Demograghic

This thought occurs often, and because it is uncomfortable I push it away. In short, my husband is very much the same as the demographic I dislike and call it Black, but I am not racist. And so it is not a skin type that I dislike, it is an attitude generally. Shown by a type of living. We are all poor down south. One result that I identify with is the honest, misunderstood, but ever inventive redneck. Then there is the culture of poor people who desire to appear like they are not poor. They drive nice looking cars and wear designer clothes and blare popular music and buy up all of the latest tech gadgets. They hope to give an air of happy and successful. But, they sacrifice by living in squallor. Sadly, it works on the mentally deficient and the government though.

Generation after generation they continue to live this social lie, so they intermarry and become a very big poor lie. Most of these folk are black people who live off of government subsidies and complain about entitlements while others work hard, figure out what must be done and actually become wealthy. It reminds me of the whole "give the man a fish or teach him to fish" thing. It is not a race that I dislike so much it is a demographic of leeches who neglect self improvement because they are so concerned with how they will look.

Another day, another dream

Back story: My dreams are always more intense when I fall back asleep after Mary wakes me up, like she did last night. I almost think those dreams are the ones that have a bit of my awareness in them. Mary Anne woke me up several times just as I fell asleep. Whining about wanting to see another "Toy Mom" episode on Youtube. I think Youtube is addictive. They pedal ideas that are so sugary even Joseph wakes up wanting to watch it. So far I do not think it has done any harm, neither is currently watching.

I had such a weird dream.

I was in a class and as always an incredible thought came much after the question that cause it had passed, but then the teacher asked, is there anything else to add, and I thought "who cares how I appear? This is my opportunity to share this nagging thought!" I raised my hand and the teacher ignored it. I was upset, but then I was so busy feeling upset that I forgot my original thought anyway. I thought, hmmm. If I remember it I will be sure to blurt it out instantly but I never thought of it, even now, I cannot remember it. I realized once again that any brilliance I ever have is not of myself and the second I do anything to drive it away, I am left with just myself which is very little, the thought that lingers this morning is, "That thought was a gift for you. Stop sharing everything. Everyone is on different levels and will be taught the thing that are right for them."

 So, my internal teacher reflex was rebuked. The End.

Peers and neighbors

Not much need be said to get you in the frame of mind that considers all of the things that, though intended for good might have nefarious purposes. The first thing to come to my mind is technology. It is amazing that so many advances that have been made just in my lifetime. Ok, so now the break down of good and evil. Things are constantly available that make genealogical impossibilities not only possible but easy. But, those same technological advances have prolifierated pornography.

I was thinking today quite hard about one of my greatest blessings and pet peeves, Utah. It is so marvelous to live where there are so many others who have been taught and think like me. It is a huge, noticeable difference from where I was raised.

In the same breath I hate it here. It is like I get to see that I am just odd. Even though I could be so at peace, instead I find that although I share ideas, I do the same things, but for different reasons. Should that even matter?

It is like people are using the large number of like minds to justifybad behavior instead of sort or reinforce the good. My husband's family calls me an "orthodox" Mormon. Huh? Is there such a thing? Apparently there is.

Think about the parable of the Good Samaritan. We should love our neighbors, right? Well, I see this being a reason to overlook bad because of the good. In a show a "Bad guy" saved people, and it confused. In many things I thought it was black and white, but here if you do good in all other things then you are allowed a few bad things. I have not even mentioned the reason I fit in in some degree is because culturally, they were taught to do things, and did, freeing their will to choose things I do not agree with. The things I did agree with, I fought to make part of myself against peer pressure, but here the pressure is to do the right.

So, I guess anything can be viewed as a positive or a negative. That explains how wars are fought and it applies to each of our internal war.