would want as a friend. Boy, was she shocked when she found out it was her.

At first, I thought, oh yeah, how realistic is it that everything would just,happen in a way that it would make a perfect video. They were actors and no doubt used fancy equipment, etc. But, then I told myself to look beyond a bit, like people who criticize the logistics of the Book of Mormon. That misses the point. The idea was born somehow and likely effected others for so much good. I support that!

What was not mentioned is how badly I wanted to be that kind of person and I always feel like a court jester running around trying to figure what is. One person said how this person just loves me even with no reason. I love that!

Bedtime.

why cancer would be too easy

I was thinking about how we We are told to be mindful of others because we do not know what they are presently going through. And each trial is suited for the one who endures it. It is to help them get stronger.

I have gone through suicidal times and I realized it was a trial suited to me, I was not lucky enough to be stricken with Cancer, because death is no struggle for me because I am too self centered.

I have seen in movies where to truly torture them or get information they do not threaten the life of the torture subject, but, the lives of others.

It is a matter of finding what matters to the individual. For me cancer just doesn't paint me into any corners or make me desperate, so there's a tip do not threaten to take my life, my concern is not too high for me or for you. Or I would protest you being punished for killing me, but right now, I feel rather apathetic.

brain dump

From St. John we come to church to hear God's word.

Favorite part of many to remember was not spiritual per se, but a thing that the leader did to show they were human and silly, too.

Girls welcomed a girl who came late and that was important to feel accepted.

Gospel is black and white, and found a scripture to support it like one always will if it is good and inspired of God.

Girls camp taught how important "life checks" are to make sure we are always 100 percent doing what is good. Often we do not even realize or take note of the others who are watching us to see what we will do.

Top ten things learned at girls camp:
1)Good Habits save us.
2) Being organized helps things run smoother
3) Origin of snakes
4) some one will always help
5)jokes don't get old
7) Girls have better water fights than scouts.
8) Things are Black and White in the Gospel


(I do not remember the others)

God will help if all we have is a desire to know. Look in the scriptures to find the truth.

Testimony of church, program, and prophets, she does in no way doubt anything about or taught therein is not true.

It is important to stepback and see the larger picture and we can see the beauty of how everything fits together.

Example of a plain ugly rock and then a piece of puzzle if we focus on the piece and fail to understand the place we occupy or the eternal perspective,the little piece doesn't look at all like the final puzzle, and focusing on it will not do any good.

Hold fast to what you know and more will come. (Example that comes to mind immediately is how

We are all at different stages. Maybe say things in the hall when you see a youth, you will be strengthened by associating with such strong people.

YW in particular glow and radiate so much when they are having good days!!!

We do not even know what the rest of the world is going through.

We are here on earth to learn to become like Jesus Christ. And it is a sacrifice so it reminds us of the Lord's sacrifice.

The temples and such have already been promised to us so .

The word lucky doesn't translate, but blessing or being blessed does.

Neither us or our children would not have the testimonies we do without paying our tithing.

It is an acknowledgement of our gratitude in being able to pay.

My dad used to say how the miracle of tithing is that you are blessed to know how to use the funds.

"I can do more with 90% and blessings than I could do with 100% anyway."

We can donate and the Lord knows better how to use those funds.

We can be truly annonymous in giving to others by stating such on the tithing slip, it will never be known by the other review

Bravery goes with sunlight, but campfire pushes back darkness.

In the movie Castaway, the man had no religion.

It is not as significant when is Sabbath, but that you do remember the Lord, we need to have such a worshipful sundays as when we need it like alone in the dark.

When your family accepts the gospel even though you were good already, you are strengthened and improve, most note eternal perspective.

Mention is made of good people who try to do right without revelation and inspiration of the gospel.

(The example for me was my parents who it was threatened they were disowned if they joined the church, they did and my grandparents notice the huge differences between my parents children and my cousins and they are very good church attending people, but you can see the difference in lifestyle and accomplishments.

movies

My thoughts begin (for the sake of otherwho might try to follow, note this is not situational or chronological.) First it is a scene from Dune where the Benejesert Mother has cone to test Paul and his mother,lady Jessica fears for him, but he survives the trial of the box proving his worth. The mother says that she senses his mother's teachings. This scene is important to all else because it says that so,much of what we do is a result of the things that we have been taught.

Next thought came as a result of the movie 17 Miracles. There is a comment made in the credits that tells that in the research of the stories the one of Sarah Frankes and George Padily(which is by far my favorite and I figured it was the most holywoodized). It says that theirs was one of the greatest love stories ever. James E. Faust, who was favored by me already, actually had the two sealed although they were never married. My father-in-law said such a thing was not allowed. But, I was not making it up. I pondered and at one point researched what of Sarah's children, with the man who she did marry. I remembered what Jesus said when he was asked a similar question about who would be together in a crazy circumstance, he just said that those who asked did not understand marraige.

As a member of a church with the full gospel in the latter days, I knew that there was so much that I did not understand yet, but it was available to be understood and this was such a morsel. It has always been a top concern of mine who my children would be "sealed" to, but through this movie, today I realized a new concept to share that even though we do understand many great and significant things pertaining to families, we do not openly knowand accept the eternal nature of our eternal situation of families. But, really how could we in our perceptions honestly percieve many things. This must I fully believe that the most important thing we need in this life is our choice of companion. We have solemn duties to our children but most important is to enable them the true happiness that can only be found through being sealed to a worthy eternal companion(equally yoked means we will have to compare and judge the worth although worth might be more potential).

10 years ago

Ten years to this day I was released from the hospital and told it might take a short time to fully recover, if I did at all. I looked up recovery times for Brain Injuries and a short time was 10 years, and I can eat, walk, and talk, but I am unable to take consolation from the fact that I was young and more likely to recover. Wow TEN years later. And I felt old then...

Regarding prayer

One could say so much about prayers, but this morning my thoughts were overflowing with this one thought that God already knows what we need before we realize it, and yet we beg him. It is because we know that he has the power to help us.
While I was thinking about this, I remembered a thing my Dad and mom told my older brother about our Algebra teacher, Mr. Vebee.

My dad was struggling in his class, although he is an incredibly bright student. My mother just aces the class, as with all of her classes. It seemed she knew what was required and did it. Both my older brother and I had this same teacher, funny my best friend was his aide, and my brothers age, further strange is that my cousin now teaches in that very classroom. Anyhow, the Teacher had decided that my brother took after my father, and so, my brother struggled, but was offered help at any time, which he seemed to refuse, and so the teacher decided that he did not have my mother's nature, but took after my dad. So, backstory over my parents were explaining to my brother how he needed to take advantage of the help offerred. It did not imply that he was stupid, but that the teacher needed to see that he would be humble enough to do what was required, and my brother did not need to be taught how to do math, but how to live life.

Today, my thought, "what's that, Pythagoras?", is that praying is for our benefit. It is an act of humility to acknowledge that we need help and are willing to recieve it.

I have a better story to tell about memorizing pi to 100 digits, but it has very little to do with the subject matter, so I will give it mention, lest I forget it forever, but I will not tell it at this point.

prayer songs

I cannot remember if it is that songs are prayers of the heart or prayers are songs of the heart. My memory is getting senile, this morning my son said that someone was dead. But, they were absolutely not dead. Do I told him that they were not dead and he assured me it was alright, it was just his body, we will see him again. It really was so cute that I wanted to remember it, but I cannot remember who it was. It was someone on tv because I told him that I could just turn on the tv if I wanted to see him.again. He got so excited and thought it was so cool that dead people could still make movies for us. Oh well, the point of the anecdote was to demonstrate how terrible my memory is.

It was decided that no matter how the phrase goes, I tend to write songs when I long to pray about something which is pretty much all of the time. I am going to start Jotting down my prayers Incase I ever meet a famine of songs. There is definately an abundance of songs to write right now. I suppose it is why they used the phrase "my heart sings".

I cannot recall how I came across it, but somewhere, somehow I heard a comment made by Regina Specktor about how she has a vast backlog of song ideas.

Belief in science could kill you

How believing in science could literally kill you should be a quick explanation.

If you choose to believe in science and empiricism for truth, then you no longer believe that you were created for any purpose, but evolved. Well, why bother making yourself look better to find a mate if you simply are not the fittest? Further, if you believe you evolved into your form, what is the point of disliking it? Nature will either select who you are or not, no fretting or disliking anything about you is going to help.

charity

The title made me laugh like the song " I walk by Faith" because I had a good friend named Charity who was a preacher's daughter, and we knew a girl named Faith who lived in a Funeral parlor, so I'd always wonder if she had Heavenly Parents, or if I ought to walk beside someone else.

Anyhow, none of my thoughts are about Charity, ya know most of my best friends were preacher's kids, Marcia was my best friend of all and both of her parents were Methodist preachers. Her mom was the preacher at my Grandmother's church. I have 2 things to pass on socially to whomever may find this.

