My theme for today is to determine which love I love the most. That inspired this memory or thought, or some might have another name for those sorts of head thingys.
Whatever it is called, aptly or not, I recalled the time a lady who I really admired and she had among other people who decided that they needed me as a counselor at different times, heard me bear my testimony about the Young Women's program, then she called me almost immediately, by call I am not saying that she phoned me. She asked me to serve the other young girls in our unit, anyway, I tell that back story to establish the fact that she was highly respectable and was as we LDS say "intune" with things enough to receive regular revelation, and I trusted her completely.
It was a huge blow to me, when I was pregnant with my first daughter that she called me aside into a smaller room because she had something that she had to tell me. She seemed very distressed and not wanting to do it, but felt like she had to, She told me that she had a significant dream about Brandall and I and we were in the hospital and grieving, She did not know any details, but knew when her dreams would come true. I took it as I was only a side person in this significant dream and though she did not want to say anything to me, she felt like she had too.
I had not thought much about it subsequently because Lena was fine, her 12th birthday is coming up, infact. I only think of it because I realize any choice I have is not for myself, but for others, and my choice is not obvious to me because It is not a matter of an eternal family or not, that would be too simple and easy.
And as I thought about how my choices are to keep the promise that I made to God to love and rear those children that he left in my care. I thought about how easy it was to sort of abandon those older kids because I knew they would always do what is right and had Brandall to guide them and I did believe that he would always teach them the right things, and he has. they are such good children. I think Heavenly Fther loved me and them enough to provide for them, I still believe they got to live here because I pestered Heavenly Father, but it was more for my sake than theirs. I love Lena so much and that triggers my memory of how scared I felt for her safety, all because a woman thought maybe She would die at birth (if I hadn't clearly said that).
I value life an the opportunities that come from living.
