March Madness

I finally got to see August Rush, and realied how muchof a freak that I am, I had a dream about the heavens and harmonics and each celestial symbol represented a cadence. I thought it was so weird when I woke up, but it made sense in my sleep and I'm accustomed to not knowing what the heck I'm talking about. i used to do it all of the time at an engineering seminar. I just learned few vocabulary words and used themalot, not knowing what or if I even meant something, especially about Atomic absorbtion, now I knew enough about paper chromatography to toss around concepts, like I did when I wrote a research paper about Beethoven's Immortal Beloved the movie, which I had never seen, but I dwelled largely on the movie madeus and tlked alot about the other historical fictions that I was familiar with. I got the only A in the class, mostly because of my reputation for being a good sudent, what I couldn't say oe know was supplied by the reader in my behalf.

I have had so many similar situations with the internet. like now I'm listening to the song "Soulmate" by Natsha Beddinfield and it remonds me of many lyrics I wrote thinking that If they could be heard by the right person, Something magical would happen! because I thought that it would put me in the spotlight. Plus, I believed fully that by being in the right place at the right time, like August Rush believed, that I would be read and understood. well, Everyone I tried to marry I met that way online, then, one lady told me her story, she said tht it was vry importnt that I understnd her,at last I do. She warned me that I would fall in love with traits that I love, but they were not the whole, that ws the mral to her life. I find the moral to my life story in that of Eve. he could've lived forever in a perfect placebeing always happy, but instead gave it up so that she would know how good things seem when you want them.

my life has been nearly perfect, but I was oblivious to it, for that reason I am glad to have been made so low through divorce, illness, etc. now if I ever got a similitude of my oldlife back,I would apprecite it all the more, whereas I never pprecited mny things, but the ones tht I couldn't have. I'm still working on learning to want what I have it is sort of like my last big step.

I think that I will mold my heart to what my mind says, cause my heart wants to be with Brandall but it is obvious to my mind that he doesn't want me and I and all my family would be happier if I just moved on.

But, I was listening to the Blue October song "Sorry hearts" and it made me think that it was observed for other reasons, yet my conclusion is tht we all wnt to be perfect but fall short nd so feel sorry. I just hve to sort out why I ought to ignore my heart's constant warning to love Brandall, though it makes no sense.

7:57 PM 3/11/2008