Immunization

I was watching a show with a whole lot of things about getting your children immunized.  A thing that was of interest was that they said the largest demographic of mothers who were opting out of vaccines for their children are highly educated white women. Instantly, a scripture came to mind, "when men are learned they think they are wise and harken not to the counsels of God." The excuse is almost always that they "know" best how to care for their family and it includes wanting to reasearch the "facts" for themselves.

Why should I?

Ok, how I came by thinking this is almost always more interesting than the thought itself, so here goes.

There are ideas that I have but I cannot trace the origin, and one such thought was that I was believed to be someone else in hiding. Crazy, right? Well, I always think everyone is crazy for thinking that. But, the crux is I cannot even point out a substantial shred of evidence that anyone else even thinks that, so while I was considering it, I thought, hmmm maybe I secretly think I am someone else. Yeah! I am and until I become her, I will just blame my thoughts on the foolish imaginings of others... sounds Scizophrenic to me, but oh well, I am not the crazy one, everyone else is!

Ok, so then I was imagining how I would actually become this person I am in embryo, and I thought instantly of my son and how he makes his own choices, but, they are obviously (to me) wrong. Sometimes, I correct him, but sometimes he only figures out that he doesn't want that consequence so he chooses otherwise next time (like a Rat in a maze..hah Algernon). The point is, I am there to guide him, and protect him, as I was thinking that I remembered that was the exact definition my Daughter gave for God.

Ok, enough back story. You with me now?

I pray to talk to God. More or less I reason things out. But, conversation is two-way. If I had to wait for my son to finaly choose to speak to me: I would probably command him to do so more often, all the time sounds pretty good. I have an advantage over Heavenly Father in that I can easily speak to my children and teach them. God really wants to tell us things and instruct us, too. He has prophets and finds a means to tell us things we need to know. The means are many, but usually they start with the scriptures. God speaks to us directly through the stories and words that He has given to his prophets. But, most of all our willingness to draw near to him and do what he wants is attractive  (to use precisely the right word). So, I pray and read my scriptures mostly to communicate with my Heavenly Father. Cause, I can see how much help parents can and want to provide.

Do you ever wonder?

All, well before I get started I will mention a back story, I was playing a silly game with myself that if I really believed, which I don't then a thing would happen, but I wondered if that's how things really worked,  I knew it wouldn't happen, so it wouldn't, but would  it happen if I did believe and how do others agency work into that? Then I sorta wondered about that VH song about the pathways I might have taken, when I think of how impossible it would be to accomplish one thing I think of alternates, and that makes me consider what would so and so be like if... and I pretend to chase after an alternate option that is equal to what my goal is in this life, wierd stuff, but back to my real intent:

All my life people try to tell me that It us all made up hooey. But, if everyone of them believe the Bible to be true, it ststes that if you want to know something, then, ask.  And if anyone asked, they wiuld no longer question things or need faith.. hmmm, odd.

Inclination

There must be a pre existing inclination because there are stories and testaments for every angle of a story. I had always believed in a lowest denominator where a thing could not be explained in simpler terms.

But, as I think of how I believe The Book of Mormon is what it claims to be I consider other stories. I assume there are many which I have not considered and could not even fabricate and I must consider this to have been presented to others, (this being another opinion or story) which lead them to believe as they deemed correct.

The trouble is that I had always thought that regardless of what it decided it was how it decided to get there that was of interest to me, meaning that I was more interested in the solution than the answer. But, then it occurred to me that if a solution was truly brilliant and correct then it would settle for the truth. Like settling for my husband, I believed he often concluded wrong, but was thinking right, so if given the right thing to think on he would end up in the best place, but it troubles me to see that his conclusions do not meet mine when given the same information.

So, now I need to think most seriously about my descision of what to believe. I want to be firm and believe what I did, already, but if I believe it, it contradicts what I believe about a family.

Ok, this requires prayer.  If ever someone "lacked wisdom" to the point I did  (caused an apparent stalemate), I would consider them in a very small needy group. I am quite independent and I do not like to follow other's example, but even Christ had John the Baptist to prepare his way.

Oh, come on, I really am so insignificant, such a thing would not even matter. No one would care or be effected if I pulled a George Bailey, not that I would, I sorta like living, and figuring out why. I just acknowledge that there are an unlimited number of opinions of what is true. I am only concerned with one, Gods, and any that will lead me to that end. I was just realizing that some of those opinions might be that God does not even exist...and what would such a train of thought lead to?

"...like a freight train that derails from it's track. Never meets it's destination and it's never going back...."

Where is it hidding?

Have you ever found a thing just to figure out later that it was not what you really wanted? Happiness is like that, too. It is found when things line up, maybe more things than I can even comprehend. But, I know that some people are able to do things before others, I mean in terms of development. Ages for certain benchmarks are set, and some are sooner and some are later, but for the most part, take for instance walking, at 12 months of life a human can walk. But, some do it sooner and others are motivated to do it, too. But, my daughter, I thought she couldn't walk at 16 months, still, but later, she told me that ofcourse she could everyone can at 12 months. Ok.

Lately, someone asked opinions of if a child could make a choices to be baptised at age 8. Because it had been determined that a child was able to make decisions at the age 8 they are given the opportunity to chose to be baptized.

At 18 we are supposedly mature enough to live unaided by parents. All of us? The real concern I have is for choosing an eternal companion, someone to be with FOREVER, when I am not sure we can even understand what that means in this life, I guess some do, but I have merely learned what will not work.

If we live For eternity, then a person is a fluid concept. That is how I found where happiness is hiding.

We are happy when things align, we are simply not ever able to make such a choice in this life, and that is why we need to ask. It is a matter of faith, like wether or not you believe God exists, cause it cannot be proven.

Ok, so we must trust God to tell us, even if we do not like what he says. People fall in love because of how a person looks or acts, or IS right now, but actually, if they live forever probably all of that will change. But, ah hah! So will you.

I have been struggling trying to figure out what does not change so I can like that, but years have passed and everything changed except for an idea.

Ok, too much to say, too little time.... hopefully I'll be back to say more.

Public speaking

As I age, I thought I was maturing because I was less free verbally in public. But, as I get fat and try to exercise I realize it isn't maturity, it is just a thing that has always been hard, but used to be easy for me.

I never realized what things I did vecayse they were merely life for me. Even things I did last year seem way to hard to impossible to do now, like shoulder stands or thousands of situps. But, these things were effortless for me and I stopped doing them because I saw no effect. But, ise it or loose it.

I used to be a very open and candid speaker and I considered my increasing fear of saying a wrong thing, as just being more aware and aging, but it is just thst I stopped doing it and lost what I had and now must rebuild.

Why do we see

It bothers me to consider how much value we place on seeing things, but we do not really even see them and only get closer in hindsight.

How she did it

I want to understand how Eve was able to get Adam to give up. I think I already know, I just haven't actually realized it yet. She didn't really do it, just as we never MAKE anyone do anything. She did not coerse him or convince him that giving up was bad, she merely convinced him not to give up on anything is he was so inclined. 

Now, is where I reccommend a song. It is "Don't Give Up" by Jason Mraz