Peter Pan

HE lives in Utah and is my favorite person. his real name is Nicholas Jay Holden. I am still learning about him, but I like what I know. I just cannot undestand how he could remain single in Utah, land of Mormons. Maybe it is because he doesn't let others know him.

I have to pull teeth, not literally, to get information from him, but I figure that is just a lesson on men, They keep evetrhing inside their heads only to be shared with those who prove worthy, a sort of defensive silence.

But they don't mind my openess.

oh well, back to him. I obsess over him. I think about him night and day. If I ever get to be close enough to him I would never let him go. not literally again, that wouldn't be good of me. But I just would make my heart clear to him in no uncertain terms.

he is slightly older than me and sligtly taller than me oh, and heavier, but other than that we are so alike, it's crasy. I could almost have a conversation with myself I say "jinx" so much. Even today when we talked about growling at children, I thought that is too weird and unique to be common, but he gowls and laughs with children, too. strange. He has helped me conquer the idea of Brandall because I never felt this way bout Brandall. and I obviousyt would be happier with Peter Pan.
as would my children. They need to see how a wife ought to be loved and respected, not used and abused (emotionally) like Brandall did. And I want them to understand, eithout having to experience, howwonderful it is for Mommy to really be in love. That would be newto them, and not easy to acheieve. I'm picky.

Brandall convinced me that I was fat and Ugly, but Peter Pan has helped me get over it (no easy task). Now, I feel better about myself and ready to take on the world. I even explained to him that noone else matters to me now. I knew I was capable of such. I just needed direction.