Who benefits?

Qui Bono?

It hit me like a ton of bricks to realize that I have only had marginal successes in my various pursuits because my aim has always been selfish.

I am not naturally self-centered nor is it my goal to serve myself, yet that is exactly what I do.

When becoming a mother, which is very strange to even consider that I ever wasn't, I focused on others out of necessity. I always thought it odd and notable though how often we are reminded that in order to help others we must see to our own needs first. Oh well, this is not that.

Most specifically, in making videos I actually intend to share insights, like now, but my motivating goal is to show others that I am of value, too...just look at my thoughts! If my purpose had been to improve my audience, I would have improved content, and that will help me reach a new height.

Look at videos that are truly valuable... The self is almost always off camera or unrecognized and it does not matter, the information does.

Tower battle lessons

My son is going to be an incredible man. This is a thing I have always hoped and am yet astounded at how much better he will be than I even imagined.

As this post title suggests it was inspired by the revelations that poured in after playing with him for a bit today on Roblox.

Before playing, I only heard music from the games an ocassionally ansewered affirmatively when asked if I saw or liked what the kids did. It has replaced Minecraft as the number onecontender for attention around here. It allows me to get so much done, but I had to play along with them now to see exactly what they spent so much of their existence on.

I was pleasantly surprised to see my little boy was choosing to learn how through strategy cordinate different specialists to achieve a win over the many minions and bad guys who came wave after wave. I also noticed hiw easy it was to think I was good when I played with him because he always protected me and used his great power to make things easier for me.

When we had multiple players one player seemed to act counter intuitively by using earned income to place a DJ. The whole game is stratagedy and this seemed wrong to me. When he could have afforded another soldier. So, I asked WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHAT ON EART DOES A DJ EVEN DO?  Ends up, he was sacrificing his strength to help me cause Joe asked him to. A DJ made my attacks mire powerful and efficient aswell as allowing me to upgrade more. How thoughtful! We won! And I am sure I would not have done so alone. The game brocasts a message before each game that reminds the objective and that no one method always works. I thought, except teamwork!

A lesson a few weeks ago for FHE was about strengthening a family, based on a talk by Boyd K. Packer. An in it he told a parable which was a much deeper explanation of the roles of men and women and how they depend on eachother.

This is my answer and why I did not get the apartment or job when I certainly "could" have achieved such objectives ifI wanted to. It is better for me to allow Nick to provide for our family.

I have no doubt that I COULD provide and acheive as I see logical or best as I see things, but that is not the best thing for me to do in this family right now. I learned that from playing tower battles with my kids today. And I am glad they choose to play such games that teach them such brilliant and needed life lessons.

Being careful

Like a train I cannot derail because it looks unpleasant ahead. I literally cannot. I found a lot of inspiration in Sister Craven's conference talk this morning.

I have been promised the opportunity of being sealed to one who would love and cherish me. God keeps his promises. I am sure of that. I need to be constant in my promises, and repent of any failure to do so.

If sacrifices are equal to the blessings and all exactly like were previous. They would be exploited and anyone could gain great blessings through like sacrifices. I guess that is what motivates suicide bombers...

I absolutely know that the reason we are to come here blindly and build our families is so that we can learn the things that only family life can teach. Gaining a body is a given, keeping it is more important and most important is to find someone to create with and start something necessarily for eternal life. So families might not be necessary for temporal success but they are what I wondered wouldbe important eternally.

Joy

I wonder where I got the idea that attraction right now will not equal the joy of finding peace in an other existance. But, my actions have almost always been out of whack with what is going on around me. It made me question things like the guy sings about in that song " World" by 5 for fighting. https://youtu.be/1JDY1KvoQYk

I wonder if I am just chosing to play by their rules afterall in deciding why I am not following their rules.

So, if I choose to build the sort of family I think I need. I chose that it is more important to sacrifice the want to fall in love and figure that is only "mortal" anyhow... There's more to this than love. But, it feels like agame show where you can take a prize which is awesome or trade it for the possibility of a greater thing hidden behind a curtain. I almost always take the sure thing, yet in this case I say " forget reality, I want the opportunity to be really happy instead of sort of happy right now."

Ugggh! Heavy considerations always do this to me.