Won't or Can't

On very significant matters, My debate always comes down to this. On one hand is a possibility that can but won't the other choice is one that won't but can, And I simply cannot decide which would be easiest to live with. I tend to think won't is worse because the will is involved, but when I put mysel in the picture, I know that can't is worse because the potential is not even there. My current choice is "out of the box" I go with none of the above.

Should I explain? I made a list then trew it away, but now I'm starting to see that I ought to trust myself because I was more inspired than I thought. In my list I disgarded things like RM because it didn't qualify Brandall. Then on my list was such things as height and divorce, and being a southerner. All of which totally disqualify Brandall I decided for various reasons that those things didn't matter.

I have learned since that I can rationalize anything to make it seem reasonable or not, but ultimately it isn't about reason. A good friend of mine said "Our heat has reasons of which our minds know nothing of." And then Matt told me about a trial his sister was going through and she ultimately yielded to her heart. But, to me, the point of a list is so that I will make a wise choice before it becomes up to my heart to explain.

So, I'm trying to decide what I need forever and what can be stricken from my list. I tend to think following my heart led me to Brandall which was a huge mistake! Oh grrrrr! I was happy and getting everything I needed, soI thought, but Nick hasn't shown any desire to try to get anything for us. He doesn't seem to value me at all nor want to secure me as his forever, but I do not have a doubt that is most important to me, being needed, and wanted. I would like to get that from My husband, but forever is too long to deal with someone who doesn't desire you. Ok, when I say desire, I do not mean the same word as love, ok, Joseph is screaming, I need to cut this short for now...

oh, well he stopped. but, I call sense that Nick expects me to come takecare of things.