Sound theory

Not a sound theory, but a theory about sound.

Walking home My daughter and I were discussing things like magnetism, gravity, infa red, and sounds only dogs can hear and somehow we ended up with a very good theory about controling animals with sounds, like a remote control.

Yesterday, I heard some quote to the effect of if we only knew things we could see then we did not know much. I am just furthering that notion with sounds. Throughout life people have hinted at things that cannot be heard effecting us. My favorite is in a song on the Soundtrack to Bram Stoker's Dracula by Annie Lennox. It says, "for it is the drum of drums. It is the sound of sounds that knows now how it sounds." Music effects more than minds through words. But, as music therapists know it effects our moods. In a preface to LDS,hymnals it says that music increases the spirituality of a meeting, and when the early utah pioneers tried to celebrate Christmas they THOUGHT they did the best they could, but were chastised for not singing more. Even my father claimed that digital music will never overtake virtuosos when it comes to performance, because they cannot  duplicate the sounds that cannit be heard which have a great effect on the listener.

Great and terrible

Every hopeful Christian is familiar with such a sentiment. I am so pverwhelmed at such a great and terrible prospect that I cannot enjoy my excitement due to my anxiety. The phrase Heaven Help my Heart was never more applicable.

Do not be afraid

What would I really be fearing anyway? Won't God care for his children, providing a way for them, even if it means giving the life of his most beloved son as a ransom?

I got scared because Nick's over confidence is troubling ofcourse, but everyone gets somethings wrong, what matters is if he is trying to get them right.  What disturbed me is when he tries to pass off his wrong ideas to the innocent minds of his children. They accept magical flying ponies, so believing him comes natural.

I thought last night was merely another flub up that  needed to be corrected before a false idea crept in. Itvseemed of no lasting consequence until now. A warning that I wondered how it could be made public and not be "worked around" I am referring to the scripture that explains a method of discerning if a messenger comes from God.  This must have been included for a reason, and the fact that even my husband thought he understood, though he got it wrong,  was troubling. How much wiser and cunning is Satan?

I do not like him passing false ideas off as truth to the children, I type while I think of things I have said regarding Santa Claus, for instance. It solidifies to me how important it is to get them to the temple where they can learn a greater understanding of things, perhaps at the feet of God himself. Either way, there is learned the true ways to discern things where Satan cannot ever know. It is like a huge blind spot and it is actually good that my husband thinks he understands things...it honestly, does no harm, infact it reminds me of the disgust I have for those who deem themselves so mighty.

On a lesser note. It does bother me how much the children idolize and imitate Nick's behavior, like his yelling at people who he allows to offend him while driving. The kids play out such scenarios whwver they dislike another’s behavior instead of tolerance.

Hawthorne's Birthmark

Often literature comes to mind, I think it is because stories capture relationships in time to discover whatever, whenever we are in need, uh, maybe I watched too much "Super Why" with my children who are learning to read, but I was trying to put into a thought what it is I dislike about Utah. I mean of all places, it should be my ideal home, but it's not. And when we have a problem...look in a book, right?

Ok, so I opened up a Shirley Jackson story. no. That was a joke just to see if you were paying attention.  Let's start over.

I want to use a short story by Nathaniel Hawthorne to explain how I feel about Utah. The reason I am discontent usually has to do with expectations. Recently, a retired marriage counselor talked to a group about a thing called the golden egg syndrome. It is when a thing meets our needs splendidly, until we see more that we might not need but we want. No one is immune to this, think of the story of the revered King David, and his obsession with Bathsheba. See what I mean? Discontent is a dangerous tool that can destroy even the best.

In the story "The Birthmark",  the hero falls in love with and marries a beautiful wife, who is not only beautiful, but is perfect in everyway imagineable, except for a small hand shaped blemish on her cheek. He toys with Alchemy find a way to remove this single mark. He fails, but he now fails to see all that he has and only sees this blemish and it becomes a sort of taunt keeping him from enjoying his life. Finally, he creates a potion that will do the trick! His wife drinks it and sure enough! It fades away!!!! But, it kills her. Perhaps it was the only thing keeping her alive in such an imperfect world.

This story sheds light on how I feel about Utah. I so longed to be around others who think like me. What was that Golden Rule again? Yeah, I love being treated as I treat others, and I like not needing to explain why I do something. I have a perfect example of this!

I was volunteering at my son's school each Wednesday, then my Visiting Teaching (missionary work) companion  scheduled an appointment at the same time, so I could not do both. The Lady we were to go visit just had a grandmother pass away and she likely needed some caring friends to talk to. I know I wanted that, so if I did not go I would be hypocritical, but Although both were great things to do, both allowed me the opportunity to serve others as Christ would have me do, but I decided to go to the school citing my duties of mother trumped my duties of friend. My companion simply agreed with my choice and went by herself to visit the woman. This was profound to me because she simply understood without any in depth explination. You do not know how much I had wanted that and almost daily in the people I meet on the street or in the stores, in their eyes you can sense a sort of life being lived in a way I needed.

