Serviceable?

Now behold, Helaman and his brethren were no less serviceable unto the people than was Moroni;

I was sort of nudged to relisten and ponder the end of Alma because it is found in the middle of the Book ofMormon and so I tend to rush through it and never even think about Amalickiah or hear stories about him which are real page turners (the stories about how he became a king, etc would make a great movie or serial).

Most specifically we have been asked to record things that strike us as noteworthy as we read. This passage and this word in particular stood out. Serviceable? Donot think I have evereven heard or said that word before, so maybe I ought to increase my vocabulary or atleast considerwhy it was chosen as it isnot commonly used...

Just this past week in our weekly church meetings missionaries spoke and expressed how significant love is in teaching the gospel. Service is an expression of Charity which is the true love of Christ. So, as the awesomeness of Moroni was expounded, the writer thought that one ought not forget the other great and wise men who "labored" (labor being synonomous with serve) among the Lamanite (contentious) people. So, it was mentioned that not only should we remember the great love Moroni had for his people, but Helaman and his brothers were also serviceable. A shorter way to put that the worked hard doing their part to serve and love their neighbors.

Whoah just whoah!

It does exist and I ought to say so much more, but can only mention it and how I stumbled on the death bed words as shared by a friend so that it will not be forgotten because it truly is the most important thing.

Really quick it makes me feel like Korihor as I often joked and even. Spitefully argued how there was no such thing as love, I had quite possibly mislead others because I fully believed falling in love was a waste of time used to keep us from accomplishing what we must, but I actually always hoped it did and still see how it is mocked and falsely impersonated to distract to the point that I had been fooled into believing it did not exist.

Just as satan can appear as an angel of light, love can be used to decieve. Often things that are powerful and life changing by design are imidated and there are so many imitations of love that one cane asily see them and logically prove it away, but True Love (now I am laughing as I consider a scene from "Princess Bride") does actually exist and not as a stumbling block to keep us from what matters but what does truly matter!

Will title later

Usually, having a working title before I start unloading my thoughts helpsto keep them from drifting too far off topic and sort of centers the things I allow myself to wander verbally to.

But, I have a strong need to unload and I honestly do not know what will pour out beforehand.

I am at the verge of allowing an action result from years of thinking. But, it has been a gradual reaching of a point. Like the straw that broke the camel's back. The world will only observe a consequence and find an explination that comes quickly and easily, but a lyric that plays/fits is " they say still waters run deep and you're no exception to the rule." And I think of the movie Inception. And do not foolishly think any one frustration was a sole motivator. Oh, I got it! The best way to explain it is a tid bit from a My Little Pony episode where terrible weeds sprout all over canterlot, and when asked if he was behind it, the bad guy (who is now good, sorta) feigns innocent acting surprised, but letting on to more in saying something to the effect of "yeah, strange. Those seeds should have sprouted years ago." That is the best way to explain my notion. My action will have resulted from cumulative cause over time. Which final straw may be removed but the sentiment has not.

Likewise, it has taken considerable time for me to accept something as true although no particular thing has changed, my perception of it has allowing and even describing how I feel about it. I can see the good cause behind my unhealthy obsession and now all that remains is the good cause.

The long run

So, when I get ready for the day, I look in the mirror. My thoughts are not immediate but for the entire day. Some times I think my hair looks nice, but it is like one of those glamor shots of the windblown look. It may be fine immediately, but it will not endure the day well. That is what I think about Satan. He reigns in the immediate and appeals to many, but as a past stake president said, we already know the story and who wins. I am reminded of well-known study done by giving children one treat and promising to give another if they keep their one treat. Like my dad taught: often people trade what they need for what they want right now! I see everywhere people claiming that one can only know the now and planning for the future is rediculous. Likewise, I do not know exactly what aday holds, but I prepare for it like aboy scout when doing my hair for instance. I sacrafice a immediately trendy look for a dull one that will surely endure a day and still look the same.

What I took from Job today

First of all, if you are reading for the title: I do not know anyone named Job and believe stealing is wrong. I meant to share what I understood anew from considering the story of Job in the Old Testament. Meaning that although I amfamiliar with the story and the various lessons reading it teaches. I read it again and got something entirely new as a message to instruct and encourage me this morning and I am going to share it.

The overarching sentiment or encompassing take away is that there comes a point when although things are important they are not necessary.

I do not have the luxury of time to explain right now...

