If nobody knows you

If nobody really knows you how could they ever claim to know God?

More trust less thought

I asked my son to explain the differences he perceived between the words mind and brain, and I knew that it would not be regurgitation of things I had already taught him because I had not ever spoken on this topic. His ideas of course fit right in line with mine, they always do because he is my son. This makes me think of how things become or exist in microcosm and microcosm everywhere so it feels natural to believe that things greater were created by something greater and more capable, sounds like a parent.

I am convinced that there is a God but not because I reasoned him into existence, but because I undeniably know it. I have always been scientific in that I start in belief and theorize and then aim to prove. Accordingly, I have been waiting to know the way to prove things I know to be true about a Heavenly Father, but finally figured out such a thing makes sense, but does not originate with reasoning. It is the absence of knowing (by definition) to believe. And if a man wants to know it seems pointless to live.

Unless...

Things are known by other means. If a man prays God surely will grant them that information.

I see a huge downfall through the very tool to raise up, namely religion. Rhetoric works to teach a man the things he seeks to know of God, and aims to teach a man to pray, but ultimately It has trusted too much in itself.

I have even heard people question if everything believed was a lie when they found that somethings were a lie, as ultimately man will realize (just look at history). I love a talk spoken by a prophet Gordon B. Hinckley where he speaks of Christ being the center piece and the cause of all reckoning (hence B.C. to A.D.). It is pointed out how long Christianity has survived despite the attempts to thwart it. Although, a psychology professor tried to point out flaws in the religion, it only was "taken in" by those who live by reasoning. Surely, it is easy to reason out how religions are incorrect. They seek to lead a soul to Christ, and what a nobel thing that is to do. Still, it is not the religion that will "save" a man, but Christ himself.

Blah, blah, blah... I am still trying to use language and understanding to lead one to knowledge, perhaps it is because I care too much, for some odd reason, about wether or not friends and loved ones will make it...imagine life as being like a dark tunnel or cave to be passed through. Once through or having seen light I want to place mirrors strategically to guide others through, assuming we all originally intended to pass through. It only now occurred to me that perhaps others intended to stay in dark corners or something. Well, if someone knew a way through and did not share It with me I would feel hurt.

It all started with Big bird

Years ago I happened upon a video where parents shared insights about growing up with Sesame Street. I bet a whole lot of research went into The development of it's episodes as well as characters. There was a time when I had so reverence for the program I figured the only people who were allowed to be any part of it must be super human. In college when considering career options I paused for a moment to consider one day being good enough to audition for a part on that show, but it was only a moment. I would never be able to achieve that sort of prowess. Putting my great respect and admiration aside another comment drew my attention and it seemed commonly expressed by then parents. The comment was that most awe wasfor Big bird because he was so big, and it was something they all aspired to.

I remembered those comments my first days working as a headstart assistant. Though, height never once crossed my mind as a child I thought I bet it is on their minds. So, I decided to play the part of an equal who was already grown up. And I stood up to show them all how tall I was and opened up a conversation about what we all had in common (having been born).

My mother often expressed a love of a children's show called "Wonder Pets" inthe show the tiny individuals worked together getting great things accomplished through team work. If it was significant to my motherthan even if I did not understand how it WAS significant. I wanted each and every child to feel empowered by community, or as wonder pets sang "team work".

Then, today, I stumbled on a TED talk where a woman spoke about how essential it is for every child to feel like they have a champion on their side or as I would like to say "team".

A long story...

It starts with a dude named Zacharias going into a temple to burn incense. I was explaining to my daughter how incense represented prayer. And how God was going to answer Zacharias' prayer regardless what what seemed impossible. The discussion took us many places one that I thought had been burried long ago when she lost a little skirt to a super tiny Elsa Doll years ago. She had been praying because She had been taught to do that and believed enough to act accordingly and when she did not find It still, she did not decide that God did not hear or answer prayers but came and asked me to help. So, I prayed almost the most earnestly I had in my entire life. But, we never found the skirt. It did not shake our testimonies in the least. I just rationalized that it was such a petty thing that God was not giving us a solution because he has to draw the line somewhere and that really did not require Heavenly aide. But, I was nagged to go revisit my prayer. Upon doing so I realized that it had been answered!! My prayer was that her testimony would be increased and that through that experience she might be blessed to know that her father in Heaven loves her. Check, check. It was pretty much that she wasn't answered as is typical that caused the situation to stand out in my mind and call for a better explination.

Another example that I used was of the Island Princess Moana. On shore she set out sailing to find Maui. Because she did not know anything about sailing her situation was in danger...serious, danger. She asked for supernatural aid and was shipwrecked as a result. Her first comment is alot like Zacharias not appreciative because it was terribly misunderstood. She said, "Um, not helping." She was capsized in the ocean, then a huge storm came to her "aid".She was sailing with the intent of finding Maui and ended up on his disserted island! Maybe, that is alot how things work for all of us.

Figures

Lost mine. But it led to brilliance. I was thinking about how stupid sizes are. Today, I examined all my clothes because a woman asked me what size I was looking for, I told her that I was unsure. Should I look for clothes that fit me now or in two weeks.

I perceived that she thought I meant that I was expecting a weight change due to a diet or something. Not so. I merely was noticing how rediculous. "Sizing" myself was because no two companies use the same standards and even if they did I cannot even fit into my own clothes from last year! I laughed at an old roomate who tried on a wetsuit of mine and claimed that it would fit if the torso was longer. She was a large girl and I was on the extreme side of thin. Plus, I was a great deal taller than her. But, today many of the larger clothes were still a small size when I have no doubt that I am no longer a small anything. It is frequently said that one can hide a lot of weight with height. And I think that is the case. I have steadily been gaining weight only it was too subtle to notice the gradual change in size/weight.

