Anti hero

Out of fear of a hero complex, I forced myself into an anti hero complex. What I mean by that is that a hero does not choose to be one. I must relate a great movie I just saw where a man tried his hardest to avoid the inevitable, he was sort of destined to greatness and as he tried harder and harder to avoid it, that was what made him more popular. Others told the dude how modest he was because he denied any talent or such, but he honestly, cause movies give you an extra "observer" insight, he sincerely believed himself untalented and worthless, which made him so loveable. Real quick, That is similar to how I used to always feel about Tal Bachman: I honestly believed that he somehow, maybe supernaturally, always knew exactly what to say, think, or do to be popularly loved. I thought it an extremely uncanny thing. I compared it to a thing I had learned from John Locke years ago about how a man rises to power because he exhibits a certain "needed" skill set. So, he was likely oblivious to it, but regardless it was what the population craved and so he without even trying filled a niche.
Ok. Now, to the anti hero assesment... i recently have come to realized that my "invisibility" is only in my mind. It is untrue, but a thing I believed fully. I danced in the spotlight like no one was watching because I thought that no one was. I was wrong. I was thinking about God, and thought surely I meant absolutely nothing to him.
It was funny and that is why I remember it at all, but one day in a class a woman told how her husband claimed that she had been so blessed from her association with him, when she knew that actually He had received many of his so called blessings through her. Her delivery was what made it so funny, sorry I cannot relive it for you.

Oh, oh, an unrelated note. For years, I watched and loved a video where a dude mightily proclaims, "I cannot recall what I said...", and it makes me laugh, not because he is forgetful, but that surely would be funny for an actor to forget his lines in such and important soliloquy, but it is translated to mean that he cannot take back what he said. Ok, just had to share that...

I was thinking how much that was like me, saying and doing "the right thing, and he,means nothing to you and you don't know why.." sorry, um where was I? So, I am so unbelieving my significance that I say and do significant things. It is like God knew my reluctant nature and used it as a heroic tool.

Oh, my headache is gone, better fall asleep while I can!