Salvation is a personal thing and as such, instructing a child should not be about whipping them into submission. Obedience is so much more important.
I see child whom I admire so much for their appearance of goodness. They always do as they are tol, and they even serve missions as they are told is right. But, what really motivates them moght even seem to do and be good, but it is only a desire to please. Look at Ahab and Jazabel (sp?) Ahab seemed a good king, but, when his desire to please was shifted over to Jazabel, he still did what seemed best, but it was not.
I think about my own children, and I have not done well in teaching them how to be the best little monkeys, and at times others have expressed their concern. Now, it has been proven effective to force them to behave a way, sort of Machievelean to me, the result justifying the means. But, instead, it us oh so much harder to let go and allow them to exercise their agency and dependence. My daughter, for instance is not forced to clean her toom, but is encouraged to do so. It is sometimes impossible to watch her room fall into shambles. But, I know that she notices how nice it feels to be in a clean, and orderly room. She will eventually choose to clean her own room and feel the sense of pride that comes from maintaining it.
She will, like every child will, grow up and live without parents. I think of our Heavenly Father and how important it was to him that we learn to "obey" something we can only hope is good. He lost 1/3 of his children, and he could have chosen a different route to happiness whereby all of his children would have been forced into perfection, but, like each of us, he realized that that would not be a true perfection.
The sucess rate stays about the same. Some people will be forced to be "good" and as a result achieve happiness and stick with it. However, many will not ever develop more than a fear as motivation or a thing that entirely disgusts me, compulsion.
How can I not mention Adam and Eve. Some say that she was soo wicked for causing Adam to sin, but I had a teacher who respected Eve and her choice so much it was close to hero worship. Really, Eve saw what had to be done and even mentioned to Adam that eventually it would be impossible to keep all of God's commandments and it was harder to be aware of things (Ignorance is bliss), but it would be worth it.
I believe firmly that the same is true with rearing a child. Eventually, either way, they will break your heart. So, why not let it be suffered in a way that is preparing them for an eternal life without someone holding a whip over them.
Years ago, in a class, someone told a story about how obedience is like walking a dog. The obedient dog can be given more freedom, whereas another dog would have his leash shortened. I think punishing a child into submission is like leading them on a leash. Mary Anne, my youngest daughter always tells me whenever a doll or pretend animal is so good they no longer even need a leash. It makes me happy.
Ok break over. Back to work...
