Tuesday, July 1, 2008

He must be retarded

I wrote a nice letter to Brandall and he wrote back Aqusing me of tons of things like being insane and a bad mother,witha whole lot of swear words. which I am not sure he even got the meaning right. He doesn't get much right though, so I must give him a break.

I feel soory for him though because he is so petty, and especially with real, true, eternal things. one day he will be sorry, I will be sorry for him even if God treats him fairly. I think he might be retarded, and can't understand alot of things, even when hey are explained. it must be frustrating to have everything in your ife blow up and be a failure. I really hoped to change tha, but instead I just became a scapegoat. I was sick and was wrong to take offense or try t o prove him false, though nothing he says makes a whit of sense, my mom set the proper example, just indulge him, agree, sure everything is my fault. He couldn't keep a steady job because I am insane.his first marriage failed cause I am insane, His lawyer doesn't return his calls because I am insane, Everything in his life has fallen apart and he was evicted because I am just sorry and insane. I only hope to rescue tose children from him downward spiral.

I certainly hope he isn't judged the way he judges other though. He simply cannot help it. Further I hope he islucky and he neverhas a sickness like I did. I am not sure he would survive, infact much tells me that he wouldn't.

Now youmay think that I am being faceietious in writting tis, but I am not. I only have to vent my frustration to a non person, if I am going to maintain to him that Iam insane. If I talk to too many people they will know that I am sane and fine, and he will loose all of his effort in trying to prove me mentally insane. I even went to Several psychiatrists/psyhologists who gave me tests upon test all proved I was fine and improving. so they sent me to a pysical doctor, something that I have needed for a long time, but was neglected for Brandal's job hopping, I had no insurance. the Doctor said that I had made significant improvement, though I might not think so. He said that it was unlikely that I would iprove, and to cut my losses, but mom did not agree, and I am still making improvements. I will not be physically handicapped, I will run and sing again, it is just going to take alot of effort and determination.

I got an idea for a movie yesterday, I think I will write it as a book first. It is about a famous person who based all of their fame on a non-permanent part like a tongue. and then they try to find every method they can to communicate, and everyone tries to guess what he means, and they are all wrong. Everyone assumes he is suffering depression because of his loss. But then he figures out a plan, to speak through words and music, in having another sing for him. It has a somewhat happy ending, it isn't a love story or is it? hmmm

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