1) Although I really dislike being in constant need for the charity of others. I think it is because Heavenly Father already knows that I would give all I have. He needs no evidence. Or perhaps he is requiring something else of me. I remember being so upset after and during my divorce, that there was only one way I could understand, and it was through a story I read in the Book of Mormon where two preachers Alma and Amulek were imprisoned and anyone who believed the things the two taught were burned to death. One asked the other why this happened. Can't they or God intervene in theory bahalf? The reply answers so many unanswered questions for me. No, those people need more than their words to demonstrate who they are and the wicked people will not be punished because of what they had in their hearts to do, bit what they did.
Although, it often appears like judgement doesn't exists or doesn't seem fair to us, we can know that it has only been suspended. I apply the same thought to the fact that it seems unfair that I am not asked to give money because I would. 2) In a therapy session in Corinth, MS. A psychologist was very very wise and actually helpful. He encouraged me to keep on writing music explaining that for sounds to benefit others they do not need to be overly complex. But that the most simple melodies are so beautiful and as long as I had a heart, mind, and working finger I could write and perform beautiful piano music, anything else would just be a cop out. Regarding charity, he made it sound fortunate or lucky to be so deprived. He asked me first if I believed in Jesus Christ. Everyone always asks that. I thought. Ah hah! Maybe he is going to heal me! And he sort of did, through words.
He reminded me of the time Jesus commanded us to give to others. He said that the most precious blessing is made available to mankind if they can find someone to give to, so you are allowing others to get the greatest imaginable blessing in needing help, so, always accept it and remember what an honor it is to need.

Camelot Conclusion

Watching Merlin this morning's episode the crowned prince was preparing people for battle, and he taught fighting skills, sure, but I noticed another parallel between Authur and all other great English kings idolized in movies, part of their training or natural ability is to be a leader, I noticed that right before battle they give a great speech and it is that mental preparation that truly makes an army strong. I was predisposed to this idea through my admiration of Moroni in the Book of Mormon. His story provides standards and ideals much as Homer does with his "Odessey". Moroni rallies his folk mentally, by reminding them that they are not contending out of anger, but love of their homes and families. So, my conclusion is that Camelot is a story told to prepare English people to embrace a morality as ideal, and still today those are the same principles that we all believe in today and that Hollywood uses to spread them.

letter

My dearest,

Do not lament beauty lost, it served it's purpose. A tree pits so much effort into making apples and rippening them, so they can die well. Your physical appearance had it's limelight. You don't appreciate a thing you always had. This season is to use another attribute to focus on, like a seed, you grew and developed a beauty enough to catch the right sort of attention and just because you don't know about it, so what. Now, you must keep it, not your youth, but the attention worth having. There are other attributes that you will seriously regret if you neglect.

I love you.

Intelligent life

I thought so many other brilliant and sure thoughts about evolution had crowded out my question or at least disregard it as immature and silly anyway. But, as I was watch a movie with my kids my thoughts were situationally piqued. First, I thought of how important a little comment of keeping our passions in check. They were intended, but can run amuck. A fairy was struggling with listening to her heart. The queen fairy said following your heart is a good thing, but keep it in bounds your mind sets.

Anyhow, I am doing it again avoiding the question that I was glad to forget. It is regarding evolution. I always wonder is the long long time required just a shield to protect what is hidden underneath.

If evolution of mankind comes from a thing and does not just happen from the direction of a God then why does man not evolve into something else, or why are predessors not evolving into humans anymore? There, I said it. Now, time to make dinner.

Brain dump

Every single individual deserves to be recognized, as they are a child of God, and no matter what they accomplished, or lived on this earth, they are loved and wanted by God.

Someone was raised Jewish but believed in Jesus, so ofcourse, she accepted Mormonism.

Lives are like seeds of corn some did not grow due to the rain, others were slow due to needing more sunlight. This is like family members accepting the gospel we share. Some might need to be replanted.

Despite trials, our ancestors teach us that we must continue forward especially if we know a thing is true or that pearl of great price.

The youth particularly showed their divine spark, the spirits were needed to prepare the way for the second coming of our Savior.

Requests prayers for her son who is only 19 and called as a bishop.

Whatever you must do to grow closer to your father in Heaven is worth it.

A woman wanted to go on trek, but could not because she was blind and disabled, but found an ancestor who was blind etc, but still traveled.“

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart. ”

― Helen Keller

No greater work than temple work for our ancestors.

Sunday School

Out knocking doors and found a few people.

God knows us personally.

What is Holy Ghost, if part of Godhead, who is that? And yet, everyone has the light of Christ.

If we feel a thing,bit changes the fibre of our being. Like the story sister Sherrow is telling how now a thing is undeniable to her.

Evidence of difference of the Holy.Ghost by the difference of people who are in the same place but feel differently after recieving the gift of the Holy Ghost.

With Holy Ghost we can know more than said.

If you haven't had a thought in a while you might need to try harder.

When you are excommunicated, you definately know the difference and feel the lack of Holy Ghost, but when we always have it we do not notice it as much. In particular we as members of the church do not recognize that gift as much.

The difference between our church and other churches all seem to do good, but we have Holy Ghost, all things can be testified through the spirit.

Work, things come through work, perhaps that is what I ought to be learning.

What does the gift of Holy Ghost mean to you?

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Tithing should not be given in the chapel according to handbook.

Story about being a nany, who was asked who to vote for, and it hit home for her about significance of prophet, because a father asked how we knew God did not change his stand today on Same Sex marriage.

We have a prophet to make things clear to us, today.

We have continual befitting revelation.

Do we sustain the prophet and love him so much, but do we even know what he said.

Sometimes people will prefer earthly knowledge to revelation.

Obedience to things that he says even if he never actually says it by way of command. Example of ear piercings.

Know things and want to be baptized

You never know if a thing might happen and and your wayward son could end up a bishop... One woman said and that it was comforting to consider.

how to create a world

So, no one asked, nor is it likely that they will, but I wanted to say what I think about evolution vs. Creationism. It just seems to me that there is no either or conflict and neither disproved the other nor can which validated them.

I took Evolutionary biology and Astronomy at the same time intentionally that I might find similarities, and I did. I also formed two great ideas, one was validated by things I have heard regarding "natural forces" I thought about how gravity makes stars and as that pressure increases new atoms are formed, and it seemed obvious to me then that the moecules,needed to form initial organisms and most significantly, DNA can be made out of elements found in any given Nebula.

At a conference I attended where I was the young one of the group, I was able to ask questions that a more mature and wise individual would not. But, I really did not know. I made peace with so many things by saying, it is by design, there is always a different way to see it. Take McGuyver, for instance, he always saw a way where I did not. But, I understood a lot, and so much simply because of an old video I saw as a kid where Cleon Skousen said the universe is only made of two things. Things that act and things that act upon. I decided the preisthood was the power that acted upon, and preisthood is the power of God. My question was when the dinosaurs lived (as a kid I wanted to be a paleontologist). An older scientist guy took my silly question in stride and explained not only that it was foolish to think we could know, there are countless possibilities, but since I needed one, I could consider that the earth was created by chunks of another earth, and the fossils need not to have ever even lived here. With that idea, I thought, yeah God is all knowing so he naturally used pieces that would be old enough to form fossil fuels for us! How kind.

Now, how does this deal at all with evolution? The struggle many find is that in more immediate terms evolution is undeniable, so it MUST be. Infact we have used artificial (man lead) selection to bend evolution to our will. If A creator is honestly all knowing and powerful, then wouldn't he use evolution to create a nature that would naturally select a being like the one he wanted. Ok, so maybe God used Evolution just the way we have discussed it. So what?

what was wasted

;,, I have been so upset, like I get when a long winded email is lost, but worse. I know that I still exists and can generate whatever I thought was lost, oh! That reminds me of one thought I typed out and lost, it was in a talk someone mentioned the things we had learned in full in the pre existence. In the words such things like baptism by immersion. My instant thought was that no wonder we instantly recognize such truths when we hear them. In particular was a video about Wilford Woodruff seeking to be baptized the proper way, so he asked a preacher who at least practiced immersion, but he just FELT or was convinced that other parts of the ordinance were lacking. I also thought of my brother's pat. Blessing where he was reminded about how quite often he (my brother) had to have teachings reirterated or explained at the feet of God himself. Anyway, sure I may have forgotten  things that I once knew and put into particular words, but the same ideas are part of who I am and become.

I was thinking about how glad I would be to have these projects over because I spend all of my time working on this stuff, but even my sleep is suffering. I wondered if I would really even accomplish more when I finish making these dresses for instance. But, I had almost stopped completely using social media after so many convincing testimonials about how doing so would free up your time so much. I have only filled it with other things.

