Spirituality thought

 It just hit me how odd it is that we are upset with false information like we deserve the truth or something, and yet, what we call the truth, is the very thing spirituality and science declare is false anyhow, so what exactly is it that so many feel entitled to? Lately, I have been listening to Kabbalistic perspectives on what is and among many teachings that fit so perfectly with Mormonism that I had to look up Joseph Smith's relationship with Kabbalah, but entwined in those teachings is one main one that closely resembles the Matrix. If we are unable to perceive things as they are, further we seek (thus change to move towards a goal) fulfillment and that fulfillment allows greater perspective (more simply said - we are motivated by selfish desires) and all of the pain we experience is just part of trying to reconcile things that evidentially do not fit our picture of how it is. It seems to me that it is like we are being blatantly lied to so that we even gain the perspective that is required. I short, It is similar to how the serpent thought he was thwarting everything by beguiling, it actually became the means (or motivation) to push things into place. I bet Adam and Eve felt so betrayed and upset and upset to be forced out of the happy little home they had in Eden. But, I suppose that is how all children feel when forced into a world to learn for themselves and end up understanding so much more appreciating what was done to them. yesterday, I heard a man use a sort of um, allegory of taking a child's cell phone away. To the child, it would seem wrong or unfair, but ultimately it was done for the peace and happiness of the family unit, which the child would eventually realize...My big question is, What are we going to gain from all of this obvious suppression on truth? I, for one, am going to use such cases to reinforce my method of determining the truth and put it into practice on every front.

I do not know the algorhythm, perse

 I am not sure HOW it is done, only wanted to raise my hand as I hear the tone. It has been done and it is not magic, it is merely mounting evidence of a thing I do not understand yet.

I was posing online that I am particularly fond of Phrygian and Aolean modes and then the next song played on my device is Verve's Bittersweet Symphony, which mentions modes and is written in the keys of E and A. I would think it coincidence,except for the frequency of such occurrences and comments of several others who have mentioned how they too have noticed that if you speak of Golfclubs in an email all of your web-searches are related to golf.

I have been a particularly transparent person and such will be expected in the future, but wonder what would happen if I falsify my inner thoughts?

More:

I was thinking about a fact that was shared yesterday that to make the conclusion simple (though it was well thought out,presented and complex) we only process 0.00000005 percent of the information that our brain receives. This was a wonderful thought. It was produced in this situation to become supporting evidence that we do not comprehend very much of our actual existence, and by comprehend I refer to only the part that we perceive with our 5 senses. Anyhow, this was used to support the idea that we perhaps live in a different realm, one of spirit..... ok, that was all back story, now that we are on the same page, let me extrapolate:

Lately, people are becoming outraged at their supposed "freedoms" being manipulated. In particular I am referring to internet security. because they are aware of being known to others it is not they who wish to change actions, but find way to remain secret. Well, I was thinking that actually we have been spied on constantly, mostly unaware, by a spiritual world that we cannot even be aware of in the sense that we mark awareness.

I had been taught about things such as angels who mark my every thought and deed and have guarded myself accordingly, but what can we do to mask feelings even if we can control thoughts and actions?I sorta feel ridiculous praying certain things because I know that I am only vocalizing them for my own benefit anyway...

notes

 -get familiar with Ezekiel by reading the book of that title at least 20 times, then look for as much biographical data I can, then reread the book pausing to make certain notes.

-do whatsoever I can in body as well as mind to prepare myself and temple: Sephirot, and crown.

Not sure what it means

 Though I am not sure what it means, I am sure it means something.... sorta like those mashed potatoes on "Close Encounters ..." I often WANT to do multiple things at once, but there are certain things that I CANNOT do at the same time. I decided that a person cannot multi-task, due to focus.

