just thinking

I watch 1 Nephi over many times so that my mind will be occupied as my time passes. It is my desire to excert minimal energy but, remain moving for 2 hours...ok, back story over, I was thinking about how my daughter argues that it is foolish of me to continue doing something and expecting a different result when I the same thing has already happened multiple times. I realized as the Epic story folded regarding Nephi and his brethern obtaining the plates of brass. Nephi convinces his brothers to return, because it is plausible to them that their riches were left behind for such a purpose, but, when Laban still chases them out as robbers refusing to give the plates, I realize it would be extremely hard to believe there would be an intended way for things to work out, still Nephi keeps on trying. 

Laban's line was: we trusted the Lord and He didn't help us. And it does seem to be that way. I wondered in life, how often we are actually asked to do something, that we already know the result, but we are supposed to believe it will be different. 

I realized that it happened that was to try Nephi's faith, because he had to chose it over thoughts or "common sense". It continues that Nephi went to accomplish with no thought beforehand as to how to do it. That us similar to Abraham's Issac. He did not know how or even if thinks would work out... he merely obeyed. 

morning thought

This new training is kicking my butt. But, what I have learned is to love my days of rest, they are needed. I know this plan is working for me because I am able to sleep and eat properly to do it. I feel happier and like I am making progress towards something although, it is all virtual. I am doing a 12 week marathon training plan indoors, so it is not at all practical actually because as my husband pointed out, I cannot run, but, I can work out as if I were actually running, and one day when I actually can, I will be prepared. I believe my body was made for this. And, one thing I have picked up from all of my failed attempts is that success, albeit short-lived, follows a definite belief.

morning thought

I actually do not regret the time and effort I wasted just to realize that I was right. Years ago, I thought that I am probably just going to gain weight, so, just get rid of my old too small clothes. It is part of growing up to age gracefully.. that's  actually what both my grandmother and my mother plainly told me, still I had to learn the long drawn out way. I recall a video where a woman I admire explained how she gained weight when she started training for a half marathon. In high school, the top runner for our cross-country team was a shorter heavier set girl. I couldn't believe it when she beat me. But, whenever I feel stronger I also feel like I am eating too much. Just finally, as I started training for a marathon, myself, I realized that if I am going to perform well, then I need to abandon my obsession with loosing weight and accept that I am going to get larger. Likewise, a few year ago, a girl I knew was weight lifting and she showed before after and during photos and one of the first stages., she just looked like she had gained alot of size and weight, but then eventually started toning up and though her size did not shrink, she became more defined and is an accomplished weight lifter.

One last silly little anecdote is regarding a Norse God whom is well-loved. On a computer game a choice was made to make him a larger person. This was decided, given all of the information about him. It is funny though, that all of the gamers got upset and made fun of "Fat Thor".

My dad always said, " ask you are, I once was and as I am, you will become." My brother gained alit of weight, and I am next in line. I just accept it, at this point as part of my evolution. I chose to become a greater version of myself, and become truly beautiful, not some messed up version that would be impossible for me anyway.

My parents pointed out how my focus of weight-loss effects my children, too. My youngest son has been talking about how many calories he needs per day already, good grief! I will need to teach both my what I say and what I do. 

morning thought

I went to 1 Nephi, though I can completed it, and thought that I had a craving for Isaiah, so I listened to chapter 21 and instantly, I thought about the word pastor and how I knew that it was pastor, but in listening, alone I might hear pasture (later the word Pasture is used) and be confused, also I was determined to understand who "I" is and typically "I" always refers to the savior, but at this time I was thinking first of Joseph in Egypt and how he had himself from his brothers. Well, Joseph is a shadow of Jesus, so perhaps it is talking about Jesus, but then it say that he will be an instrument in making known  things unto the lost tribes of Israel in helping them know who they are and that this is no small thing. So, I decided it was Joseph Smith, and this was the first thought I had today. The second was that I messed up. I ought to be praying not trying to unravel scriptures. My dad was right, he somehow always knows and prepares my way of thinking so that I focus on and notice that correct things. Last time we visited he was talking about how cunning and thoughtful the new generations are, spotting easter eggs here and there, they always twist things and look beyond the mark...missing what matters most. I think that is exactly what the savior got so stinking mad at the news for, and why I gave Mary my Icelandic water to drink, to see a natural reaction. To a thing not being what it appeared to be (it was actually vinegar)she was likewise very upset. That's what I did in thinking about trying to unravel scriptures with my first thoughts instead of praying and communicating with my Father in Heaven...that matters most  (building a solid relationship - desiring that above all else).

morning silly thought

I wonder if I lost so much weight because I cut my hair.

I know what doesn't work, now. I will believe this will work for a while. Time wise it works well... we'll see.

6 - get up pray and study BoM

6:30 - radio taiso, stretch, tai chi for balance

7 - finish household chores then jog for at least 20 of the 30 minutes left.

7:30 - study Icelandic and walk

8 - practice piano

9 - make breakfast 

10 - eat

12 - flat abs 6 min workout

3 - porch sit til kids get home

4 - japanese walking

6 - eat & walk

9 - take a bath and set out clothes

9:30 - prayers and laptop charge

10 - go to sleep

morning thought

Two thoughts on my mind all morning.

1)How "Dandy's World" is a metaphor for life, and how important having the right community or team is in success.

2)I have never felt more keenly the desire to be good enough and purified enough to be able to please my father in Heaven.  I think it boils down to a greater understanding of my place in family. 

morning thought

How often are we asked to do something, by our parents or leader which we had already done? I was thinking about that because I was in Nephi chapter 19 where he talks about the record he already made, but then God commanded him to make another record and he explains that he can think of reasons, but that does not explain why nor should the why be necessarily known, obedience does not require knowledge,  infact it is a common phrase that faith proceeds the miracle... just yesterday I was listening to a talk where someone was talking about the ordinances and how they are performed at an alter, but even Adam when asked why this was done said that he did not know any more than that God commanded it.