I appreciate Enos more now

I suppose that I always appreciated Enos, but I am paying much closer attention to him as a fellow this time around. Although, a few things bewilder me still.
Most of all I paused on the wordsthat said the Lamanites were hard to understand. Then the thing I wish to speak about is this passage:

-- stirring them up continually to keep them in the fear of the Lord. I say there was nothing short of these things, and exceedingly great plainness of speech, would keep them from going down speedily to destruction

This is exactly what problems I am having with my husband and how he expects to both motivate and be motivated to act. Whereas, I feel like one ought to respect another's ability to make a choice not use fear. To me that is too much like Satan's plan to force everyone in to Heaven. Children need parental guidance, but all punishment or forcefulness ought to be done with the awareness of why so every choice is understood and a framework or heavenly law imerges as evidence to our choices. This is morality not cohersion. When help is needed it is there UNTIL the training wheels can be removed. It is why teens struggle so much for independence. They want to experience first hand consequences that result from their actions. It is like they are learning for the first time the very thing I am trying so hard to establish.

I think now about my baby, Mary Anne. She had an exceptional kindergarten teacher who alone could figure out how to motivate my stubborn, rude little angel.

We knew that deep inside she wanted to be kind and loving and yet She purposefully aggrivated others and disrepected any one who tried to force her to behave. This teacher learned how to motivate her to be good. She did this by rewarding good behavior and subsequently, that has always worked where punishing bad behavior only seems to make her worse.

In a class I recently took it was brought to my attention that forceful negative language sometimes will not work where praising good will. A study showed that children hear only the last words of the command to "do not throw cars." And even if or maybe more particularly when they want to obey they throw the cars. Where as thanking them for not throwing cars and mentioning why we do not throw them teaches them moral behavior.

From experience, with Mary I learned that speaking in positives and a pleasant tone has earned her love, respect, and one hundred percent obedience. I think it is similar to the way Enos must've been feeling about the Lamanties. I am soooooooooo thankful for my daughter's teacher and I have told her so.

I have prayed often for her and her name comes to mind whenever I wonder about what I am most thankful for. It truly is no little thing. Infact, when Enos prayed and was heard and answered it was the sincerest wish of his heart to want to help his bretheren despite what appeared. I can relate to that feeling of love. I remember right now a story told by Thomas S. Monson at a regional conference in Seattle about a nurse who prayed to love a patient who seemed unlovable. She was granted the momentary ability to feel as the Savior did for this cantankerous old man and so much love wore her out physically as it was a burden to love so purely and intently. It is eye opening to know that He actually loves us all that much and also wants each of us to be motivated by love and not fear. Fear, afterall, is the opposite of faith...

Words can do harm

Many notable people have noted things in their own way. This is how I realized that the pen is mighty. I was watching a TV show called Law & Order and I thpught I knew how to judge and no simple words,regarless how compelling, would persuade me otherwise. Yet after the well scripted argument was made for the guilty party. I did change my mind.

This made an impression on me. If I read or listened to the wrong things I could be persuaded to believe them. All along I believed that I had an innate ability to judge. It was independent of the words of anyone, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Right? Well, from that point on I learned the importance of not allowing subversive or contentious words into my head. If I wanted to believe a thing and it made me happy to do so, then I needed to gaurd and protect it and nurture it.

This little belief is what is referred to as a testimony. This past week I was telling a group of children a thing I knew although they doubted. I forcibly told them it WAS true and at that point I realized that reasoning the truth was not going to prove anytjing. I felt solidly that what I spoke of was true and I have never felt like that Ever Ever before. But, I knew that it was correct and I want to feel that way again. My son was in the class and so I asked him what he believed and he said that he knew that I knew it and so it must be true because I do not just quickly believe anything haphazardly.

But, I was researching things that are evidence of what I said, and found questionable things that I would not even look at and thought "what could a few words, that are someone else's opinion do?" So, I thought all of this and remembered, "sticks and stone may break my bones, but words could spiritually kill me."

I got it

I figured out by shutting down and rebooting, if you will. It became clear to me the thing I had questioned with no solution for years: "Why did I cling to things when everyone I esteemed intellectually thought otherwise?"

It has to do with what you surround yourself with once you have a choice.

Children are likewise taught that taking drugs is bad. They avoid taking drugs because that is something the make a choice to do. Subsequently, they never experience the gradually diminishing ability to make choices.

I do not remember the song or interview specifically, but somewhere it was said by Chad Kroeger/Nickelback that a person was hardly recognizable due to their dependance on a substance. To me that is like to the sort of people/media we surround ourselves with. When people I admire are surrounded by the same things I am they behave in a way I admire and try to emulate. Further, if I were to be under the same environmental pressures I would change my views, but our worlds and thus influences are so different by choice. In reality, those are not individuals I actually admire because when they made their choice, their choice was not one that lead to independence. In my view they have given up freedom for captivity of thought. I only saw this becauase I stepped back and started over. Good in good out...