Then, I candidly reminded myself how my time was still being depleted, but it was being used to serve others. Serve? Ah yes! I remembered a scene from a old film "Labor of Love" where a returning missionary compares the things a flight attendant says to a missionary teaching of things that are actually quite important. Well, to me the doorknob is about how we cannot help others if we are dead, so take care of your oxygen mask first. And then all things remind me of Tal Bachman, I am just going to stop acknowledging it. There is a very neat video I saw of him playing a Jazz riff with his dad on guitar singing something about looking out for number one. Kevin Montgomery wrote a song along those lines too about seeing global troubles and trying to put a bandaid on it with a five dollar bill (regarding poverty), but, better examples have mentioned service as essential to getting out of a rut of self pity or such. To help yourself you look outward and help others and place their concerns in your mind....

Then another pressing matter comes to mind. Sunday observance, or Sabbath. The idea being that we need a day of rest. A few points of significance were mentioned, but most significant to me was that our observance is a measure of our love, faith, committance to our Father in Heaven and his plan.

I always like to demonstrate how Sunday is a day we get to put off all of the things we cannot seem to get to, but desire to do instead of a day when nothing is allowed too often my kids say, "...but we can't do that on Sunday..." I thought well, hah! I could still do these things on Sunday. That is the trouble, I get no break or catch up time. Then, I thought of the things I will actually do when I finish all of my projects. It hit me like a ton of bricks falling on me. I can assign value to my time by asking why am I doing this. Even service projects seem to dull. Like, making dresses for Mary isnice and she likes and needs them, but she is just going to outgrow them, but she will grow up knowing her mom loves her and that feeling will generate more, but it is not the clothes that I am making, but feelings. So, it's not wasted.

But, when I thought about what was secondary, my family history, cause it is really a time user. It is an addiction or such (how I look.at it). But. Then, I thought, but my Pat. blessing reminds me to keep eternal perspective. The consequences of my work is more lasting and does not pertain to this world as much as it does eternity. That's it. Other things can wait, maybe this can too, but it has....oh,oh, another quote came to mind. It was by Brigham Young, "Be patient in waiting... to understand."

mishap

I'm bummer. I took extremely good notes that while I sumarized things I could not wait to get to my fortress of solitude and reflect for a long time on various things, I did not understand well enough yet, that is why I took notes, right? Well, at one point at the end of the meeting, ironically much was said about taking our children to meetings even if they are so rowdy. While I cared for my tired and restless kids, somehow everthing was selected and replaced with accidentally typed nonsense like jklkjijhj.

Motherhood

Before I had any concept of what life as a mother would be. I claimed that I found my home in academia. I would accept mot herhood if presented with that option. I would go so far to seek it out, but I loved learning. Now, that I have actually done both, attend college and raise children, I know why I felt Academia was home. Up to that point it was the only place where I learned so much that directly influenced who I became (other than church). I always was "churchyard" and it is likely because of the same reason. Well, being a mother teaches so much more than university professors do. The only thing I can compare the outpooring of information to is temple attendance (for latter-day saints) or scripture study.

And that is why I strongly encourage motherhood as both a full-time profession an education.

Cosmology

I am undeniably obsessed with understanding the universe and I feel passionately about things I could not possibly understand.

For instance determining the age of the earth. Well, to me it seems a group passing a theory off as a fact. It is what it is, afterall. Shakespeare put it best when he wrote, "a rose by any other name would smell so sweet." But, for this idea to be a fact it assumes the big bang theory is correct, but I do not know why, but I do not feel it is. It is a lot like Mormonism being dependant on the book of Mormon being true or not. It is called a keystone. Likewise dating the earth by an asteroid bit assumes you ascribe to the big bang THEORY.   I just do not know enough yet, so the question is am I willing to do what it takes to find out? Everything suggests I ought to be.

time is going so slowly

I feel like I ought to be DOING something, but nothing cones to mind. This us usually when I bake or do yarn crafts. Here's a novel idea. Go to beduh, but I want to accomplish something Maybe I will work on a project or play Minecraft for a while, my kids are asleep so they won't know, but God will. It seems too disrespectful or menial to do that when I can do it any other day. If I do love and appreciate all I have, I should uh, I got nothing. Wait, I know! Pray. That's it. It's an action, right?

that's power

So, I was thinking about a line in the movie "Annonymous" where a man notes the power from being seen by so many people. I still think, like a flower pollenating over long distances. The best way to pollenate so many minds is through popularly great positions.

I think of the great and powerful effect one songwritter had on some many, by placing his ideas in many minds through recieved songs.

Now, that is power, and I see how there are too many people using that power for a sort of self definition or affirmation, because acceptance of what they say means acceptance of them. But, to me it just say that everyone falls in love and then experiences heart break. Maybe we propagate that notion. I think of "Princess Bride" and the idea formed in a generation of people that true love is rare. In college, I used to get angry that so many people believed the history ad Hollywood portrayed it. Is it not a combination of truths with rainbows and unicorns or whatever is most entertaining. What sells is what people want to see and then they believe it as true because they never go and read the true history. Going back to where I started the movie "Anonymous" is one theory about Shakespeare, but for many it will be the only history they ever know, sorta like polititian's signs around election time. If we see a name more often it will be most familiar when we see the ballot.

Hmmm.... Maybe I should study Marketing.

numb

I was thinking today about how I assume others care for eachother, but they do not really. Perhaps I am projecting my feelings on others, than was when I realized that I am a bit unfeeling because I have to be. If I cared as much as I suppose others do by nature, I would be a total wreck. My first born children and the man I loved entirely and promised to be with forever are in another part of the country. I simply could not handle the day to day life if I was not able to sort of turn off my feelings and be a tad numb to them. It effects my relationships with others.

how crochet is like life

As I was crochetting a dress for my daughter this morning and I learned a very priceless lesson and I feel like sharing it.

I follow the directions two ways. The same thing applies to life. Often, I like to see the finished product (like a completed puzzle), but sometimes, even though the part I am committing to will have long term effects that I do not see how it will turn out, I still do it, I just, although ignorant, am more cautious to obey exactly, and keep the directions nearby, looking at them often.

It is like because I do not have a clear vision of what I am doing or why I realize that my accountability is to the pattern not the end result. I need to have faith that the item I originally chose was represented well and that is what I want, and the pattern will lead me there though I do not understand how.

new conclusion

I have always avoided it cause it seemed evil and lazy, but the people weren't and never were, infact they seemed fortunate because, it is like the nurse told me at vanderbilt, it was a snapshot and although others appeared saintly, the dinner was headed for something. My nurse had MS and pushed me in a wheelchair, but said that in time she would deteriorate and I was rapidly improving everyday.

I want to be on the side that has a future that is full of potential, and is in need or being convinced. All my life I have taken the high ground always trying to lift others up, but, I have not arrived. There is a tier higher than me but I am not progressing. Now, I must admit, the final stepis where most failure occurs. Maybe clinging on for a bit longer would mean success. I am just tired of convincing and want to be convinced.

Yesterday, at an openhouse, the coolest thing was read. It was from the Scriptures, the very thing that holds the mysteries of God for mankind. Ok, so it was a parable of Jesus Christ. And have you evernoticed that those who are invited to the supper have excuses, valid ones, so the ones who attend and benefit the most are those who need the most. Well, I would rather be the needy than the one too busy to accept an invitation...

free to choose wrong

The thing I will publicly consider today is the insightful comment made by a stranger today when they explained how they knew that they were loved.

I was a bit upset by theunderstanding that God could not actually force anyone to do what was right. I finally made peace with the fact that it was likely my wishes and prayers that caused pain and heartache for others, but it is now rediculous to even consider it. Because I felt so much guilt for sort of praying for a sunny day when the farmers were in need of rain. So, I got my sunshine while they withered and perished. It made me feel terrible for thinking it was what I,needed to be happy. Well, so I have been praying so hard to try to make up for wanting a thing for my happiness that might hurt anothers, then this comment helped today. " The Lord chastened those he loves." How did that help? As I was praying for something to help any I thought my desires had indirectly hurt, I got this response: "what is it you expect me to do?" Think of the scene from "Bruce Almighty" where even with God's powers he cannot bend another's will. That was the sort of way I felt about my praying that someone be fixed back to what they were, like it was my fault anyway is crazy, but people have their agency, they always do. Sure, God can prefer a way over another or even command is to obey, but he cannot force us. But, the thing someone pointed out is that God does love us so much that he will try to chasten us if we do not behave the way that is best for us. So, by being corrected sharply, might seem harsh it is a way for us to see the correct way. Or way that we should have chosen. This will change my prayers. Although, I do not want to seem mean spirited, I do pray that if my prayers were wrong or caused anyone harm that they/we will be chastened and be able to know the way that God wants things wether or not they are chosen.

This person said in their testimony that because we have agency, at times God allows is to choose a way contrary to the way he would prefer, but ultimately. He will chastened and let us know what we should have done to be the best possible us we can be.

