Once upon a time

We learn from our mistakes and pass what we learn on to those who can steer clear of our past mistakes. Well, why do we still pass on the belief of a happily ever after. Failure is sort of inevitable. We all still think.someone has found true love and that getting a divorce is going to make it possible to find for ourselves. Um, when we will just see that there is no magical happily ever after generated by finding a perfect match but matches are only perfect if they endure.

Lesson de Aurthur

I turned on the TV to occupy my daughter as I went for my morning jog attempt. And at about 4:30am an episode of Aurthur taught me something about music that was so awesome, I must have realized it before.

I was thinking about absolute music vs. Songs with lyrics. The episode was called, "Do you speak George". In the episode, the kids were doing a thing I always did, too, it seems natural for kids to explore the properties of communication. They were creating secret languages that were shared only with a selective few. The pinacle was a moment an outsider said that it sort of frustrated the point of communicating, and we ought to just use our vernacular (universal language) which was natural and proven through it's survival to be the best.

I had always thought "classical" music superior in that it was universally understood and it was classical because it endured. But, then it was a natural evolution of music to use poetry like Morrissey and other lyrics we studied in English class.

As I saw Authur I thought there is a need to be understood and not everyone will take the time to learn the Things music has to say, so at least language arts continues to be part of a standard ciriculum, so the best music does use words so that all can understand. On the show a kid said idealistically, everyone will speak sign language so as to not exclude those who cannot hear. To me, this is like music. Sure I prefer absolute music because it makes sense to me, but it is as idealistic as that boy who said, everyone should learn sign language. Not everyone drools over a powerful symphony or a complex poem, but put them together and they not only understand but crave it.

Doing good

Another off hand comment got stuck in my mental playlist yesterday. It made me realize how true it is that the most meaningful things we ever think/say are done so unaware and it is less likely the things we intend to effect will effect quite as much as the other filler stuff will.

Anyhow, that being said, the thought was that these little posts are never intended to have any effect or be noticed, really, but these words might be written precisely for you though I was truly oblivious. So many others have told me things like, "you have no idea..." To "You must understand what you are doing..." Truth is, I am just doing what nature dictates, I do not write with any intention of effecting others for good or ill, sorry. But, just think of your favorite novel, does the hero have any concept of you or effects his/her choices will have on you? No. That is proposterous. Likewise, I have no notion of you, or even me and how things will play out, but I will continue to record it.

Some other thought branches:
1) Journals make wonderful movies.
2) A man mentioned recording things without knowing why. Later someone told him it was work of the spirit of Elijah like Malachi spoke of.
3) the scripture in the book of Mormon that says something like, "I write to you as if you were here, but you are not."

I do not know how to include this thought, but. I need to record an event. It is very important to me to seek out how to and do whatever is necessary to take family names to the temple as was challenged by our stake to do so as soon as the Ogden Temple reopens!

Gasp!

I find that timing is always an issue for me and so I am about to go under again, I had a long enough time to gasp, lungs filled with air. I am going to loose access to it again for a while.

When I can breathe I do not value it so much as when I am in need of air and I resent the oxygen around me doing me no good as it is bein put to use as it water. I clearly see that I need Oxygen, and it is everywhere around me, but already in use. It is these times when I know clearly what I must do, or is it just desperation? Because, as soon as I am able to breathe again, the tming is off and I start to think that maybe sinking underwater is not so bad. I surely will escape someday, so I gasp and sink again.

My question is why are my moments of clarity only when I cannot do anything about it? And then I become confused and unsure of my choices when I could, only briefly, help myself.

I have been told that confusion is equated to a no. Is this true? I honestly want to do what is right, no matter how hard it maybe, um on second thought, I am sorry I even thought that. There are many situations that I would avoid if I could and I can. So, does that mean my own comfort causes my confusion? Hmmmm

Steps

One at a time, I accomplish new plateaus of thought. Obstacles that seemed insurmountable have melted away into smaller obstacles today in one of my classes a comment shook my world so much that when they settled I woke to a world that although I could not master yet, I knew the day would come when I could.

It is a matter of taking a step at a time. Which direction are we headed is far more significant than how fast we get there. Another thing that influenced me was that the thing that we dream of will be ours. Sounds pretty simple, but it boils down to the thought that fills our empty moments forms who we will become. I bet it was said to encourage a reevaluation at what matters most to us. But, it is full of hope to me. I am getting closer although I am not there yet, I will be.

About time - Living longer

All this chain reaction of thought started when I thought about how I inherited incredible traits from my parents. And how people never used to live this long, but I have genetic traits that will not wear out before my time on earth ends.

Because we live longer we do not need to live faster! I am ideally paced in my maturity, I suppose I just like me. But, I realized that all along I had been comparing myself to the standards that were far younger than me and then supposing my peers were much older than me. I missed my ideal age which used to be when people started dying, so I never would have had to live through this state of slow decay while still alive. Anyway, I missed my prime in my 30's assuming I was too old to matter or even attempt to make a mark. I guess that is one reason I got so sick to be fair to others. If I had been allowed to.continue normally uninterrupted by illness, I would have been took competent and too charming with an unfair advantage as my body would have seemed super human. I am not so bad considering what I endured. I just missed a good support where it should have been and would have been if I didn't get all over anxious to live.

Now, I am realizing that I do not need to be in any hury I will have plenty of time. I just read the coolest comment about time: Time is wasted if you don't use it. I add that it is useless. I loved Kung Fu Panda, too when It was said, The past already happened, the future is yet to be, but the time we actually have is a gift that's why they call it a present.

But, my thought this morning was that all of this scheduling and deadlines is a product of finite thinking, so instead I will have eternal perspective and slow down and try to enjoy the briefest of moments that I have living this life. In acting class one of the tips taught was given by teaching us how to have a perfect performance. It was likened to playing tennis and thinking of only what our duty was in the particular moment. Things are easier if we simplify by narrowing our perspective to fit the moment, yet knowing it is part of a larger time frame. Knowing that gives us the security we need to just trust that if we do well now consequentually eternal life will be good. Knowing life is not going to end gives us a special appreciation for the moments. Each "now" is like a bead stringedon a never ending necklace of life.