Hard to believe

I actually do have what is referred to in "mormonspeak" as a testimony...sidetrack. It is funny to me that they refer to a testimony of Jesus Christ as simply a testimony, but if you define testimony - although it is only a belief amd it does not refer to any dogma in particular. And yet, those outside the "Mormon Bubble" do not consider Latter-day saint's to be Christian (when the reason for Sunday meetings at all is to take the name of Christ upon themselves) the main l purpose of everything is love The whole of it is humorous to me.

Anyhow, at times everyone questions what they believe. This is natural and a part of recognizing who we are.

For me, it is strengthened by realizing who I am not. I have been challenged by speakers previously who suggested how rediculous it is to believe that the Book of Mormon was all made up, and I failed at my attempts to consider the entire religion made up, and the best I could ever do was decide that Greek mythology was not true and the Greeks were very wise and founded much of our science. As much as I consider most ideas man made, I could not deny who I call Jesus Christ, or judiasm. The creator of our existence is surely, the God of Israel.

There is a story of how Joseph Smith found and translated some books from a Egpytian mummy. This seems hard to fathom, yet, if you read it in conjuction with the Bible, even considering Joseph a great Scripture Scholar there are incredible ideas generated from reading the same stories from that perspective that opens up mysteries of the pentatuech. And at the end of all my considering and attempts at remaining neutral in accepting the truth as it is, I find it easier to believe Joseph Smith was actually a prophet of God and the Book of Mormon is the words of God as recorded in the American Continent.

Ooooh. Time to go!

Angelic messages

I need to preface this thought by saying that most of my most excellent ideas come as a result of preparation to teach a group of young 8 yr olds. They are so amazing, and I consider myself a well-taught person. I feel like I understand alot, but I always feel like I do not understand enough to teach these children. Surely, I must know enough or I would have been asked to do something else, not teach them, but I do admit feeling a bit under the challenge, but it makes me study that much harder to be sure that I am a master of the things I am asked to teach.

That being explained, I started to contemplate my lesson for Sunday a while ago, and admist the preparation thay I had this thought.

The lesson is on Adam and Eve and how they were taught the gospel. One scripture I read was so profound because it is not even in the Bible, and it is soo incredible, it became a foundation of a belief that the gospel did in fact come from a heavenly source because believing it was ficticiously fabricated by anyone else and yet, fit sooo perfectly is simply too hard of an alternative to believe. Anyhow, in this scripture found in Moses chapter 5 it states that Adam was taught by Angels.
As I was baking cookies, I started laughing cause as my son refers to it, "I feel so good". The thought was causing me to be so happy, I might even say I was in love if I didn't know better. It was just a thought, but it was too incredible to keep to myself. I always, no effort involved it just happens, start singing a song for everything. My mond was belting out the tune and lyrics, "The errand of angels is given to women..." I was questioning what it would be like to be taught from Heavenly father himself then I thought, Adam would know, he hot his truths directly from the servants of God ( otherwise referred to as Angels ). And I thought to myself, " wish an Angel would come teach those children. They deserve it."

Get it now? The errand of Angels was assigned to me. Pretty cool.

Eve's choice

I do not intend to dwell much on this, only acknowledge the thought, then duck out quickly, come what may.

I cannot shake the feeling that I am being watched. At times, I feel it more keenly. Like that old natural gas tank that made me so intrspective, until I would smile for the unseen cameras. Then watching TV, made me realize how many times I could be watched each day... for real.

Need to make my point before reverie gets me, that or sleep. I wonder if we really have choices. I dealt with this in college and decided on soft determinism. So what if my choice is known, I do not know it, so it is legitimate.

Ok, so Adam and Eve were married, right? Did they have belly buttons, no, no, no, just kidding. But, rather I was so impressed by how romantic it is that Adam chose to be with Eve instead of refusing to eat of the fruit that he was commanded not to eat. Ya da ya da. Now, Eve's choice. I always romanticized it, too, but she really did not have an option as far as husbands go. It was between be Adam's wife or touch the fruit and die, she chose to die, WHA?!?!? Was that really even a choice? I mean how could it have been if she did not even know anything, yet?

Alternative

When I play a strategy games, oh heck, Everygame feels like a strategy game, I struggle to find the best, THE ABSOLUTE BEST, solution. It is alot like A Beautiful Mind when John Nash gets outraged that he lost. It is mistaken that he would be upset to loose, but that is clearly not the issue at that point. It is because statistically it would be impossible. If every step was perfect it would win, right, so, he chose accordingly each time and the promised result did not measure up.

Switching gears for a moment... I was quite upset and the way we use what we know to explain things that we do not and create according to what we lack. I think it is called circular reasoning.

This morning, I realized how thankful I was that I actually knew the big answers to lifes enormous questions. That is when I thought of a game we used to play as children, called "Woof" it was purposed to tease my baby brother who always asked "What if..." but, it sounded like woof. So I asked "woof there was something that made love seem meaningless?" I do not know what it would be but, I was imagining, that love had been propogated as the explination for why of everything like God is Love or Love is God and God is in everything. There a solution for everything. But, what would an alternative be to love? And is it too comfortable to consider existance without it? Like why must we procreate? I do not know yet, but I certainly need to try to explain things without love just too see what the end consequence would be... cause we see with John Nash how trusting in a consequence might not always work out...hey, just a thought, but isn't that sort of like a "Dark Horse"? I am using the pronoun that to refer to an alternative explination.