Today is Christmas I should have an equally wonderful thought to paralell this day. I did remember a day very plainly Last year I think. I know it was new years eve at least, when I was completely overcome by a feeling it was almost like the old days when I wasn't afraid to open myself to the outpour of inspiration. the thought entered my mind with determine force that all I could do was try to understand it enough to recall that I was not alone and if things looked bad to cheerup because sometimes other people want contrary thing like littlr children who ask for no rain so they can play and a farmer asks for rain becaue his crops need it. Well, an accompanied voice said, barely laudible, "You;re not alone" I knew that even though I was crying huge drops of tears, they would end, and I would end upan answer to someone's prayer, but mine was getting in the way. I knew then that I was to get divorced and that though I loved Brandall so deeply, He did not love me as much, only he found me attractive and wealthy, good for him! but now, I'm ugly and disabled and poor, too. so now I know that if anyone loves me they are going to appreciate the constant part. I expect that I will be attractive again, but my intellecthas ben sorely neglected. I had been so busy that I nearly forgot about it.
My spirit neeeds to be nourished and loved, too. It forms the visual, physical me anyway. Nicholas helped me understand that by bannish words that will harm or maime mefrom my dictionary. I will survive and recover. I believe that it was inspirtion that made me who I am and I'll trust it in the future to make me content. Plus, it is a bit like the lyrics of my song "angel" "did you see an angel did he tell you what you must do" to me, I get so upset that the lamanites and lemuelites were given revelation but still doubted. I don't want to be accused of that. I will heed promptings so that I can deerve more, and find delight in nuturing that talent as I used to in my earlier days, not that I consider myself old, but I am someones mother.
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