On a similar note, I think that I have been told what to do, but allowed to make my own choice, but, I did kit choose the path that would be the best for me and so my trial is that until I pick the right path, I will get sicker and sicker until I die. It gas already been made known, it is no secret that I ought to be alive and it is the goal, so, I must obey God, my life depends on it.

brain dump

Work and service important to farmers. Named cars. Sherman Tank. Rode to Idaho. It was always useful to fix cars or atleasr help others get back on the road.

Do what we can to help others. We actually promise that every week in sacrament. Also, think about the saviors life even we naturally think of loving service.

King Benjamin lesson for FHE.

Proverb that we will not be heard begging if we do no hear others around us... We are commandment actually with a predicated blessing.

Sacrament prayer that we get the greatest gift of having his spirit to be with us.

Helped minister the welfare program of the church as a welfare missionary in Argentina. And think of it. What a blessing it is to have this woman as my visiting teacher!

It is a blessing to even recognize how blessed we are it is a part of the blessing given from observance of the sacrament, a priesthood (power of God) blessing.

"Service is rarely convenient."

Often the sacrifice is not Sooo great to us, but we covenanted to look for ways to help one another.

***why do we give of ourselves? Think about this.

Bishop said that bishop called him and asked him to talk, but he did not know what to say.

Cannot play until work is done.

Bishop's storehouse took care of the people until they could get on their feet for whatever reason, this is still the case.

"Fast offering will heal and change lives."

Covenants are promise between two people. Joseph calls it a deal when we promise both sides.

The refiners fire will allow us to progress. Which must be done at some point so why not now?

Witnesses are important because blessings must be spoken word for word.

Promised to cherish someone when sealed.

Abraham stands next to Shem in the patriarchal order of the priesthood and would surely have received the priesthood from Shem; but D&C 84:5-17 says Abraham received the priesthood from Melchizedek.

A cool game was used to teach the children the 7 days of creation, by making hand gestures for each day. Also, the teacher make number cookies and then asked the kids to tell what was created on their day (as is represented by the cookie).

God

"...whisper this... God is" Gravity.

Reluctance

I have heretofore been reluctant to the point of secrecy. The things I create, are hidden mostly because of the huge gulf between the things I create and the things I admire. My father explained a similar dilemma that made no sense at the time, and that is probably why I still remember it. Although, admittedly, I remember most things my parents said or did because they were my role models and I wanted to create myself to be like them. I likely failed at that, too. My dad commented on how he could never seem to capture the sounds in his head when growing frustrated at trying to digitally input them and have a sound produced to record. I was always amazed at the pieces he composed, but the point seemed that he wasn't. His own expectations were some ideal in his head, to which he said, "you know, there is a time in every parent's life when he wonders if their kids know what aesthetics are..." or something similar.

Among the brilliant things my Dad taught me, he tried to explain the pictographic drawings of Abraham and explained that it taught us the path to greatness. The greatest of all is God or Heaven, supposing we could even see the brightest star with our mortal eyes.

I have been considering that a great deal because of my Minecraft obsession. I see so many incredible worlds and other creations that although I feel a sense of pride in my creations, I feel like they are far below the wonderful things I see and aspire to be able to create. I become reluctant to share where I am now. I do know every single one of those well-esteemed individuals had to pass through a begining, too, though.

I just gave a lesson, myself, where I learned far more than I taught. My lesson was about how the scriptures contain every answer that God has for us, and in my mind I think of the scripture about how we are commanded to let our light so shine. If I just shared what is to me substandard, it could be appreciated or converted into something of great use to another. I think about "my scientific discoveries" and how I got so excited when I discovered a truth or scientific law just to learn that it had already been discovered. And I sought a new field, thinking I would never have an original thought.

I was watching "Torchwood: Miracle Day" and in it, they noted a phenomenon called Morphic Fields, where isolated individuals have the same idea. So, it does not make an idea no less wonderful simply because someonelse has it, too. Instead, it means that it is significant.

Lastly, I think of the beacon of Gondor, where a flame is lit across the mountain peaks to send a message over a great distance. In the chain, each fire, though not original is continuing information to be delivered. And so, maybe by letting my light shine, it is part of a signal for others. I just saw an incredible video: The Afters - Light Up The Sky - Official Video: http://youtu.be/8LQH6UDi15s that inspired me, too.

I do not need to wait until after I die to disclose "what it is I do all day."

brain dump

Bore testimony of how aronic priesthood is the power of God.

His mother bore testimony was still strong although as of late she needed to focus her energy elsewhere.

Sending a child on a mission is as hard as other markers.

It took so much to not stalk her son on his first date... She worried as much when children went on mission.

If she had thought it through she would not have had do many children.

The kids went because they wanted to, she actually discouraged them from going, but they went because they knew it was what was required.

Opposed to making choices that make us miserable, even if anything happens we can have the peace of making choices that are bringing peace and happiness.

When we make poor choices, everyone suffers, not just the one who made the choice.

Recieve revelation even when we don't ask for it.

The restoration started back then, but it still continues are we sleeping through that right now? **we do not want to miss a thing.**

A good companion testifies of the thing the other says.

Is it enough to believe only?

Metaphor of Cake. It does us no good to just say that we believe a thing, like if I said that a cake tasted good. I can believe it tastes good.

In temple, thinking of? Sheepish grin. "Ice cream." She knows what is truly important.

I was over 50 before I realized how to fish right. I fish best when I sleep.

We are true and that difference sets our faith apart from others.

Churches work together in humanitarian aide.

Eternal power and authority of God.

Why do we need the priesthood? For salvation, it is necessary, organization, and understanding things.

Why do we have the extra quorum instead of just a head. Is not exactly like when Christ was on the earth.

Yeah, maybe you are not ready, but accept the call and get yourself ready.

where do I go from here?

I am totally at a point where all of the girlish lustre and confidence I had was because of a delusion. I realize, it was in vain.

problems in quantification

If you believe it is wrong to pick up sticks on Sunday, but you also believe it is wrong to have an unkempt yard and the clutter of sticks has been caused by the storm early Sunday Morning.

As you are out walking you see an old cabin with an untidy yard strewn with sticks, and the old widow there is blind, and you want to clean up her yard, but, really it is not your yard, so you decide that it is wrong or mathmatically 2 is better than 1. 1 is the messy yard, and 2 is not working. It is reasonable there for to walk on by because 2 is of more worth. Then a son offers you money to pick up the sticks. This has increased tge value of picking up the sticks, so we add one making 2 = 2. Using purely scientific reasoning now neither option is,truly better something must be done. You realize that what you choose will form who you become. And you believe that serving others always superceedes a rule, and you want to be someone who helps others, so you decide to pick up the sticks. Another sees you doing this and calls for a council to decide your fate. It is determined that you should be stoned for breaking a commandment, which thing you believed was just, but something seems wrong. You argue that you would not have done it but you were paid to do it. The son is outraged and runs home never paying you. You then say, "Well, I would have done it anyway." And this condemns you by the council because even if you had never acted, you have a disobedient heart. So all of that trying to reason things out by assigning value would never save you anyway.

but, what if it wasn't...

My thought started harmlessly. I was thinking about how obviously, neither money or physical charm mattered at all to me, and it always mattered to me, like I would show women how wrong they had been by valuing such things, but instead I find myself in degrees the lowest possible degree of happiness, and I was willing to.accept that I may have been wrong and that the absence of those things was foolish and vainity of a different kind. Then the real kicker crossed my mind. Ok, imagine the most repulsive destitute man possible. Could I fall in love if this man was everything else I adored? Well, yes. But, he would be attractive and rich to me. No sooner had I thought this than I recalled one of my favorite stories about a man who was telling his family how wonderful the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught in the LDS churches was, and even if it wasn't true, It would be so wonderful, but it was true. That is how I feel about love being true, sure of all of the many features, money and attraction are probably the most temporary, but they are part of the whole, so however you recognize what you want/need no thought truly matters.

My thought today

When a thing of epic proportions is about to occur, the background, like a stage, is set.

This morning, I do not recall the detail, but a thing was said that made me pause to wonder if the stage had not been set to facilitate comprehension, would I be incomprehensible, though not secret. Meaning, that I was not deliberately mysterious, but if the background had not been established, my comment would have been a mystery.

Then in Relief Society today we were discussing Joseph Smith and I thought about how the backdrop of religious fervor was necessary, and while I was thinking about how it prompted a young boy to search for truth where he had been taught to find it, and correctly, anyhow, while we were being taught about various ways that we can gain a knowledge of the truthfulness of the gospel we read an excerpt from John the Revelator where he clearly foretold the restoration coming before the Savior returns.

You know, it made me think about all of those parables where Jesus spoke but was not heard (understood). Even his apostles and the church leadership of the day did not even recognize the things that he was saying that are obvious to us. We have the proper perspective because of our background. So many things need to be in order for anything significant to happen.

