I am dping some serious soul searching right now. It is a period of asking more questions than I immediately have answers for. Hence, for the sake of seriousness, I am sharing very little because it is of a private nature and not fit to be used as informational fodder towards any agenda.
I have previously congratulated myself for not getting tripped up on a thing that befalls many only to see that the tripping up was an intended thing. That thing is love
I am not in love 💘. But, although not falling afforded me many advantages those advantages are mostly short term. It was impressed upon me, (for what it means to me, I don't yet know), that we were created for a purpose and that purpose includes achiwving eternal life. I very quickly set aside the living for happiness in lieu of achieving a goal unthwarted. But, I genuinely suspect that what seems to be a failure was accounted for and sort of by design. So, maybe I shot myself in the foot the day before a big race.
It is true many pleasures distract and are not going to bring any lasting happiness. I refer to being slothful and lazy or gluttonous. They seem happy, but actually distract from true potential. Like a youth conference I attended in Mississippi where in a period representing our lives...leaders tried to convince us that we should use the free time to enjoy ourselves and not take boring classes. I instantly saw the wisdom and truth being taught but I interpretted it incorrectly to mean one ought not enjoy themselves if they wanted to truly succeed. And I did succeed. It was sort of my accident or coincidence that I just randomly happened to choose the right first steps thus being the first and practically only one to figure out what was going on. And so I sized up the limited potentially available spouses and chose none of them. I deemed it a better choice and then went back and sort of fast tracked another random dude so I could proceed and be married because it was essential. I did not care one whit that my spouse was in love with another girl (his girlfriend), I was not going to be tricked into failing to meet a requirement because of love.
So, in this little scenario I succeeded and was actually alone for a long time in what was supposed to represent the Celestial Kingdom. Then, finally "my husband" showed up and we were given a mock family, mostly of others who were not actually married but met all of the other requirements. Um, if I had an original point I lost it. Now, I am just telling a story. After some time we had a meeting to share what we learned. I was asked to go first as I was first and alone for a long time in the "Celestial Kingdom". Wouldn't you know it, as we met all together in a larger room my "husband" left to go sit by his real girlfriend and so my family all left to go be with friends and loved ones.
What I get now from all of this is that it is no advantage to accomplish without someone to share it with.
A philosophy professor once asked our class if they had dear or loved ones and if they would be associated in the afterlife...further because many believed they would be alone praising God,he asked if they thought they would ever even recall their loved ones and if so how could they be eternally happy?
Last thought comes from the movie Shadowlands where the hero realizes that the Joy then comes from the sadness now. So, I used to think that if I were miserable now I would be so much happier after I endure it. But, perhaps love 💘 is much more than that, and I can make much more sense out of things if I were loved.
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