But as I was considering how many things have a duality about them, much as I was just listening to a teacher tell about how a particular writing had multiple meanings at once. I was talking about this very concept this morning as I read to my children though their eyes were closed. I told them that was good it gave fewer things for the mind to process. Secretly, I wondered if spiritual things actually prefer to not be processed and that led me to consider if they even could be...next I think of how many people confuse things not processed by a firm understanding, like emotions with spirituality. It is true that neither are seen, but can be sensed, but it does not mean they cannot exist without the other. If I am not careful I will let that idea run away with me, because I have so much to say about it....but for now, I want to address why I cannot listen to music and read at the same time. They sort of involve different senses, and ought to use different places in my brain to be compiled/understood, yet, I notice I cannot do them simultaneously as I once could... this could be due to age, but I have another hypothesis.

I often think of the young king David and how strong his faith was. I decided it is mostly due to his naivety. When less space is filled with thought the more a soul must rely on faith.

Also, when I was in the hospital recovering, they performed tests to see the level of recovery in my detectable sensations because they could not seem to understand why I could not do certain things. One test involved me closing my eyes while I was poked with a sharp pin and ask if I felt it. from my responses they mapped out my hand so I could see it. I still sustained nerve damage, but enough nerves were responding well to the point that practically any gross motor skill could be performed, but others?well, the projected that no amount of learning would lead to recovery or progress. Now. with that test as a given, I am wondering if there are other senses that just won't learn either, or are not functioning properly and I am not aware... my eyes are sort of permanently closed to them. It is frustrating!!

phenotypes

 I have been obsessed as of late with genetics, and I was telling my son the miraculous story of my rare blood type that required my husband have his blood typed, too. This lead to my doctor asking if we believed in heaven, because his best explanation of how extremely rare our situation was was " This was a match made in heaven." Mostly, it was intended as merely a cute little anecdote, but my son wanted to know the rarity of his blood type, too. and I explained that it would merely be an A- not AO- though that was what it technically was. He could not grasp that without an explanation of genotypes and phenotypes (an entirely unexpected discussion this morning - but it got me thinking).

So, What is a phenotype? I often hear it as referred to as the expressed trait. In blood typing usually we refer to our pheno type,  not what genes we actually have. because I only can give an O he must have an O,but his blood type is an A; hence, we know that he has a genotype of AO but because the O is actually non existent.  He also inherited an A his blood may be less full of A's but the only thing that shows up is the allele of A . Anyhow, that boy loves to turn any conversation into one about blood types, so I mention it, but my thoughts went somewhere else.

My son's name is Joseph. I love that name because I always loved, and felt slightly guilty about it actually, Joseph better than any other child of Jacob, and I was watching for like the millionth time a video about a group of Samaritans who claim lineage through Jacob, and I noticed a phenotype I hadn't thought much of... I have not completed a pamphlet about Prophecies  regarding the United Kingdom and Canada in the bible. The fascinating jist of it is that the Celts in the Scottish highlands and Ireland who colonized Canada and such are of the Northern tribes of Israel. I was most curious because of linguistic evidence combined with The mapped path of my Genetic ancestors, but the last kicker was that phenotype: Red hair.

I saw a video years ago about an archeological dig in Egypt where the discovered a statue of "Joseph" and they speculated that there was evidence of red paint in his hair, which was very odd and note worthy among Egyptians.. That was that. It was a bit of information I had not thought of and was surprised that I even knew that or paid any attention to it even. I thought about how DNA claims that I am pretty much entirely Scottish and North Irish, but I do not have red hair and no one in my family does either, but many of my documented/known ancestors is their hair color so, I must have that Genotype but not the expressed trait, so my DNA sort of does support that theory, except that in a video clip that theory showed that a group traveled across turkey, and for a while stayed in the Mediterranean (Iberian peninsula) . Until, I allowed another company to speculate less and simply give me the facts of my DNA and let me compare to find ethnicity and I got many "outlying" matches in Spain and Portugal, that do not show up in any family tree or heritage, but in Genetic matches with archaic remains I was able to chart the dates of the remains and locations to see the same path as was explained as one that traced the Celtic tribes from the middle east to the Isles of the U.K.

Even with all of my research, which seems to be my singular obsession as of late, the most obvious clue is the phenotype of red hair.. I mean, where did it come from if not Joseph? It seems pretty uncommon and not found in many other cultures. Anyhow, that was on my mind tonight, but I really ought to go do something else.

what works?