Brain dump

A wonderful thing for a ward to have children. One bishop said after several baby blessings that when he was praying that ourc membership increase that was not what what he meant. , When we lack in testimony, read the book of Mormon. They screamed at the announcement of a temple in Haiti, now their family and old neighbors can go! Go and do temple work often. Depth of the meeting is it covers shouting for joy and then shedding tears and we do it together. We recieve confirmations of truth through personal ways that are undeniable. Priesthood is the power of God. Men recieve the preisthood through laying on of hands, my youngest son asked me why hands? And I thought of reasons, but I do not know. Obligations of the preisthood are foremost above reproach and honorable. That power reaches into the eternities. Even sister missionaries are blessed with that ability. When you are set apart you are given the rights and privileges that you need. The thing you get from it is almost too many to count, but it provides a protection. Just wondered and had to know personally if things were done because she was forced or if it was what she chose. The preisthood tempers the temperment. Third Wednesday temple trip carpool at 10am church parking lot. Hmmm maybe could get baby sitter? It is imortant in the beginng of anything that the stage be set like times were when Joseph Smith restored the church. World would recieve a warning before a very important event. Prayed not to know that church is true. But, that the BoM is true and Joseph Smith is a true prophet. It is easy to know by reasoning out that the church is true, but when we know a thing is true. Story where a man said, but it is true. We have to realize that Joseph Smith still guides his church today and has an active part.

Books and Movies

I wonder if God loves books and movies as much as I do. I figure there will be a whole lot of stories that will be enjoyed by watching progression unfold.

I was thinking about how we all love books and movies so much that we will pay enormous amounts of currency to see them. I have heard even the actors themselves say that the stories have a cathartic appeal. Well, don't we all scamper to see a film or read a book that we can relate to our own life? And it is even better when it is based on a true story because then the result can be more trusted, although any one wise enough to create a world has a trustable opinion, one we sort of ask for when we vicariously let them solve our life.

My concluding thought was that God has a book or movie to hate and enjoy, and I can imagine that quite well. I think of the way Greek gods are depicted as playing chesslike games with figurines that represent mortals, like us.

The reason our kids are not aprehensive

This thought is only in its infancy, but the case is getting stronger as it develops.

My thought began as I considered how my kids lack of concern regarding spyware and such was mistaken as courage. My thought was that they are so brazen because they are ignorant. sound logic, huh? Well, this is not that... as my mind conjured other examples two made me curious and have to stretch a lot to even see a relevance.

1) first was the deep throat Nixon scandal and the argument about how listening to private conversations was not acceptable, but in this situation such privacy protected criminals who could not be legally prosecuted? But, so what does that have to do with inhibitions?

2) Next, I thought how nothing could have such security really because regardless if anything was ever noted, God knew everything.

As I contemplated more, I thought, well, I govern my thoughts accordingly because I was taught this since birth. So, if we are used to a thing we live accordingly and if wr do not want to be afraid we establish life accordingly, children just accept realities that we never did. We have no problem with God knowing things, everything actually. But, we do not like to have the belief that we have secrets from one another challenged.

On Facebook, we have no problem sharing things, but have levels or catergories of trust, same thing.

Sunday Morning (Easter)

The building of temples is a clear indication of the church's growth.

We leave behind the world and it's obsessions and find the peace of the Lord in the temple.

Why is Easter important? Mostly because of the covenants that bestow peace that we will not ever truly be seperated from loved ones.

You have enough. And will have things that can be held on to.

(As you are concerned for your children do you not figure your parents feel similarly for you?)

Hold fast to what you already know and wait to get more.

The Joy promised through the acceptance of the Gospel of Jesus Christ does not proclude trials.

Challenging circumstances help increase our joy.

Our habits and choices online reflect our level of comittment.

We can instantly be transported to not actually "be" where we are with new technology.

Life is not constrained to a 4inch screen.

Seeing and not seeing is like how we can live in a location our whole lives but not ever see the local attractions because we take them for granted.

We can see a miraculous thing and then get so lazy that we fail to see or feel important things around us.

Do we enjoy the priveledges of our efforts, will there be more?

When the spirit is with us, it sharpens our senses.

If not renewed strongest testimonies can dwindle.

People loose their way.

Prodigal son asks for his inheritance and to leave, in this parable his father let him go.

We need to let them go if that is their will.

Although we cannot embrace so many choices we can still do what we can. We must wait and watch, but never stop hoping!

Like Lehi's dream, souls are lost because they loose grip of the iron rod.

All of us are lost, so we are only joining them and sharing what we have.

Prayed that his brother would make it home by himself.

He was saved at the last minute by his brother. But, the guy was willing to give up his life and was sure it was over when he failed.

We cannot understand or properly celebrate Easter or Christmas without Adam.

Though we might try we cannot understand the mysteries of God with our finite minds.

No matter what we do we will not be able to earn the means to pay for our sins although justice requires such.

Heavenly Father's expectations are much more grand than we can even imagine. To achieve such to be forgiveness is not enough.

We cannot purchase the grace of God through our goodness or works, but we naturally want to do works because we have a deep love for our Father in Heaven.

After all we can do. How do we even know that we have done all that we can do? (another talk said that there is always something to grasp) so, wouldn't it make ever gaining help impossible?

saturday afternoon session

Woah, was someone disagreeing with Heavenly Father in how he choses his church to be run?

15 million

Breaking window he assumed he would be in prison forever. We all feel fear that feels real. (Men's heart shall fail them.

Knowledge of the Lord dispersed fear (fear not and trust that I am God).

Peace of God trumps all fear.

1) look to Christ

Man only can focus on one thing at a time.

2) build upon the foundation of Christ.

3)Press forward with Faith in

We might be filled with fear at our judgement, but it will not be fear of God. We will fear accountibility for what we have done.

Marriage is more than your love for one another.

We need to show our obedience to keep our estate or physical body. We demonstrate our ability to live a celestial law.

Many things are good or important, but few, like marriage is essential.

Christ will compensate for everything we need.

Keep practicing.

Yelling in the dark does nothing to help. Contention does not invite the spirit. If our home is to have the spirit we must not drive away the spirit.

Saint is a sinner that keeps on trying.

God is concerned with who we desire to be and are now not who we were.

With the atonement anything can be forgiven.

Allow others the space to become.

Church is the hospital fit to help us all.

Without trying we are latter-day sinners (quitters, hypocrites). Keep on trying.

It is by far better to be loved and good without guile, like Shiblon, not as "well-known" but very good.

Shiblon - good cause he sought to please his God instead of seek status from the world. He had as much talent, but sought more to serve than to be praised or recieve accolades.

Heavenly Father knows already, who else matters?

Service that matters most usually does go unnoticed by the world.

At the day that my experiences serve to judge me will be that I thought that what I was doing was God's will. I love my and all children.

What people were doing by a watch, meaning that their faithful actions were as predictable as clockwork.

Kids must know that they are safe and loved.

Parents make choices jointly.

If ye are not one, ye are not mine. Um, this makes one wonder who said "No" at the onset of proceedings/ Not a member of an organization that seeks unity, apparently.

Saturday Morning notes

We will one day stand accountable before God, so it doesn't matter if you actually were inspired. But God is just and if you believe God was telling you a thing and you do not obey, then you will be resoponsible

Fast offering is a way to love others! The Lord will know how to succor people who need.

When we give what we can we do what is needed, our funds may be too small, but it will be made enough very much like the multitude was fed by the small amount that was available.

Even if the act of fasting 24 hours may be too hard to do, the option should be given and the principle taught.

This is the Lord's church.

The purpose and end of the church's work is to enable a man and woman and children be sealed together as a family forever.

Commandment to multiply and replenish the earth has never been rescinded. It is not a part of the plan, it is the plan.

Understand the purpose of love. The birth of it is not the culmination, but it is the power that allows trials to cause an increase of love. In the temple, love began the process that it completes. Attraction leads to children, which are a very important part of developing love between a man and a woman.

Every debt. Of temptation must be paid. Such temptations damage our spirits. We can repent.

You can excape feelings of guilt with the power of the atonement. The Atonement can remove ANY stain, and you will be freed.

A man is never more attractive than when they are doing their divine roles as a father and companion.

Fathers can do so much. You must create a home that enables God's eternal purposes.

Satan is jealous of and hopes all worthy men fail.

Our hands are not the same infact they are opposites.

Help meet should complete not compete with an others.

Woman prayed to know how to build a home properly WITH our spouse.

Guilt is to our spirit what pain is to our bodies.

She said "cherished" companion.

Lord has assigned topics as are felt impressed.

***The seed was the WORD of God.

If it is not allowed to root then it might wither regardless of the seed.

We might have hardened hearts.

Do not do anything that takes away from the sacrament.

Gifted pickle suckers deal with facing the bitter scorn which is likened to vinegar. Like the thorns that choke and deny the blessing of a fruit to be born.

People identify prosperity with eternal success.

"Spiritually sedated by riches."

