No thought given

I don't know what I am going to write here, so I couldn't give this post a title.

I have been a latter-day saint all of my life, so I do not have a miraculous conversion story like my parents or others. I considered making one up and telling it enough that I believed it, too, because like most latter-day saints my belief was gradually built.

It is common where I was raised that in such instances where one just always believed what they were taught, that even such people would have a particular moment they would later refer to.as a conversion. I read many books about life long saints who searched out truth. And in particular, there was a life changing book.for me named "Our search to know the Lord." But, in reading it, I was profoundly effected, but ultimately felt like I did not have a conversion. It.was a lot like he described getting baptized, but not really being converted or know the Holy Ghost for some time.

It has been a process and accumulation of ideas and such, each building on eachother, building a fine infrastructure I call my testimony that I know that the LDS church is true and the church that has the Priesthood power on earth.

I feel like I am at a precipice about to take a big plunge from which I will only survive if I cling to my faith and hope. I feel like the words that will be the tool in my true conversion are within my grasp now, like a picture I saw of a man standing on a cliff called "who I am" and there was a wide.space between it and another hill called, "who I want to be". I am so close I.can see who I am intended to be, and I am beyond despising myself, but still there remains a "leap of faith".

I need some time to think things over...