It has something to do with need

 I recall around 2003 hearing many complaints regarding credit scams and in particular pay day loans, on review that managed to seem legitimate was about how payday loan companies seek out a thrive on peoples who are low income sorts living paycheck to paycheck. Though it seems wrong to target the needy, I see it all the time, most scams are not even trying to appeal to the rich but they instead target the hard working type who are honest and forthright, but merely having an unlucky time financially. The scammers will get your information when you need help the most thy will suck what few pennies they can here and there, or none at all. I used to be weary of internet security companies, and other would be able to vouch for them, well, duh, that is a true scam, base your scam on trust, on the show LOST the episode called "The Long Con" comes to mind. The point that I wanted to make was that it seems like t he more desperate you need help the more likely you are to be scammed, and the only explanation for it liked (I like the explanation not the scam) was that no one is going to steal your money when you do not have any. they will steal your information and keep it on hold to use when they have the opportunity.

It is the same thing that C.S.Lewis said about pain, and I have heard many spiritually based explanations for the concept of Pain or Need being a gift if we recognize our motivation and what we are moving toward.  My kids will be home soon, better go... didn't accomplish much today. :( but at least I had a nice chat with my son, though, technically he ought to have been focused on school, huh? dear me. It seems I only win for loosing.

Hit me like a ton of bricks

 Likely it is obvious to nearly everyone else who has thought of such things, but I just realized that the Tudor dynasty is the Plantagenet dynasty, well, duh, you say, but soooooo much becomes clear with that realization, i mean, use your big brain and think about it,What is a Plantagenet Hardly a name for a person. and flowers are so significant...  "A wizard never arrives late, but exactly when he means to".

Of course it's wrong, you're right

 As I was watching The Chosen last night I felt so bad for Nathaniel, and it reminded me how so many people get disillusioned at a realization that doesn't fit with what they believe. I felt particularly bad for Nathaniel because he was so sincere, and I only realized it today when I was watching the movie "The King" when the young prince Hal said that people who ought to have been his brothers were his enemies, and his brother misunderstood what he was doing to save his life and so he persisted in loosing it, pursuing his own agenda. ok, back to Nathaniel. It was because of his honest desire and ability to comprehend that he was allowed to fail. I will have rewatch to see exactly the words said by Phillip regarding the entirely different way that Jesus intended things. Today, I Instantly, like a flash, understood that divine kings, Jewish temples, are all way that our Father hopes to gather us back to him because he loves us. I was reading another book weeks ago called "The Biblical Clock" where is was presented that everything we perceive is a lie and an unknowable one, sort of how double blind surveys are used to find an unbiased truth. The point was that dishonesty (what is was called) was a vehicle for loving us. and I got it, sure things are sometimes figured out as untrue, but as a guy in a video years ago said about a thing people were proving to be entirely false, but years and years or tradition rested on it's supposed veracity, he said, " a Thing doesn't need to be factual to be true." That's it! The when things start to falter a new lie takes it's place, but the underlying truth still remains. Likewise, There have been things here and there that I simply could not reconcile, so what? There are other things I cannot deny. I had wondered before at the fact that my lens by the way I comprehend truth is not truth and when I saw how Nathaniel was preserved then I felt better and I had actually been purposefully given the understand of things as they are for a reason, and it was always known that I would do the best that I could and I will.

Not sure if I ever stated it clearly, so here goes: Sometimes, the best thing to help unite people is a king, sometimes it is a prophet, sometimes an oracle, but something never changes.

forcing myself to be productive

 well, it is an appropriate time to type out my thoughts, being as I could not connect to the internet which I fully intended to be doing right now, because I am missing my class while I wait for Joseph. That is fine, only I will not be able to be making dinner eithe. that will likely be a good thing for most of my family because it means frozen pizza.

 

I am thinking about caterpillars alot right now, because it is a perfcct metaphor for the change our whole society is going through right now, most notablyon an economical level, but socia, too, I had been watching many Kabbalarian videos where the discussion was pointed towards noticing the hardships in our existance, but giving them a purpose or a name. 

Today in Sacrament meeting our bishop also mentioned calling this transition or hardship Development. It reminded me of that same truth where blessings or whatever you want to call them, come after a trial or period of suffering. In videos I saw hardship is not necessary unless a person is very egocentric. It comes to mind what C.S.Lewis said regarding pain, how it is necessary in that it causes an action.

My thoughts are currently trying to package the idea that there is not any space. I already figured out tha ther could not be any time, in "reality" butit has been suggested that there is no space either. All things arein one and the only way to explain them is by distiguishing them or making them, which is like that little teaching example that is gven to present the concepts of quantum physics, where anobject is everywhere untilit is marked as having been somewhere...but, when marking a thing, it does not mean it is not simultaneously elsewhere as well.... so assert there is no time, then of course everything fills the same space. I am trying to understand tht there is actually no space either, that would solve the paradox,I hate that basically says that you could never touch anything because you would naturally need to reach a half way mark...infiniti.

Now, I am thinking about Fractals and what my kids call "Infinite loops" where children on a grassy hill are looking at a book of children on a grassy  hill looking at a book. My son pointed one out in his scriptures...Anywhere it says the first shall be last..., that would make them first thenlast, then first, then last, forever. It would be better to just be in  the middle, huh? But saying that makes me think of the epistles of Paul where he likens certain people to being lukewarm and good for nothing.  So, doesn't that create another fractal? we want to be best or worse only to become the first which is the last..... or remember the teaching about sitting lower that you would be raised up.... maybe take that back to the first thought about "development" pains. it seems like there is an order and the closer we get to it the less we need transitions. It's like how people want to be humble, but they do not want to be humbled. But, "the meek and humble inherit the earth", no? Butterflies.

Am I supposed to remember?

 I wake up deep in thoughts that are generally musical, I understand things that make no sense, and still I try and try because I feel this feeling that I get from time to time, and I want to remember but I only can recall a word here or there and I research all day hoping that it will lead me to a break through. What am i supposed to remember and why does it matter and who am I supposed to tell... oh! Even now i am thinking in some old lyrics (the fact that they are old supports my idea that not as much time has passed as I thought, if time is really change- I had an old notebook from college where I understood that each melodic interval was related to a heavenly body and they were meant to be harmonic meaning I could decrease the separation by playing the intervals at once...but that was a side-track I wrote DELTA (triangle) = time and a few pages earlier it said without change we sleep)

WHAT?

Now, I am thinking about the film "Somewhere in Time" and the watch. My mom asked me that question, and I never could answer it either: Where did the watch come from? Richard went back in time and gave it to Elise who gave it to him before dying and whispered, "Come back to me". ok, so, great story, but where did the stinking watch come from?

Another thought I had about Vienna and Joseph II was, I wonder if being artistically enlightened played a role in social evolution... or hold that thought to consider how change is related evolution... I was thinking about Voltaire then, if Beethoven was influenced by Shakespeare. OFCOURSE, You can feel the same, um, genius? emanating from them.

haha ha ha I was curious if William Shakespeare was a short as Beethoven, and the first hit snapped me bac to our "Modern" issues of finding answers everywhere but none of them trustworthy, as it stated that Shakespeare was 6'4". I wanted multiple opinions, and the second said they had tried to find a receipt from a tailor or maybe his casket dimensions, but, ultimately decided the lack od evidence tells all we need to know. He was neither notably short or tall, surely it would have been commented.