I turn to a blog for refuge, nay, I am not cowering to a notion, I am merely alone and need so badly to get these waring words out of my head, This will be the new place where they may battle, and I hardly know which side to back, or which thought will win, so I will present them both here and try to see them as independent. Maybe, if it is "Someone else's Story", my ability to discern between them will be more trustworthy.
The first idea begins with the acknowledgement of the fact that almost too many families have, for various reasons in addition to divorce, child custody cases, suffered loss. But, two natures usually fix everything. 1) even if a woman, for various reasons, feels unable to care for a child, after her body works so hard to create and carry a child a very strong bond is formed. and 2) whomever is designated to nurture the child develops such a bond that the child's best interest somehow superceeds their own concerning the rearing of the child. So, regardless of who gets the joy of raising the child, it will be done with love.
It was that thought which seperated me from my older children. I knew that they would be cared for and properly. This thought just in, don't know if it was supposed to comfort or what, but if I ever had a reason to believe they would not be taught right, I would not have left them and would still be fighting for them, and I know that God would not allow his children to be harmed unless it was for their good.
Recently, I was made aware of a great many people who suffered a similar fate. It is not that I was completely unaware, I knew that divorce was wrong, but so was marriage in so many cases. I knew there were a lot of child custody cases, but figured their misfortunes were simply different and without natural affection, and so it was better that another care for the children, so it would be proper for a child of God.
My opposing thought comes from a popular TV Show Downton Abbey. It is that nothing can possibly compensate for a mother's love, couple this idea with the fact that I believe that the children given to me and it is one of those stewardships that though I feel unworthy at times, I will be exactly what they need.
Now, between the two which one is correct to apply to my situation, for neither seems wrong, yet they contradict.
This is when my heart steps in with a solution, but again, it would only serve it's own purpose. It says take the children and flee. But, I will do no more than consider it. The children ought to be with me true. They ought to be with their father as well. There is no law but earthly ones that bind me to anything or anyone here, it is just because I will it. So, what if I didn't? And that is how this battle ends, a cat's game. Looks like I will be praying a lot on this one.
2 comments:
The solution newly uncovered itself through a thing I saw. The solution requires an increase in faith, a very tricky recipe!
It becomes a moment of truth so to speak, to try my ideas.
If the solution is really taking the kids, then the best solution is to be able to provide the best possible home for them. Originally, I thought that meant divorce, because it was important that they see how love works, and obviously, there is no love between my husband and I. I thought, well, several times he actually said in more than just actions that he could do a much better job without me around. So, to that I agreed, if it meant that he remarried, and he said also, that he fully had already considered such. So, the kids would be fully cared for, if I just believed so and prayed for such.
This really, at this point, in only a thought, nothing more.
Post a Comment