The people of Utah are truly a people of one heart and mind and I like to agree. And they love and serve one another to the point that there are truly no needy among them. What more could a person need.

I do not want to point out what could be better, I simply feel discontent. My sentiment is evident in this comment I made about this neighborhood. "Wow. It looks so meat and tidy, but I am confused why people who are so conscientious about litter and keeping things tidy would not put their shopping carts away properly. The parking lots look a disaster." But, I recognize now that no other place would be better.

I thought broadcasts of church conferences is how it would feel to live here, and it is obvious my neighbors listen and obey, but it is like we might as,well be in different congregations altogether. Like my husband. I followed everything I had,been taught. But, we attend a class together and what he learns and I learn are completely different, and I occasionaly am made to feel like I do not belong and I remind myself, I am just not understood.

I'm falling asleep.....

Pascal's wager

I loved it when I didn't  know what to believe, but knew I would do it whole heartedly if I did.

Today, as I considered some of my sort of askewed ideas, I thought what would be the reason or motivation anyway. So, it was a simple step to apply this kind of thinking to religion.

On a larger scale motivation had nothing to do with truth in the crusades, but even Jesus Christ himself, why? Why would he break laws like not working on Sunday to cure someone? The only answer I came up with was recognition. My dad used to say no advertisement is bad advertisement.  And it seems to be a good reason for a religion. Although, each claim to exist to spread truth. That would actually be recognition. And lots of religions build on what is popular, namely the Bible, then tweak it to mean what they think will appeal. So, suppose that explained the origin, what explains the propagation?

Religions still thrive and grow. It must be because they are filling a niche. I think there the law that nothing can be created or destroyed is in force here and something is knowingly incomplete and we seek to fill that void to the point that we would give our lives to feel whatever it is.

Some use drugs. Some use sex. Some fill their void with love, beauty or religion. But, honestly, what is it we want and what happens when we get it?

Cue Pascal's reasoning. Just suppose it is all master minded by those who are hoping to achieve power or something, seems crazy, but I bet Oracle's knew they were a hoax. Ok, let's suppose our truth really is THE truth?  It would be readonable to just believe it even if those who taught you were pulling your leg, because if it were true you would not only be so glad you lived how you did, but you helped others, too. Isn't it a seperate fact that we seek to help others. Why is that?

On the flip side. And this is likely only pertaining to me, but benefit, if you do. Why would my choices be of any consequence unless it was because my choice was one that effected others and gaining my trust gained more power... if that were the case then, power would be had by subjecting me to a "leader" sorta the thing the united states was afraid of with a cathloic president. The president would be subserviant to the pope.

So, the ultimate struggle would be a power struggle making earth like a great big intricate chessboard. And though seemingly insignificant, each pawn has a worth. Yeah, ok. But, why would surrendering by giving up or refusing to play be bad?

Well, if you refused to help you would be hurting. It is almost as if each has to choose a side, so refusing one is benefitting the other, which if you decided was reasonable anyway, so what?

I am not close to realizing or concluding anything, but I have to make dinner.

There have been moments

In one of my favorite films there is a line where a woman remembers her life as a child making a long ardous trek to "Zion". Instantly, it reminds me of Final Fantasy 7 or even Dr. Who where it is speculated how the notion of a promised land could be used to manipulate. But. I thought of he line "there were moments of siblime happiness" to explain my life as I recognize the likeness of a difficult journey, too often we feel it pointless because we lack destination. Even with a clearly defined purpose trials amd struggles cause pain, but there are moments of pure delight.

In the movie Shadowlands about the life of C.S.Lewis they explain a thing that I still have not mentally metabolized about how our struggle is part of the joy to come. recently, someone was explaining the duality of all things. All things have and need an opposite. That is just how it is.  And that I can understand. But,  in conext I was seeing a truth that the opposites attract although it seems as if they ought to repell.

Now, than chant of a line from "Lean on me" comes to mind, "a positive and a positive make a negative!" And I loved a song by Tal Bachman that meant something wholey unique to me probably, but the line says "butterflies and stingy nettles.... where's the joy to cure my sadness?" And from such a thought my terrible bouts of depression lead me to realize that although there have been moments of joy, likely equal to the struggle, thus fufilling a scripture that says that every blessing is granted according to a predetermined action, and the Lord is bound to bless us, but there must be some incredible joy to equal the sorrow or depression.

I am falling asleep. Typing is a sure fire way to invoke sleepy time, who needs tea?