7th day

Hear me out, if you do not read to conclusion the wrong conclusion may be formed. I am not anti-religion, as I am not anti-school. but, if the pandemic's effects have taught me anything it is that spirituality is not defined by an organization.

The main reason I conclude this is because I see a strong relationship with the struggle of Joseph Smith to find the truth when everyone interprets it differently, to the new testament where Jesus was seen as heretical and was forced to redefine worship from the way it was being practiced, Even Moses or Abraham even organized people to escape a false teaching, and because people are social, it was used as a reinforcement to teachings to gather like-minds. This is a preparation for a Zion.

being at home with my family, I realized that I was being forced to be...eh, forced is much to strong of a word, maybe encouraged to be organized in a familial group to foster love, devotion, etc. being at home has forced us to pray more for truth, because frankly, I do not trust the internet.  

I did find myself looking to the internet sort of as social reinforcement, like I was accustomed to. for Scriptures and ideas in general one of the most significant being which day is the sabbath and where is it taught that we only meet once a week? well, curiosity got a hold of me and I wondered what "church" was like for Jesus. So, I looked up what happens and when in synagogues, thinking I would then understand how Catholics came to their ritualistic meeting. I was most riveted by the observance of Shabbat, and with it the readings. It is Saturday morning, and I feel like I would be doing something wrong if I worked too much (D & C 59:9-13) but, it is not Sunday, and we will be going to church anyhow, stupid brain. or is it a wise intuition? 

It is important that I am thinking about these things, I have bore witness before that I believe the church is true, but I ought to have clarified that the teachings of this religion is true, and it will never be removed from the earth again! although, like the Children of Israel, we are not prepared for many things. much as my little boy has been given the priesthood ( which is the power God used to create ) only his is merely a preparatory or Aaronic until he learns what he must to prove worthy of a greater thing, line upon line... milk before meat.

I have another important thing to mention.

The organization of families is something we are not really proving ourselves worthy of living up to yet. The conceptis perfect, sort of like Communism, but people mess it up. If a man loves a woman, then he cares for her and she cares for him, they learn to be selfless placing others before themselves. Then, it leads to children who are raised and loved and taught by example, etc. but, like Communism, people do not love one another,but because of institutions, they have children and itgoes on and onlike that in marraige, except those who get a divorce instead of realizing the love was a blessing, not a requirement and if people live forever they likewise have forever to accomplish things, one of which will be learning to love others. It just seems like people would have learned that. It is not a difficult concept, but man is naturally selfish...

Kings and Queens

 I have always loved the book of Isaiah, but realized that I did not KNOW it as well as I should. When Moroni visited Joseph Smith he quoted several scriptures and further said that it was very important to read and understand Isaiah. In particular he referred to Chapter 11 and said that it was shortly to come to pass  so, I was studying it and as prep for Easter, I was rehearsing other chapter s and I noticed in particular this time how it is commented that the remnant of Israel would be returning on the shoulders of kings and queens. In had never put the two ideas together, though I tend to think seriously about being anointed as kings and queens. It always calls to mind the scene from the recent Bible movie where David is annointed to be King. And he is not a king yet, but surely everyone knows it including Saul. So, no one is aware of anyone being annointed as king or queens, but it is sorta inevitable, so that much is literal. Is carrying people on their backs literal?

Another thing I want to add is something that I need to get out of my system... I want to make a video where I juxposition the director dude from "The Chosen" saying how he hated to make so many pleas for money, it makes him feel like a salesman with another speech where a dude from Israel says that too many people feel charitable and want to help the nation of Israel and so they send money and it feels like to them that they have done their charity, and yet Israel still needs. It sounds cliché for me to say it, but they need Living water not just a drink that will leave them thirsty again. I think if it is true that most of Israel is digitally present, then the best way to help them would be to support the method of getting a knowledge of Jesus to them. Each time I watch it I think, how much more this would help me truly understand and live better if I was a Jew living in Israel. Blah, blah, nope... Still nagging at me.

good, better, best ....

 I always liked good, better, best because it pointed out that it is not enough to merely be good. I used to think, "well, if our adversary knows us he will know that we will not do anything wrong, intentionally." So, to trip us up, we will not do horrible things, but good things, in a way that they keep us from doing the best things.