Now, what the heck did I just say? I said that through shutting down the outside world and then carefully allowing good things alone into my mind,  I can see why I think differently than others. It is because I fill my mind with different things. If I filled my mind with similar things, I would likely share their points of view, but what they think is not a strength in thinking just a difference. And it is a thing to be mindful of that I think differently than others I once greatly admired. But, I chose differently when I had a similar choice.

It is only an impression that remains, but there was a cross-road in my life where I had to decide to not heed a major force and instead cling to what I knew that I loved. I think others may find happiness different places and would not feel a sense of fufillment without seeking for their "place in this world". I do not belittle that but admire it as much as I find great peace in knowing I am where I belong.

I often think "I wonder if others are happy where they are or if they wish they were where I am." (a subconscious result of years of listening to. Darker Side of Blue).

I hope hope hope that someone would rescue me if ever I followed the wrong lead, but I have come to achieve a peace of mind regarding what I believe to be true is true as, far as I am concerned. I am not looking anymore. I was only looking because if others believed something else was true why didn't I? And I know why now. And so the best that I can do it toss a rope ladder down into the well and trust that if Timmy wants to be rescued he will climb up otherwise I know I tried to help but my help was not even wanted.

CS Lewis and proverbs

This was just one of many fleeting thoughts. In the movie Shadowlands which I was watching again the charachter of CS Lewis is called a lapsed atheist, and it made me think deeply about the proverb that I had always accepted as fact which is that if you train up a child a certain way he will return to it. But, C.S.Lewis was not merely Christian as a lapse, but would never return to his earlier belief. I instantly thought, "well, of course Christianity is true and he found it, that proverb only applies to those who were taught lies and only momentarily in their life get side-tracked in a search for more." But I have all thoughts tempered by my inner Plato who asks uh, this scripture is generally used to soothe the worried minds of parents who strived to teach their children of God but, despite this, they "lapse" in their path and seek truth elsewhere. These parents find consolation knowing that their "way ward child" will return.

My back hurts.... Must rest.

Created for love?

I am dping some serious soul searching right now. It is a period of asking more questions than I immediately have answers for. Hence, for the sake of seriousness, I am sharing very little because it is of a private nature and not fit to be used as informational fodder towards any agenda.

I have previously congratulated myself for not getting tripped up on a thing that befalls many only to see that the tripping up was an intended thing. That thing is love
I am not in love 💘. But, although not falling afforded me many advantages those advantages are mostly short term. It was impressed upon me, (for what it means to me, I don't yet know), that we were created for a purpose and that purpose includes achiwving eternal life. I very quickly set aside the living for happiness in lieu of achieving a goal unthwarted. But, I genuinely suspect that what seems to be a failure was accounted for and sort of by design. So, maybe I shot myself in the foot the day before a big race.

It is true many pleasures distract and are not going to bring any lasting happiness. I refer to being slothful and lazy or gluttonous. They seem happy, but actually distract from true potential. Like a youth conference I attended in Mississippi where in a period representing our lives...leaders tried to convince us that we should use the free time to enjoy ourselves and not take boring classes. I instantly saw the wisdom and truth being taught but I interpretted it incorrectly to mean one ought not enjoy themselves if they wanted to truly succeed. And I did succeed. It was sort of my accident or coincidence that I just randomly happened to choose the right first steps thus being the first and practically only one to figure out what was going on. And so I sized up the limited potentially available spouses and chose none of them. I deemed it a better choice and then went back and sort of fast tracked another random dude so I could proceed and be married because it was essential. I did not care one whit that my spouse was in love with another girl (his girlfriend), I was not going to be tricked into failing to meet a requirement because of love.

So, in this little scenario I succeeded and was actually alone for a long time in what was supposed to represent the Celestial Kingdom. Then, finally "my husband" showed up and we were given a mock family, mostly of others who were not actually married but met all of the other requirements. Um, if I had an original point I lost it. Now, I am just telling a story. After some time we had a meeting to share what we learned. I was asked to go first as I was first and alone for a long time in the "Celestial Kingdom". Wouldn't you know it, as we met all together in a larger room my "husband" left to go sit by his real girlfriend and so my family all left to go be with friends and loved ones.

What I get now from all of this is that it is no advantage to accomplish without someone to share it with.

A philosophy professor once asked our class if they had dear or loved ones and if they would be associated in the afterlife...further because many believed they would be alone praising God,he asked if they thought they would ever even recall their loved ones and if so how could they be eternally happy?

Last thought comes from the movie Shadowlands where the hero realizes that the Joy then comes from the sadness now. So, I used to think that if I were miserable now I would be so much happier after I endure it. But, perhaps love 💘 is much more than that, and I can make much more sense out of things if I were loved.