It doesn't work...duh

I am speaking specifically about my weight loss expectations, but what I found is applicable to many things because no matter why I say it, it is true.
It was so backwards mentally of me to keep doing the wrong thing and expect the right things to happen.

I knew that we were not defined by our physical beauty, and not to worry too,much or let it waste my time, or become a stumbling block. Beauty was a good thing to posses, like well groomed yards, but it is not the purpose of our being. A good point to ponder at this point would be why Godliness is closely related to cleanliness and what cleanliness refers to.

I believed that our charms were for young age to attract a spouse, and cause him to place you first and desire to care for a family. So, I never felt like I achieved that with my husband. It seemed no matter how I aimed to please, he was oblivious and actually said and did things that suggested that he was settling for me. But, wished that I looked like those other women he saw so, no matter how I tried to improve my appearance it did absolutely nothing. He did not desire me, even now, he is making huge strides towards being a better father and husband, but the point is he doesn't love me and has never done or said anything to show that.

It is very hard on you. When you believe that your eternal worth is assigned by one who probably would just assume that you die or something. But, I overcame a huge obstacle in learning that if you believe something true your faith becomes active, I believed and nothing happened, but had yet to consider that I was wrong.

I utilized various techniques told to help make you feel beautiful, but still believed that I was not beautiful unless my husband said so. Then, I figured it out. I was beautiful, and so were others, I knew that I was the daughter of a king and beautiful and that I had all of the latent attributes necessary to stop obsessing about how to be prettier.

I prayed for years to be radiant, and my prayer was being answered. My true beauty only needed to be cleaned and polished, it was never intended for display anyway.

This is for Latter-day Saints only:

Not because you are some elite member or something, but because likely only you will understand what I am getting at.

I used to lament and feel like it was fair that if we were a beautiful princess in the preexistance then we would be the same in our bodies, so that whole sweet spirit thing used to irk me. I didn't give a flip about how sweet my spirit was it should only be an ornament to a beauty that remained across lifetimes, I,mean  we had to have a lifetime that included others didn't we?

I never thought that romantic love would really just be left to chance, if our families were organized before birth, and if we were intended to give a body to certain spirits and those spirits actually look like the spirits they house then genetics, I am ignoring mutations, genetics would need to provide a certain acceptable smorgasboard for imitating spirits. So, that would be a reason that marriage or parents could not just be based off of a mortal attraction, though I think mortal attraction is part of it.

We believe our children are counting on us to make bodies for them, so the would be concerned with trying to manipulate couples. I personally, think my parents are very desirable parents. They are very diverse and attractive. And my siblings are all outstanding individuals, I can see that much plainly, and it is very ego boosting to think that I associated with them and they allowed me to be part of their family. I do not really know how finding eachother worked, but I like the feeling that I get from thinking about my eternal family and that they actually chose to be sealed to me, although Nick chose not to, we must respect other's agency. And children do not acidentaly end up in a family.

Just this morning, uh, this has practically nothing to do with my self image, still, just this morning I was thinking about how Mary Anne is so extremely helpful, and that I suppose she knew that would be something I needed. Also, it has been commented how similar Brooksie AMD Mary are. That is something I always thought. The two are almost too much alike, but I can feel such pride in knowing that they chose to come be,my daughter's even if I was a tad ugly, they are both extremely beautiful!!!!

Though it would be helpful to tell exactly how I did it, I do not know. There are tons of little.stories that picked me up and helped my thoughts along their path that would ultimately end in self acceptance, but it just happened.

This life altering self concept came gradually and after years of struggling. Most of my struggle was so believe that I would find peace if only my husband told me that he thought I was,beautiful. Like a scene from Downton Abbey where Mary asks Matthew why he should trust her at all or be on her side. He explains that he has seen her completely naked and sticks around, what could be more scary or revealing? It is actually a very cute scene, one I never had, but *spoiler* he ends up dying then.

Anyway, my point was that if we are seeking and seeking but nothing is found. Probably, it is not the right thing. Being beautiful does not depend on anyone's opinion or trying to sway it.

I want to end with this song by Savage Garden:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSxx-IP6C_w&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Eating Healthy is a lot like Algebra

Maintaining a good diet is a lot lot algebra in that it is something that may never save your life, but when it does, you will be so thankful for. Buuuut, neither health or mathematics is or ought to be motivated by that reward anyway.

My next sentance will seem to have nothing to do with either math or health, and that is exactly why it is included. I understand why Tess did such a gruesome thing. That sentance is like algebra, it seems entirely irrelevant, and yet, my health and sanity require that I vent such things occassionally, instead of allowing them to fester.

I used to be outraged that fellow students would even dare to.consider algebra insignificant. Learning to find what we do not know by using what we do know seemed extremely useful and even necessary because we cannot know all things, so learning that it is ok to just assign a variable is very significant.

There is an entire subculture of health nuts who become so obsessed with being physically healthy that they are infact unhealthy, but a wise person can see how they do not represent the whole. This is a lot like any group of people that are recognized by their extremists.

True story here, I was hospitalized with a rare illness. A displaced infection attacked my brain and nervous system. It seemed like nothing would "save" me. Most attempts failed and I was slipping, but an extreme measure was taken and though there was no pattern of success to follow and most assumed that I would just die, I fought off the infection with the help of the extreme drug, most doctors were shocked and several commented that it was due to my health code that my body was able to endure and survive, and that a typical human body would have perished. So, yes. I do believe that being aware of how you treat your body is important and that being healthy can save your life.

I never worked this in, but wanted to remind that health is more than what you eat, and that whatever you put in will come out. So, please, put the best things in, this includes music and video, too and reaches to our friends. A friend recently said that time had taught that there are people who make you happy and people who bring you down. We are intended to be happy, which is to say healthy.

Your turn

Please refelect a while before answering.

Would you do anything differently if you thought it was impossible, but see that it actually can be done?

Who actually believes that anyway?

Tonight, I was musing myself with various cliche's. The one I entirely do not believe is true is the one that says it is,better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

My first example is a young chick who is fat and ugly, but has one feature that is nice like the muscle tone that makes a cute dimple on her back. Then there is another girl who has,always been as if not prettier than almost anyone around, so as the both age the latter girl is so dissatisfied with her appearance, which is still a million times prettier than average or the other fatter girl, but the first girl was,never seen as pretty anyway and so it is no big deal to her but the latter girl goes though a severe depression.

The next example is an star pupil who managed to graduate with a 5.5 GPA and got a full scholarship in engineering to an ivy league school, and his best friend was salutatorion in his graduating class of 68 people, and gets a great, high paying Job right out of high school and ends up running for office and becoming a governor and he passes a law that states that students may only get scholarships in their own state of residence. So, the first boy cannot afford to go to the school he wants and instead works as a laborer in a local factory, falls in love and gets married, living check to check. Both loose their memory as they age but which has greater cause to mourn?

Ok, now that you have been away for a story or two, think about the coulple who was really in love but a spouse died opposed to an unmarried woman and who's story is really the saddest or worst?

http://youtu.be/pZufpM3Qjq0

Instead, I favor the notion that ignorance is bliss and it is better to just not know what you are missing.