When I was at a Conference in Mississippi, we had a little "mock life". Admittedly I had a tiny advantage in that my parents were there teaching a class, so I knew that there were classes to take. And I did not know or trust or really love any of the leaders yet. When the leaders tried to convince people to go play games, that was an obvious hint to me that I ought not play games. If they would have tried to get people to go read scriptures or something, I might have stumbled and wasted my time doing that. To further complicate matters, the booths set up with teachers would refuse most people anyway, so others just quit trying that route and agreed to go play games and such. do you see what I am trying to say, here? We all just feel like doing something is better than doing nothing, and when teachers refuse to teach you anyway.... you tried, right? umm, not really hard enough.

If someone truly wanted to good, they would have ether have been somehow fortunate, like me, or tried to put the effort into figuring out why they were denied each class. Again, i just got lucky in that I took the first class first, and we were given little cards with stickers that gave permission to go to the next lesson in order. EPIPHONY!  It all came clear to me almost instantly, which I thought fortunate, but actually being forced into having to figure things out can be good. I didn't figure it out all well, actually, and the last bit was funny, but it pointed out to me an important thing in just the right way at just the right time (remember that quote, Raychelle?)

Here's what happened before we all died in a mock plane crash and were assigned kingdoms to await the final meeting of the night: The last class was on Families and Sealing. There were 2 boys and 6 girls in the class. I thought, hmmm... not going to take that class cause the boys are all ugly and they might make me get sealed to one of them. but I looked and no one else was even taking classes!! uh oh! what was I to do? I figured it out. I found some random guy and explained the game to him and sorta took him from playing with his friends (one of which was his girlfriend) to go through the classes in order. I got him to the last class and got sealed just in time , my group was the last one through before they announced the food was ready and we needed to "catch a pane to Hawaii".

So we all died on the plane and we were "judged" mostly it was according to the stamps on our cards, but also we were asked a personal question that defined our standing ultimately before God. So, I was assigned this beautiful place with music and flowing white curtains. I was checked on frequently by what I decided must be "ministering angels". It felt like a very long time that I was in the room alone. Everyone had gone on a tour of possible ,"kingdoms" so, I knew they were not individual rooms, but eventually others came and the last thing for the day was that people who did not have their spouse were gathered and assigned as children to other couples. Ah hah! perhaps we did not need a husband afterall! but, my guy was there and we were given a LOT of kids, but, when we were lead to the gymnasium to meet with everyone else, my family dispersed, other families stayed together!! urrrrgh! and then, they asked us to share our experience with everyone. Hahaha! Mine was that even if you do everything all right, you might be all alone. My husband had left to go be with his real friends and girlfriend who had not figured things out.

Just occurred to me and is important

 Yes, we can receive answers to prayers in ways we least expect. For me, in this instant it was a song. It was not in the actual lyrics, but occurred to me as I pondered the sentiment. For so long, I have wanted to do what was "my mission" as if it was a calculated set of things that I knew was not it. So long I have wanted to know what to want... Reminds me of that Carolina Liar song, "Show me what I'm looking for". My realization is that there is no particular thing I should want, I should just want. I have been afraid to let myself want anything in fear it might be wrong, but the point is that it is my choice and learning to chose is my lesson.... anyhow, other thoughts are waiting to be thought...

various thoughts of Luke

 My first thought was regarding Theophilus, which I decided is sort of a primative way of naming a Christian, who the Gospel of Luke was written to. My second big THOUGHT, was a thing I read this morning about how news had reached Joseph in EGYPT that Herod was dead, but it is said that John was th one who accused him because he wrongfully married his sister in law, ya da ya da, wait, John was only about 3months or so older than Jesus. Something seems incorrect, but I had also noted that the gospel of Luke does not even mention Egypt, so inaccuracies of translation or such are truly not of consequence. Thoughts are merely that, thoughts. Not every thought leads to truth.Another thought that tripped great thinkers up was the fact that there are multiple accounts of a singular event. This is frequently done to accentuate the truth. I have learn, merely with my husband, that we could see and instantly record the same event, but our accounts would differ, what was the same would become more noteworthy and supported. It's how testimonies work in law.

