Part 2

I do not actually recall what I was previously saying I merely know what I failed to say and it nags at me.

Things went terribly in my life by nearly any human standards, yet I managed to be fine with it all and see the silver lining.

I was divorced and so much more was left in shambles. If likened to something, it would be a person choosing to spend their life building a huge domino display then before placing the final pieces someone knocked one down which set off a chain reaction.

I will say it all in this sentence: it was a very low point in my life. This is when I decided to start a gratitude journal. I saw how much I still had. Often, the game I played sounded alot like parents telling their children that children were starving in Africa to get them to value their unwanted food. It helps, but never really works. I knew that I was very lucky to be living rent free at my parents house. Others were homeless due to this recession.

So, I walked alot. It was more pensive type walk. I was trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted.

Next, I want to tell story about a time that I was in the hospital.  I don't remember why I was there or where I was. I only remember that I was eating cranberry Jell-O. Brandall, was my husband at the time and was visiting me, which was rare I barely knew who he was anyhow. He started freaking out telling me to stop eating that although I loved cranberry and could not actually eat much else.

He informed me that I hated Jello. I was sealed forever to rhis man and he had an invested interest in my future, I thought. So, I obeyed. This is funny because it is the exact epitomy as to why my misfortune could be a blessing. Sure, I had lost everything I had worked hard to build up, but now, I got to rebuild it all, including my marriage.

So, I did a whole lot of walking and self-talking. I tried to study journals, but if I had discovered something I was not smart enough to dicifer it everything was in code and I lacked know how and motivation. I'd just rediscover again through living.