Enough time?

I bath in with time, like I actually own it or something. I doubt I will have the time to complete this thought, for instance, but Here I go, anyway.

Is it just a phase of life that we are preoccupied with obtaining love? Cause, I seriously wonder if that ship has sailed for me. It makes me wonder what will ultimately matter to me. "Oh, don't worry over that. Worry is thought or of the mind and truly does not matter."

For years, I loved and now when I think on love it is his idea that comes to mind. But, I have consigned myself to a state of wishful improbability or in other words I accept that impossibility and you know, it really doesn't matter much. What does matter is the tender hearts of my children who are still capable of experiencing true and powerful love.

I often heard the term "past feeling" and it was negatively associated but from a place whereI honestly do not feel anything it is actually liberating.

So why is So much focus placed on caring...most specifically caring for others?

Shoveling ice? I truly do not understand that metaphor, but that is the comfort I am given.

When I am the Hero

If I were to watch my life as an epic tale though in comparison to the accepted "norm" my actions would seem rediculous and they often do, to the omniscient viewer I would appear praiseworthy. Love would be a strength actually, my grand integrity and unfailing devotion with no return or even any suggestion of what may happen. I simply loved once and true regardless of how circumstance changed.

What do *I* intend anyhow

I will say plainly so as to remove all mystery. It is not the usual motivators that move me to act. Usually, it is sex, money, fame, etc. I want realness.

I think everyone does as a common denominator.

If I pray for you, you may not want it or like it. Apreciation does not motivate me. I pray for what you need.

Dad used to say, " too often, people give up what the need for what they want right now." I actually do care what you want right now, but my ultimate desire is for what is needed: Cue "5 Needful Things" (song)

In preparations for testimony meetings

I periodically question why people meet together monthly to testify what they know to be true. Ultimately, I always determine that the act itself, regardless the lens through which I currently view it, is a thing God has condoned because of his love and understanding of mankind and their tendencies.

I was considering how difficult things create strength and as a teacher of young children, I often must let them struggle to achieve a true understanding of a thing that I could simply do or tell them. But, it is through allowing them to form their own internal conclusions that character is actually built.

God could simply say a thing and we might believe it or not. Or, He could allow us to figure it out for ourselves and then share what with peers what we learned. In classes, I see how much more effective and convincing a truth is if shared by a fellow opposed to the same thing taught by a teacher or book.

Still, as a child I used to wonder a whole lot about why people ask us to regularly tell "the choir" things they already know.

This morning I read this (among other things):

it has been demonstrated that groups of participants who walk, sing, or move their arms in synchrony with each other show increased liking, trust, cooperation, and self-sacrifice than groups performing the similar behaviors but not in synchrony

Now, I need to copy and paste a thing I read years ago from the hymnal (book of religious songs which are sung together):

Inspirational music is an essential part of our church meetings. The hymns invite the Spirit of the Lord, create a feeling of reverence, unify us as members, and provide a way for us to offer praises to the Lord.
Some of the greatest sermons are preached by the singing of hymns.

Ok, those might be the actual words, but my "take away"  was that when people sing the exact thing together with others it creates unity and solidarity...God knows this and that is why we sing together weekly.

This helped to answer my question of why share what we believe with our peers.  It is a glimpse of what truths we can see reflected in our community and it also helps to unify us, much as singing in synchronicity does.

God's timing

Even the angels and prophets see a thing as happening much quicker than it actually does.

That's just how things work out. It is something to be glad for alot of the time.

My choice is... No choice

Stupor has finally left me.

Previously, I had supposed not knowing what to do meant the thing was not worth thinking about and whatever I had supposed was surely a waste of thought and it should be abandoned.

But, I keep coming back to a certain choice I had been pretty certain was wrong and felt relief at realizing it had merely been a stumbling block intended to waste my time. But, here I am again. Like Jonah or maybe more like Abraham who was told that his elderly barren wife would have a child.

The solutions I prayed about did not feel acceptable to me so, I decided to pull a Brigham Young, as portrayed in the movie "Mountain of the Lord". When faced with the hard task of facing the saints with heart breaking information refused to budge until he knew what to do. Or, like Nephi and his brothers when asked to get the Brass plates from Laban. Laban refused to give them the plates. I feel like I have reached a point where I acknowledge that none of my good choice worked. Obviously, there must be one that does work and God knows what it is. My choice is to stop trying to solve things on my own but instead decide not to do anything. If God wants things done he will surely make a way. I often thought about poor teenaged Mary who had a very difficult choice and no one seemed to be on her side. But, God was totally able to fix everything for her, like give Joseph a vision of his own so that even if he disbelieved her initially he knew on his own the will of God.

That is a trouble of giving people a choice. My husband does not need to choose correctly, no matter how much I pray and hope for him. "Oh no she didn't." I just thought that maybe I hadn't forgiven 70 times 7 times yet. And the spirit says, "don't try to turn scriptures on me. Remember when I told Nephi to slay Laban but to not kill is a commandment."

Ok. There are times and ways I cannot begin to understand. I merely want to obey the ones I do understand.

Another thing that weighs on my mind is how often I sin by omission. Sometimes hearing myself lie and it was never intended but it is done simply to avoid confrontation which would harm the thoughts of the children or the "spirit" of the home. And the children are considered at all times and costs
For example, one time I was trying to put Mary back in her bed in the dark to avoid turning it on, although I needed to see for my balance. Subsequently, I fell and manuveured in such a way to protect her. She did not even wake up; however, I did severe damage to my back which caused months of pain... Looking back, ahhh heck I would do the same thing!