The thought that I am currently having is one which will likely become a new favorite scripture from the book of Luke from chapter 11. This is where, among many things, Jesus unfolds many things to students. Here he is speaking about the importance of speaking up and asking for things:

v. 8

I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.

That is an entirely new thought. it seems like we do not even need to worry about the propriety of what we are asking for, just ask it. Further it amazes me that God would ever been importuned. but in this parable God is represented by a snugly sleeping neighbor who has perfect, legitimate reasons to not even acknowledge the request, but I have always thought, he will instantly answer prayers because he loves me, this scripture was instantly beloved because it basically says that anything I ask will be answered and not because I am loved, but because I asked. Did I get that right?

Actually, I do that for my own kids when things are entirely inopportune for me, I will do it, regardless, my son arrogantly asks as if he already knows that I will get up and get him what he wants, not because he needs he Cause I could give millons of reasons the convince him that he will not get it, but I get up and do it. Or the time Joseph Smith asked if he could give some scripture plates to Martin Harris, and God said no, so Joseph kept asking. reason suggests the answer would not change cause God does not change, but here we see that he can be wearied into granting things.

It just occured to me that perhaps the disciples may not be the best source to know the teachings of Jesus. Often it is mentioned that they understood him not.

You have my Crochet Hook!

I was thinking this morning about a thing someone said last week, regarding All of the voices in the world screaming for things. As a teen I wrote a song when I had that thought, cause that's what I did with those little notions, now, I write blog posts. President Nelson, a prophet of God said that among all of the voices who was going to be God's voice? He was. Hence we have that cool video message, I truly think more hearts can be reached via Social media than ever could have been reached through say face to face contact and communication. And perhaps it took a pandemic like this to realize the great power we have.

So many directions to go with these thoughts, I will stick to my main premise avoiding the discussion of how we are truly all like a smphony playing our parts that independently seem too small to have meaning, like the videos I saw yesterday on collective minds, seemed like crowdsourcing to me....those surging starling very much remind me of slime mold. There is so much more to social unity than we can sense, but.... blah, so, I keep thinking about the fellowship of the ring movie how each, after Frodo speaks  one by one offers up his strength that the task might be accomplished. 

In my mind, President Nelson represents Frodo and in turn, each of us, can now pledge to help him. Personally, i cannot offer much, but what I can, I will. I remember a comment the "teacher/moderator" of our class said, "You all do not know how good it feels to see all of those little thumbs up appear in approval."

It used to be that people were not allowed to think or read for themselves. It was only through a preacher or some sort of trained religious leader that men could know the word of God. people were not even allowed personal copies of scripture. Well, this age we are not only allowed to share our own thoughts with one another, but we find great strength in such unity. Individual burdens are lightened. 

I no longer am even required to know and do everything, but like Henry Ford discovered anew what the egyptian monument builders already knew, Great things can be accomplished when we focus on our singular task.

At breakfast, we were discussing how Moroni was such a multi talented individual simply because he was able to stay alive for so long,let alone know how to read or write when he was on his own. I had wondered quite a bit how he always  apologized for his weakness in writing. I got it, this morning. I assumed everyone knew how to read and write, but it is to communicate, and he was completely alone for a VERY long time. Where did he get the tools to write. How did he eat? was he a chef, too? I ended feeling very Greatful that we can divide our labors, and I do not need to even know how to make new shoes, or such. If I need to know something, for instance, I can look online, surely someone knows. Yeah, it would be best to pray, or at least pray to verify truth.

Oh, time is running out. I have many things I need to do, so that others can not worry about how their clothes get clean, food gets made, presents get wrapped, etc.

also, check out: https://www.comeuntochrist.org/light-the-world-2020

Bad case of Demoitis

 My son is AMAZING!! and I am not saying it because I am his mother, but as I was listening to a piece on repeat. At first I was upset by the rhythm mistakes, and intended to change them, so I was listening on repeat, and I started singing along, not realizing that the melody I was singing was not actually included in the piece. I decided to rewrite it, but so I would recall I made a brief video with the vocal part by me, making it sound doubly worse. I kept telling myself it was just for a demo so that I would have a frame of reference.

