Who, where, what... does it actually matter

I hateto be a cynic, but I am sometimes. Just today I was thinking about the big questions that are usually answered by religion, philosophy or science. Just as I was thinking about how much new DNA disvoveries shook me, I thought well, duh, if I believed the book of Mormon in the first place then I believed that the Lamanites and Nephites were brothers. They must have had their DNA altered at some point in order to believe that the Lamanites had been "marked", so what sort of peace of mind would I ever find in scoence anyway. I knew God lived and where I came from and why I was here even. It is almost too wonderful sometimes, and I feel so bad.

Fastforward to another thought.

I am very sad to know that I am not sealed to my children and although I have been sealed I might not be with any of my children after death, but I simply cannot think about that. It is pointless, they will be sealed to spouses and have children, and will not have extra thoughts for me anyhow. My time ishere and now to be everything for them.

I was saddened to think of my little sister's heartbreak, but really, I wondered what she believes anyway. And I thought, well, if that is the sort of guy he is, it is better to find out now anyhow. I have been unhappily married to a guy who speaks intimately evety chance he can to other girls and has never once told me that he appreciates anything about me, and when I was pregnant, I found tons of pornpgraphic crap on his pc, and since then he has admitted that it is an ever present issue, man, I sure wish I had known that and maybe been heart broken for a while instead of committed to a failed relationship because I love the children and want to be with them. Seriously, I would much rathar have a vandaid ripped off than causing a dull ache over a long period of time.... but really, so what? I mean what keeps me here? If I have no claim on the children after death anyway then what? I could live happily on my own and raise them, there would be no need to follow a dogma that did not explain things in a way I wanted.

Fact is, it all is true, and Things will al work out Nothing is impossible.

7th chapter.