Thou are an offense to me because you put the things of the world ahead of me.

Your faith is supposed to be impractical in the terms of the world.

Maybe then, instead of questioning the seed, but the soil. The soil is our hearts.

We need to seek to be firmly rooted to yield a good result or abundance.

Story of a girl who survived because she saw a distant light and went to find it, finding rescue and relief.

She could have just stayed where she was and assume that rescue would find her. She was hurt and tired, but she pressed forward and the light grew brighter. That is akin to believing Christ, which we are never commanded to do.

Even if you no more than desire to believe, more will be given.

You cannot accidentally do the things of God.

Actions are evidence of belief.

Never stop believing! (Sounds like a song)

Poisonous theory of temporary.

Commonality or unity in the belief that the Family is central... Regardless of religious persuasion. So what makes us different? Eternal perspective.

Families existed before and will exist after this life. Remember that our families existed equally far before and after.

Government of Heaven will be set using family units.

People are not better off with a total allowance of freedom.

Internet and media makes the minority seem like "everyone" because they are seen most often.

The older I get the more I see the significance of the family.

Did it have to be me?

I have been noticing in stories, no matter where they come from or how significant, but it seems even more pronounced in stories that matter, people ask "But, did it have to be me?" The answer is the same to any who ask, "No. It certainly does not NEED to be you. But, it is." The consequence can be good or bad depending on what you make it. I applied this to Joseph Smith when he recieved a vision and the opportunity to restore the Church of God and bring forth a record of an ancient people. Did it have to be him? No. But, he was there and obedient, and his great opportunity brought great trials. I wonder how great the blessings might be and if they are a consequence of struggle. You know, "where there is great power..." Type thing.

So, maybe it really is a opportunity to struggle, it seems proposterous. I think of that saying from the sermon on the mount where it is said that you will be blessed for the opportunity to be cursed for the Lord's sake. It does not seem like a blessing but throughout history those who were abased an dreadfully abused found it to be an honor.

My greatest comfort comes through the words of C.S.Lewis when he said in "Shadowlands" that the pain now is part of the hapiness then. Have you seen and felt (with your inner dwelt self or heart) a painting that depicts the angel comforting the savior in the garden of Gethsemene? Well, Isn't that a perfect example of how a truly great reward (probably the greatest) was given in connection with a struggle.

offended

I read a thing that made me think so much that I wanted to write it down so I might be able to read it later.

I read some words that someone had written and they were objectionable and crude words and a few moments later as I thought about it I was upset that I was not offended.

I feel the same way about movies and music that ought to disgust me, but I excuse it because of other merits. I start to think I have somehow become desensitized or "past feeling". Then I realized that I am wholey and honestly offended by what those things represent. It's like I am offended when someone uses words to hurt it doesn't matter really the words, but the intent that offends me. I am offended when people intend to offend me, not because of the boldness of their manner but that they wanted to offend me.

simple Tip for a successful life

Might, I add that this simple tip is fool proof! No status required anyone can benefit.

Anytime you might ask yourself "Why me?" Change it to "How did I get so lucky?"

Brain dump

Jesus became first semester of the old law before becoming a teacher of the new law. The things Jesus taught were entirely new.

it was so cute how mary looked around and saw all the other kids going one way but she followed her brother.

During brother ahern sang his solo and Mary looked at me eyes wide and smiled.

while the choir sang, I showed Mary pictures depicting the life of the Savior. but, I could not find one. she says just give them to me I'll find it as if she could read or something.

the dark can not overpower light.

Everyone will get to live again not just those with high social status like President or rockstar.

know that there are differences between light and dark. Thearey just imagined to be common sense. dark is cold and light is warm that's just how it is.

standing in the background holding back is the same as remaining in the dark or propagating darkness.

darkness makes us shiver.

as thet talked it reminded me of the commont that my grandmother made about grandpa getting cataract surgery. She preferred to remain in the dark and he not actually see all her flaws.

we would rather not be seen so we avoid being seen by hiding in the darkness to avoid being chastened.

Ephesians 5:8

There was a story told about somebody moving just quickly enough to save their life. Their action was prompted by inspiration.

a movie theater is a dark place when we go into the light instantly, it blinds us.

if you are not prepared for blinding light revolution we learn bit by bit discerning gradually like a sunrise.

We receive just enough light to press forward.

we need to do our best to be a child of God. This is done by following the basic primary rules of prayer, scripture study, family home evening, and temple attendance.

anything better entices us to do good is of God.

The lack of light is not inherently evil.

Like a movie theater, we can become comfortable in the dark so that light is blinding to us.

We need to humbly teach others.

It is great to know something, so act upon it.

Time to think

I just don't get the whole concept of time and everything is about time. seems like the more I learn the less I grasp it. To me things change, yes, but time is marking the change of things, but I still prefer things that are and will be what they are now.morality is not defined by the way things change my psychology professor said. Well, he was ostercized and misunderstood, too. Perhaps that is not at all what he meant when he claimed my religion was not true because it changed.

Brain dump

Families of God.each person has a role. Music fills with spirit and opens channel for inspiration.

Story - object lesson of soda cans and how we are stronger when we are filled with truth.

We seek light and truth in our homes. We have a duty assigned and each must work at it.,

The Lord will speak to us if we ever seek him.

It was taken for granted that BoM was true, but others did not think it was even reasonable to believe. A woman was bombarded and worried and needed to know what was true, bit did not find time but finally prayed and was shown in a,dream a thing that she needed to know.

We will be required to hold strong to our sureness.

Membership in God's family remains, it is not dependant on any type of status be it familial or societal.

We have covenanted to stay strong and follow him and act accordingly especially in our family sphere of influence.

Grandmother to everyone, that family sphere of influence applies to our eternal family, we are all God's children. We are to be one.

Temples unite families which enables us to be one.

Immortality and eternal life should be our sole purpose.

The kids that do not want to listen, but they do.

Faith will conquer doubts.

Story of a young woman in Italy who stood up to an angry mob. Though not likely, that our personal trial will be to face an angry mob, but it is not so far fetched to see the likeliness of needing to be defenders of the family, even if we are faced with the idea that it is not so.

Most women do not see a life described in that proclamation but, we need to continue on believing.

Children have limitless potential, they can become anything, maybe even parents!!! That is the most amazing job.

We can all be home makers. Homes are temples.

**home can be a heaven on Earth.

Love at home and let us of speak kind words medley was incredible, look it up later.

You can and must be an important part of giving comfort to others.

Often good people who prayed diligently for something, their burdens are not sin, but things that we can help with, that is what we covenanted. You promised.

Pres. Eyring prayed to be able to comfort those who lost a 5 yr. old, he said that He loved them, but mostly God did and although he felt sad with them, only God really knows how to comfort them, they did most of the talking, and it made them so much stronger.

I now know why my feeling sometimes do not reflect what others think I ought to feel. It is because of the joy that comes from knowing it is good thing regardless what it seems I get my emotions from a source unfamiliar to the world.

Another favorite

It means so much more than it appears

One of those moments

I was patiently awaiting my morning quote and this morning it fit so perfectly with what I was thinking! I wondered if it was the same phenomenon as was described a few conferences ago when it was explained that our investment reflects what we get out of something. Without further ado... The quote:

“We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.”

-C. S. Lewis

I loved so much the fact that he said it. His mind often generates thoughts that I love to the point where I decide that we would be great friends!!

Twice

There are two specific moments where I felt jealousy. This post is much more innocent than it seems.

1) I was watching a Leslie Nielson vampire comedy and I cannot even remember the plot or when or where I was, but I remember seeing an actresses thighs and thinking. I wish mine were as muscular. I obessed over it for months until I achieved similar muscle definition.

2). During the end of Heroes Claire Bennett goes to college. And there is a scene with some girl who is her friend. They are riding in a car and the camera shows her hands and I was instantly jealous and in awe of her hands. I cannot explain it, but I never had even considered that hands could be so lovely. They were valuable tools to gather information about the world, but they are so much more. I suppose it is like saying breasts are just to feed infants. I still feel embarassed that my hands are so visible and not nearly as attractive as I would like. On a sidenote, I love Franz Liszt's hands in a painting, but never thought to be jealous of them. And in the commentary of Napoleon Dynamite at the begining, it is explained that a hand model is used for the opening credits and now I understand why, at first I was like, hands are hands, what the big deal? It is like in Notting Hill how the actress explains that she would have a butt double. That is just funny, too, and it supposed to be, I guess.

A Lena story

Why I remembered doesn't matter, but I do not want to forget, so I will tell the story.

I stopped taking my depression medication because I was not actually depressed, others thought that I should be, so I went with it.

One day Lena was looking through my things like kids do. She found a stash of pills in my jewelry box and asked what it was. Quickly, I diverted her from it and we occupied ourselves with something else.

