have decided to stop accentuating parts of myself to be the kind of person that I want to be. I think Regina Specktor had the right idea in the song "On the radio" she said we look inside and take what we love then love what we took, so I am tired of trying to prove that I am ideal for others, enough is enough, some people do think I am perfect for them, why must I win EVERY heart? If I be so desirable, than that it is just going to delight in the plainess and fault filled me that I am. Come what may. If another wants to win my attention is not hard to find me or win my attention. I think of a Morrisey song about bitting the right one and saying "What took you so long?" I would even like it if the desire for my affection created a little compettition. Survival of the fittest. I used to think it was immature to fight over a love, but now I see the value of strength of person not just charachter, after survivng death and beating up my husband, I don't want to be able to overpower another so they must be strong.
My kids are screaming, later.
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