Now, I had heard a producer comment on how people get demoitis trying  to recreate what they recorded as a demo, and then to the chagrin of the producer who is trying to help produce an ultimately better sound, the artists, cling to what was originally heard in the demo. I giggled go myself, thinking it sounded ridiculous, but now, as I listen to the recorded video I do not even hear the tracks as being out of sync, but as some new sort of sound that I do not even know how to recreate. It is like tossing a piece of trash and it landing in a perfect spot that could not be imitated if tried.

So, I have a bad case of Demoitis...

Assorted

 Would the good guy lose to the bad guy because he was bad once  loosing favor whereas the evildoer is atleast honest and known in the bad he has done. Ok,I tried to cover too many scenarios that I fear I actually covered one and instead mad myself a joke.

I was thinking about how a person changes over time but, seems to stop or sort of pause at a certain age and then decline or atrophy sets in. I was considering the evils of comparison, mostly, at this time, I was thinking of how I often compare my state to that of older or younger, the younger still only full of potential, the old only full of memories of who they once were. it was such thoughts that gave way to the  notion that I might feel older, but I will never be old when my parents are no longer living. They seem young to me. but as I get old I feel so unable, although my parents are much older and they are still fully capable of so many things. So, out of respect, I cannot complain about myself for experiencing ravishes of age when my parents are still quite vivacious.

secondly, I was thinking about what I was telling my kids. that being healthy mattered, but not to fret over looking other than they may want. it is utterly rediculous to want to all look the same. We are all different in color, size, shape, whatnot. for instance. I am just a smaller person, I ate in a way that would be justified by only a very large person, but their father is a large person, although he eats very sensibly. It is merely his size, regardless. I tell them the same thing. I used to lament being so slight and little and not the size and shape other think is most ideal. but, in my PBI amoften told what a blessing it is to have the health and means to accomplish the desires of my heart. That does not have anything to do with size shape of being wealthy. It is just easier to deal with being a certain way, but,I was too small when younger, and now, too large. I have thwarted death, and been very healthy for a very long time, though, but the small window when I looked ideal was sad to loose after I finally gained it. Point is, it doesn't matter.

Nick brought up that when the brother of Jared saw Jesus Christ, he had not yet been born. we thought many deep thoughts about what we might to look like in spirit and if we would be aware of what we ought to look like to be perfect.  

 That make me think of a movie where a guy is crippled and barely able to walk, then, in spirit (after death) he is seen helping others, and is barely recognizable. I wondered which the actor truly looked like ontop of wondering if every resurrected man would truly appear different or simply like his spirit, yeah, I always wonder about how when Jesus is resurrected he still has prints in his hands and feet. There is another film where it is explained, in depth, what events are prophesied concerning the last days of man kind. in it, Armageddon is discussed and how whe Jesus comes to rescue his people, they will run to him so excited that their messiah had come. But, then they see the marks in his hands and feet and ask about them. He explains that those are wounds he got when visiting his friends. And then, together as a nation the Israelis will realize who he is and was. So, in his case I can understand why his resurrected body retained such imperfections,but Moroni looked great for a dead guy!

skin color, thought

Watching a video conference between two "White" people, and I was struck to notice something that might be seen as common was not at all common. One man's skin looked pinkish at it's base where the other man had a base that I recognized as I had been called "jaundice girl" and struggled to find makeup that matched my skin tone as My sisters all wore the same color as my mom, but I could not. Whatever color this dude was, so am I. I wanted to think about what causes the color, and that makes me think about what about an electron changes the perception of a color. Think, think, think...

Whenever we trace order back we find the origin in intelligence, not in a substance that created the order, that is a very good thought that can be at last understood by considering every possible occurrence can be summed up as either being acted upon or acting upon. It terms of the origin of life it supports intelligent design and not bang there it is......another thing to think about... just this morning I was thinking about Pascal's Wager and feeling good about it, but if my mind ever attempts to drift this thought will surely snap me back to a greater truth, that all thinking extended purposefully would return unanswered which would in itself prove intelligence..... j'ai du travaille