We were having dinner or something, and as luck would have it she remembered that her curiousity had never been satisfied regarding the pills in my room. So, when my mother mentioned that I needed a refill on my prescription, Lena piped up, "Oh, no, she doesn't. She actually has a lot of them in her room." Busted.

No, make that capital NO ONE can do it

The answer to many questions wad found in this little thought. No one can actually multi-task. The mind is like a stage and only one actor has our attention. Attention can be manipulated but never actually divided. This has been proven.

trombone

Ever get those strong urges to run when you see a grassy hill? Well, I want to play my trombone, but because of my messed up nueral firing, I want to watch Dune, and it is all Dorothy's fault.

Woah, Woah, Woah! You were leading but you lost me. Back up, slowly consider Dorothy, Trombones and Dune. Now, what do they have in common?

It started cause Mary wanted to dance cause she saw a peppa pig video, so, she turned on the radio and while I made dinner, the song Rosanna came on. It always makes me think of That Toto photo I had in my bedroom growing up. Somehow, I decided their success came as a result of having a good trombone player.

Peppa bacon

My daughter is watching Peppa Pig in Italian. It is Sooo odd, I had to make sure it wasn't in a different language cause I could actually understand and recognize several words plainly, but I do not know Italian at all. I did recently write an Italian aria about Bacon, though and that is funny. Irony funny.

Maybe I dream in Italian, or Latin... Odd.

Quotes to remember

I demand to know why you are pleased with me .

they say it's all in the attitude and mine has changed and I can tell it's going to last at least a week.

what do you think about Roe vs Wade?

Oh, personally, I prefer to float.

Is there any answer I could give to apease you?

Friendship Isn't real unless one has the autonomy to tell the other to go to help.

No judge would order that.
Then, why are we here?
You needed to see this through.

If you are not brought to tears joy or sadness as you review the year, it was wasted.

I have certain rules, but I make them up as I go along.
You only die once.

When I met you, you were everything that I valued and thought I wanted so I just waited thinking in time I would fall in love.

Oh just shut up

Someone needs to tell me to shut up. I just,realized that the things I say are actually heard by others. I honestly would not say as much if I had any notion of those things actually making a bit of difference to anyone anywhere. And maybe I will listen to myself more and be honestly content with what is said.

It's magic!

My son just told me the silliest thing. He said, "if my finger gets too close to my eye it is like magic. My eye always closes. Look!" Love that boy.

Doing nothing

I am constantly made aware of how doing nothing is actually something. It is a choice. Choosing to say nothing is a lie and choosing to do nothing is a sin. Both,although not always true mark a character as either dumb or unwilling (see what I did there?)

Lately, I have been noticing how a thing was clearly the correct choice, but the opportunity was allowed to come and pass and that is just as wrong as actually doing something if it was wrong. Which prompts me to point out how important it is to know what the right thing to do is and why God has boldly spoken several times about being lukewarm, fence sitting, or just procrastinating.

We have this idea that it is good to just take time for things, patience is a virtue, and it is, but sex is also a blessing, but not in every situation.

I heard before how the gospel was likened to a train that is always moving toward a destination, it is not enough to have been good once, but to be good continually and moving towards our goal, or else we are moving away in not doing anything.

I could speak in particulars, but that might loose any wisdom for those who do not understand things exactly the same way. I had a very funny instructor tell his class to sign up for a thing, then afterwards noted that he couldnot understand some handwriting. He compared our miscommunication not as any failure. The information was good, but obviously some had a different instructor when learning penmenship. Oh, sooooooo true. I think this subtle comment regarding communication via handwriting has deeper implications to communicating using any means to others.

I got terribly side-tracked. I just wanted to actually say how terrible it is to not do a thing when we know it is right. Like SCUBA after a rescue class our instructor explained to us that if he imparted his knowledge we would be expected to help others in need. In that class we also learned CPR. We all know the stories that try to justify not helping out when we might have saved a life because of a fear of being sued later. That becomes the perfect metaphor for why so many people do not act. I heard once it said, "If God will really hear our prayers I will pray less." Or " If we had a similar experience as Joseph Smith every time we prayed we would pray less." Don't you think Satan knows that? Ben Folds says, "Do It Anyway!"

Last thing that really impressed me a lot was a comment I heard last week. "It is hard to know what to do, so if we wonder if it was inspired or not, we act on it, just incase." If it is true then we find our confirmation by doing something!

So cute!

Mary asked why Jesus always does what I do. I said, "No. No. Dear. He shows us the things that are possible and I follow him." So she said. He teaches me how to walk on water, and you teach me how to care, but why do you both walk on water all the time? She asked it multiple times until I finally just said because and the more I think of her I smile.

George?

I got my mind set on you...

"The commitment to be a [composer] is nothing less than a commitment to seek that which OS divine."

Holy Universe, Batman.

Started with a smile

I used to share so much in songs, but I do not sing anymore, outside of my head, so I wanted to write the song in my head.

It started with his smile she wondered how this man could be so happy, how everyone around he seemed to glow.
She tried to hear the words he spoke, but all she heard were cries for help around her saying, "Why did it have to be me?"

Anyway, as I was trying to recall why I wrote it, I thought about the instruction at the Temple Open
house. It was that we should smile. Why, what's the big deal? The other day, I was at the temple, myself, and I saw a woman who just beamed. I kept wondering why she was so glowy. Later, I overheard two women talking and the one asked the other,"Do you think she just has a permanent smile?" I mean, why would someone purposely smile so much? In elementary school. I was told that if you wanted to improve the world, smile. Because, people will always smile back if you smile at them, so, each smile you make improves the quality of life for others and the world will be better.

When I was a teenager, I had just started a program of setting goals, with a clear objective, when the program was changed. I got upset, and my leader said, "Melissa, it looks like you need to focus on choice and accountability." So I did.I found what looked like the easiest goal, to write about my day every day for 14 consequetive days. Easy, huh? Well, there was a tiny, life changing stipulation. You must decide to be happy.

I did not know your mood was your choice,so I thought this would take a long time to have 14 consequencially good days.but, that became the greatest lesson I learned. Regardless what side of the bed I woke up on. Being happy was my choice. I learned that even if the world gives you lemmons, decide to make lemonade! and although, that lady likely had no reason resulting from her dull duties, she was smiling and Improving the whole world! I want to be like her. Smiling makes anyone pretty!

That was probably why I wrote that song, a smile can trigger good regardless of our surroundingsthe good is there waiting to be seen. I know I originally wrote it to be about a feeling generated of Love and genuine compassion for others all because of a smile.

Tears are not really helpful

Mary Anne cries all of the time and I am always reprimanding her explaining that crying is not fling anything at all to help. I was veto.g so hard because I miss my babies, and I imagined being told the same thing.

Previously, I could reason myself out of despair because of such scriptural accounts of women who left their children to decide their own fates after teaching them how to live, like Moses (his birth mother) and Samuel (Hannah). And I am.sure there are more but two were enough to establish an acceptable pattern. I could confidently accept, without tears, my fate that my stewardship could be fulfilled without consigning myself to an eternal life of misery. Besides, these were God's children, only in my temporary care anyhow. I did not just want an eternal COMPANION but needed one suited and aimed purposefully at the goal of an eternal world of children.

But, honestly, my tears were not erased by this thought. I loved each child dearly and had come to love them and feel attached to the point of needing them. I would sacrifice for them. The thought that wiped away my tears was that all of us are God's children, and surely he loves each of us as fully... "God loved us so He sent his Son..." And he had to risk loosing more of us, but He made that choice although he could have chosen Lucifer's plan and been able to know that we all would be saved. Instead, he lost for sure 1/3 of his dear children. How terribly sorrowful for Him that must be!!! But. Crying about it will not help, ".. how doest thou shed thy tears as rain upon the mountains? And Lord, how is it that thou canst weep?" I was both blessed and comforted by this inspired insight.

I ought to be sleeping

Though I really should be sleeping my mind willnot rest, so it churned how bit of silly evidence that I must consider now or asleep, but it would be considered.

So, in lieu of sleep, my mind churned up an unreliable memory. Throughout my past, I have had particularly low points where I felt extremely ugly, but I always felt ugly, because I am me. I am somehow always subpar. But, looking back, photographs never seem to reflect the person I saw. I always look pretty. But, how could that be? I know for a fact that I was incredibly hideous to the point of wanting to crawl under a rock in shame of my appearance.

Could this be the case now? I know that I am ugly buy just do not care. Recently, I was even told by someone who had never seen me that they could just tell that I was homely because I was such a sweet spirit of something. It bothered me although honestly, I am past that.

I do have confidence of my self-worth regardless of whether or not my features hold any significance. It is only a thought that maybe looking back I will see more clearly how beautiful I really appear, disgusting not just get over it and enjoy the present for a bit instead of always seeing in hindsight how much better things actually were.

A friend told me once in college that the best thing about me, or the thing that made me the best was my inability to just accept myself as good enough, I held myself to an impossibly high standard and it reflected in who I became.

