Cosmology

I am undeniably obsessed with understanding the universe and I feel passionately about things I could not possibly understand.

For instance determining the age of the earth. Well, to me it seems a group passing a theory off as a fact. It is what it is, afterall. Shakespeare put it best when he wrote, "a rose by any other name would smell so sweet." But, for this idea to be a fact it assumes the big bang theory is correct, but I do not know why, but I do not feel it is. It is a lot like Mormonism being dependant on the book of Mormon being true or not. It is called a keystone. Likewise dating the earth by an asteroid bit assumes you ascribe to the big bang THEORY.   I just do not know enough yet, so the question is am I willing to do what it takes to find out? Everything suggests I ought to be.

time is going so slowly

I feel like I ought to be DOING something, but nothing cones to mind. This us usually when I bake or do yarn crafts. Here's a novel idea. Go to beduh, but I want to accomplish something Maybe I will work on a project or play Minecraft for a while, my kids are asleep so they won't know, but God will. It seems too disrespectful or menial to do that when I can do it any other day. If I do love and appreciate all I have, I should uh, I got nothing. Wait, I know! Pray. That's it. It's an action, right?

that's power

So, I was thinking about a line in the movie "Annonymous" where a man notes the power from being seen by so many people. I still think, like a flower pollenating over long distances. The best way to pollenate so many minds is through popularly great positions.

I think of the great and powerful effect one songwritter had on some many, by placing his ideas in many minds through recieved songs.

Now, that is power, and I see how there are too many people using that power for a sort of self definition or affirmation, because acceptance of what they say means acceptance of them. But, to me it just say that everyone falls in love and then experiences heart break. Maybe we propagate that notion. I think of "Princess Bride" and the idea formed in a generation of people that true love is rare. In college, I used to get angry that so many people believed the history ad Hollywood portrayed it. Is it not a combination of truths with rainbows and unicorns or whatever is most entertaining. What sells is what people want to see and then they believe it as true because they never go and read the true history. Going back to where I started the movie "Anonymous" is one theory about Shakespeare, but for many it will be the only history they ever know, sorta like polititian's signs around election time. If we see a name more often it will be most familiar when we see the ballot.

Hmmm.... Maybe I should study Marketing.

numb

I was thinking today about how I assume others care for eachother, but they do not really. Perhaps I am projecting my feelings on others, than was when I realized that I am a bit unfeeling because I have to be. If I cared as much as I suppose others do by nature, I would be a total wreck. My first born children and the man I loved entirely and promised to be with forever are in another part of the country. I simply could not handle the day to day life if I was not able to sort of turn off my feelings and be a tad numb to them. It effects my relationships with others.

how crochet is like life

As I was crochetting a dress for my daughter this morning and I learned a very priceless lesson and I feel like sharing it.

I follow the directions two ways. The same thing applies to life. Often, I like to see the finished product (like a completed puzzle), but sometimes, even though the part I am committing to will have long term effects that I do not see how it will turn out, I still do it, I just, although ignorant, am more cautious to obey exactly, and keep the directions nearby, looking at them often.

It is like because I do not have a clear vision of what I am doing or why I realize that my accountability is to the pattern not the end result. I need to have faith that the item I originally chose was represented well and that is what I want, and the pattern will lead me there though I do not understand how.

new conclusion

I have always avoided it cause it seemed evil and lazy, but the people weren't and never were, infact they seemed fortunate because, it is like the nurse told me at vanderbilt, it was a snapshot and although others appeared saintly, the dinner was headed for something. My nurse had MS and pushed me in a wheelchair, but said that in time she would deteriorate and I was rapidly improving everyday.

I want to be on the side that has a future that is full of potential, and is in need or being convinced. All my life I have taken the high ground always trying to lift others up, but, I have not arrived. There is a tier higher than me but I am not progressing. Now, I must admit, the final stepis where most failure occurs. Maybe clinging on for a bit longer would mean success. I am just tired of convincing and want to be convinced.

Yesterday, at an openhouse, the coolest thing was read. It was from the Scriptures, the very thing that holds the mysteries of God for mankind. Ok, so it was a parable of Jesus Christ. And have you evernoticed that those who are invited to the supper have excuses, valid ones, so the ones who attend and benefit the most are those who need the most. Well, I would rather be the needy than the one too busy to accept an invitation...

free to choose wrong

The thing I will publicly consider today is the insightful comment made by a stranger today when they explained how they knew that they were loved.

I was a bit upset by theunderstanding that God could not actually force anyone to do what was right. I finally made peace with the fact that it was likely my wishes and prayers that caused pain and heartache for others, but it is now rediculous to even consider it. Because I felt so much guilt for sort of praying for a sunny day when the farmers were in need of rain. So, I got my sunshine while they withered and perished. It made me feel terrible for thinking it was what I,needed to be happy. Well, so I have been praying so hard to try to make up for wanting a thing for my happiness that might hurt anothers, then this comment helped today. " The Lord chastened those he loves." How did that help? As I was praying for something to help any I thought my desires had indirectly hurt, I got this response: "what is it you expect me to do?" Think of the scene from "Bruce Almighty" where even with God's powers he cannot bend another's will. That was the sort of way I felt about my praying that someone be fixed back to what they were, like it was my fault anyway is crazy, but people have their agency, they always do. Sure, God can prefer a way over another or even command is to obey, but he cannot force us. But, the thing someone pointed out is that God does love us so much that he will try to chasten us if we do not behave the way that is best for us. So, by being corrected sharply, might seem harsh it is a way for us to see the correct way. Or way that we should have chosen. This will change my prayers. Although, I do not want to seem mean spirited, I do pray that if my prayers were wrong or caused anyone harm that they/we will be chastened and be able to know the way that God wants things wether or not they are chosen.

This person said in their testimony that because we have agency, at times God allows is to choose a way contrary to the way he would prefer, but ultimately. He will chastened and let us know what we should have done to be the best possible us we can be.

On a similar note, I think that I have been told what to do, but allowed to make my own choice, but, I did kit choose the path that would be the best for me and so my trial is that until I pick the right path, I will get sicker and sicker until I die. It gas already been made known, it is no secret that I ought to be alive and it is the goal, so, I must obey God, my life depends on it.