Tv

Sooo incredibly, um, oxymoronic? Let's just say unusual and unexpected that. Tv show makes me feel pretty. It's true. Kinda how you relate to a book, I do with a person on tv, but I am older and been there, done that, and it helps me feelmore secure and confident.

Break the silence

I used to play the wish game where whenever you were the first to do something, like drink from an unopened can or skim the top of a new tub of peanutbutter, such things would grant you a wish.

A person caused my only momentary, but, intention of much longer, silence to be broken.

I simply cannot remain silent on this regard: I love my Savior with every bit of my being. I am so thankful to him and realized that in a larger scheme of things, it would be wasteful and ungrateful not to allow such convictions a place in my outward appearance.

I am undoubtedly a daughter of a Heavenly Father whom Jesus Christ always paid hommage, doing almost nothing for himself of himself. We all love God, I love the more I learn and it is directly related. How did this happen? Chicken and the egg.

I learned of him through studying the scriptures, and then from there I loved and loved which prided me to want to know more. The more I knew, the more I loved. This is beauty.

Puzzles

I love everything about puzzles, but my favorite part is when the pieces are running out and each one fits in a place it seems the other pieces were reserving just for them.

Little seed

It is a popular children's song to compare faith to a seed, to explain our trial of faith, and we learn that it is after the trial of our faith that we learn it was a good seed. It must be planted properly and nourished, etc. It is not enough to have a good seed.

Today, as I was explaining to Mary that her seed was likely dead I realized it symbolized so much more. I assured her that I was,not giving up yet, and if we took what we learned assuming it was a good seed, perhaps another would survive, but it was not merely just a bad seed.

Sunday notes

If we even think it is from God we obey.

Temples each diminish power of Satan on earth.

Stay in the boat and hold on, a talk he felt inspired to revisit. It would be strange to have your words on file like that.

Most importantly follow the first rule to stay in the boat, no matter what happens. Metaphor

Story of how on a ship in peril a captain asked who knew how to pray. A LDS missionary said,he did so the captain said, "good. You pray then, and we will all get in the lifeboats, but we are one short." Reminds me how many rely first on the immediateness of the world.

10 And Adam lived one hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his own image, and called his name Seth.
11 And the days of Adam, after he had begotten Seth, were eight hundred years, and he begat many sons and daughters;

Wow, how could he even remember all of his children, he was mortal.

Love yourself first, then your neighbor.

Christ was persecuted by those who were the leaders of his religion. The ones who might have been most familiar of the scriptures which clearly prophecies of him.

Truth may provoke but it is not changed from being truth.

It was believed that Christ was killed and tormented because of what he said.

I am glad

I was relooking up a scripture that struck me as significant. Especially this time of year. It was about a thing that troubled, probably still does, my dad. It is regarding the first and second ressurrections. While I was looking up a particular thing I read, I found a comment regarding our judgement. It reminded me the things we will be held accountable for are our thoughts, words, deeds, and I love this one, our intents.

I wanted to.find a place and time to record how glad I am that the very desires of our heart will be used to judge us, because often, I feel helpless, but I would have done differently, and instead of beat myself up for failing to live up to my potential, I can know that what I want will actually be taken into.account. I just hope it is not used as a standard to measure our actions! One time, a servant of the Lord told me that in matters like tithing where in my heart, I surely would be a full tithe payer, but I fear my husband is not, and I do not make an income. He explained that the attitude is more of a consequence than.a current situation was.

No one is that altruistic

I was thinking how funny it would be if someone actually researched enough to find out what exactly I did or liked. That would make me far more important than I ever considered. That could not be true, simply because no one could e en be that much interested in another person, although it could be possible in that it could be, but I have difficulty even imagining anyone selfless enough to put anyone else's ideas in a place of greater imortance than their own.

I still have to look it up, but it has been something that has been on my mind for a very long time, but I have never valued it enough to think of it, and I still do not think it will matter to me, but I will look it up and think about it a bit.

I will have to find it first in order to study it's useability or significance. It is in the Book of Mormon where the King of the Lamanites is speaking to Ammon and Ammon is privy to the thoughts of the king or maybe that is not what happened then, but the thought is that it is a thing that has been recorded as happening where another's very thoughts.

So much opposition

I feel like I may have been wrong in assuming opposition was decided to not work on me, so a new technique of flattery was used. But, I see now clearly the opposition to a thing I want makes me want it more cause that suggests it comes from a gut reaction of anger, that could not be masked for a deceptive purpose. It is like a reaction. My choice is one that it is unexpected and it meets so much opposition that I think of a screwtape desperately wringing his hands screaming, "pull out the stops! This is important." It is not a calculated thing, it is desperation.

Anyhow, it only makes,me more determined to go against what is opposed to what I know is good in the first place.

Just started singing this to myself

It is in response to being alone when I only do what I do in hopes of going home, and I doubt home is lonely.

The Smiths - How Soon Is Now?: http://youtu.be/pEq8DBxm0J4

A good way to live

If you can manage to find hope grab a hold of it and let it edify you until you begin to manifest the quality of life you lack.

How to tell if it is a good song

You can tell the song has reached it's potential when the song doesn't change, but it still fits your mood perfectly.

Kinda like religion.

Jonah and the you know

This morning Mary decided that she wanted to change her FHE song to "Follow the prophet". So, I thought, well, can she even do that? It has so many verses. Sure, she likes the picardy third and the redundancy of the chorus, all kids do. Then I decided to print out the verses for the adults if she was determined. As I listened to it, I thought, hmmm, they call it a whale. Oh, but we only believe the Bible to be doctrine as far as it is translated correctly, and for kids the finer point is that it is the story that matters. Such thought made sense sorta like how we changed wine to water in the sacrament, and hot drinks to coffee and tea. It is the intent or spirit of a thing that matters.

Upon consideration, I thought, "Well, it is easy to see that the things most prophets told us and whether or not their stories are exact, they warn and instruct."

Yesterday, in class we were studying a very difficult principle so the teacher had someone read a metaphorical story from a children's manual that was clear to us all. Again, the story was obviously fiction, but the principle was conveyed in a digestable way.

Point was, some very wisemen who were not there on the boat or even know how God communicated to Jonah, felt that there was a principle to be taught that would be of great worth to others. And guess what? I can really relate.

As of late, I have been trying to run from a thing that I cannot mistake although I have tried so hard. But, Jonah was not allowed to just die and escape, but he had to face the thing that seemed too hard for him. It is true that God is like that. No matter what really happened, it does provide encouragement and example.

Maybe, it's intuition, but somethings you just don't question...thank you Savage Garden for the words! I am not going to run away and try to be safe anymore. To accomplish we need to take risks! It is only by forgetting our fear that we accomplish anything close to potential.

It attracts you at first then drives you away.

I am too tired to write right now, and I would hate to forget this thought. I wanted to write a long post about how alluring Mormonism is, and likely that is what draws people to Utah, like that survey I took years ago about where in Utah I wanted to live, and how I excitedly told my mom how I longed so much to be with others who believe  like me. I was referring to being "Mormon". But, similarities cease in so many cases at the surface... It is nice to be among good happy people, but although they do the same things as I do and have the same results, truth is I still lack that true connection with others. We are made to need compassion and understanding.

Do nothing

Often, I think that I want nothing to change and so I do nothing. Like when you have one of those monents where you feel all is right with the world the way it is, and so no matter how you got there, you are perfectly content where you are and You want nothing to ruin that moment, although, doing a thing might actually enrich the future. All that matters is that nothing changes, but let me tell another story that teaches a reason doing nothing does not work.

The charger on my tablet does not work very well. When I get it in exactly the right place I figure that if I do nothing, it will charge. But, although, I do nothing, it stops charging! So, obviously, more is happening than what I notice or even cause. The only part that confuses me is that it does not just start charging, but I must actually do something again, so I figure it is a way of teaching me something.

Since childhood I was taught that this life is the "time" we have to mess around with things until we get them right, and that is why I got upset that I was still alive after I should have died. Hadn't I already performed my labors? Well, for one, I would not be here to think that thought or write it for you to read either.

Should I even continue?

Often, I notice that my information exceeds attention spans, and The best way to make a point is to keep it short and just walk away. I really thought Twitter was going to solve that, but my mind does not stop and I do not really want it to. The more I share the more I think. It is a lot like the oil used to make bread for Elijah. Or how my parents explained the huge mounds of Pete Moss north of town in Sandusky. When you move some out of the way, more pops up to take its place.

One such new thoughts is that he who has fewer thoughts and smaller attention span himself will be the popular champion. Ha ha ha.

An original thought that had not made it from my brain to my fingers yet was that doing nothing could never create anything, and above all is my drive to create.

It needs to be at least mentioned what effect such thought has on this one in particular: Evolution is well enough a means, but it does not explain the creation of anything. A bang, no matter how big could never happen by doing nothing.