2 thoughts or directions for further thoughts:

1) all of the times in the scriptures where the doer knew not how or why but still accomplished the thing.

2) How mankind likes to criticize faith as blind obedience.

morning thought

It is recorded in Genesis that Joseph would be separated from his brethren. And, it is so, when the story if his finding favor in Egypt, but, this morning I wonder if this is  metaphor, a type and shadow, or parable of sorts, of the book of Mormon peoples.

morning thought

Nephi built a ship although he didn't know how and had no tools. I am going to become a great runner, though I have no balance and am out if shape. But, if I ever do it, it will be because the Lord offered help. Nephi did built a ship that not only floated, but sailed all the way to America!

morning thought

As I was walking, and thinking about my true goals, and I looked at the person walking and thought,  different people have different body types, it us not a sample of "do this and look like this" I then thought of Gene Simmons, perpetually doing exercise, but never looking any fitter. And I thought, hmm, I will never look like that, my machinery will not work that way. Any if I did look that way, I would be about 50lbs heavier. That made me think about my grandmother telling me that when she was younger she thought being super thin and small was best, but now, it looks sickly, and unattractive. So, I thought how it is possible that Heavenly Father looks at our bodies and thinks how terrible that looks and yet, we still are so limited in our focus that we stumbled and praise that one look. Recently, I saw a video that addressed a group who all seemed near death they were so frail and that was what was sought after among that group. It seems satanic to me like screwtape plotting to destroy bodies by not using them properly or something, and really if we all could relax in our focus we might realize the beauty of life over being small. I have heard others refer to a large person as "healthy" and when I was in the hospital my doctors prescribed a boost (extra calories) with every meal, and often said that weight gain is directly associated with proper body function...it us a sign that a person is healthy if their weight increases.

So, it is not impossible for us to see gaining weight as a good thing,  but dialectical, I am cautioned not to go to the other extreme. Some body types simply are smaller. It is however we are all born but, I for one have previously failed to see the beauty in every type because I associate sloth and overindulgence as being responsible for weight gain, and this may be true, likewise Ozempic (drug use) may be responsible for being thin.

The world would be a happier place If mankind could stop judging according to appearance...that sorta goes with my premise that if women still wore dresses or made all the clothes their family wore, the world would be more content. There have been contributions made by pant wearing women that made the world a better place. That was an idea of the Teenaged Melissa....

morning thought

My favorite thing to do each morning is what I call " Chen circles " to the point that I thought and pondered trying to figure out why I liked them so much. I decided it was because my Tai Chi guide said they allow freedom of movement and it is in the nature of anyone who has an ounce of Scottish ancestry to love Freedom. Then, yesterday, I felt like listening to a podcast so I listened to an episode of "The Ancient Tradition" and the particular episode just so happened to be titled something and the Shen Circle. Which  was odd, because I feel like there is something just waiting to be known to me about the significance of "the free Masons". And a shen circle is an Egyptian thing used to build temples. At one point, I stopped all Tai Chi cause I saw symbols and wondered if I was not just exercising but performing rites, as movement is perhaps another way to hand down information from generation to generation, particularly Tai Chi does the same exercises as other forms of exercise, but you do not even need to realize you are doing them, to benefit (think of looking on the snake for Moses' people) for instance, if I say, Do 20 squats and 30 of balancing on one leg each day to improve balance, you would believe me, cause it sounds right and un do able, whereas, in Tai Chi (for balance) you do repetitive movements each day where your focus is elsewhere but, you basically are shifting weight and doing squats, and standing on one foot, but it is said, " doing Tai Chi everyday for weeks will miraculously improve your gait"... see?

Anyhow, I have noticed how my mind feels lighter and more able to focus. I feel like I dropped a few hundred IQ points, but they are my thoughts! More specifically,  this is my thought, this morning.

morning thought

I feel like everyone patronizes me, and they think they are being kind. It feels like pity. Maybe I do have severe brain damage and others really are only tolerating the village idiot. 

I wish I hadn't noticed that.

morning thought!

I started thinking, maybe I simply did not fast long enough, and could still get those sought after benefits. Instantly, I thought about how I truly believe that I was created and placed in this world to enjoy and use food, and I finally started to feel better and got sleep. I do not think it was worth it to fast, but, my mental abilities simply do not know. This was a Moses on Sinai moment where I was not going to be tempted because I could contrast the fruit of following one way as far superior to the other, so instantly, feeling like a bit was lost and regarding my fast to trip me up...well, that wasn'tgoing to work anymore. Now, my very thoughts were used and I began playing a game in my mind, an actual fun game, but I had deleted all my mobile games recognizing them as stumbling blocks, so despite my desire to play, I freaked out realizing my own thoughts were thwarting my desires to repent and improve. I long have had a goal to pray before anything else, but always think to do it right after I start my daily "fitness" routine, but because of this attempt to cause me to stumble  I was able to broaden my view and realize what was going on and instead say a prayer.

 I saw a video where a woman started each day with a sincere prayer and it was instantly impressed upon my mind what a great instrument she must be in God's hands, so that is what I prayed for this morning. I recognized that the struggle I had been enduring for years between my heart and mind had been nothing less that the struggle between the good and the profane. I realized and was able to turn back in the right direction, and it may have been a stumble and a set back, but knowing I am eternal it really matters where I am headed, not how far I am.

morning thought

Just a question repeats in my thoughts this morning: why did Nephi like Isaiah so much?

I won't give the obvious answer to me cause there are so many better thoughts that will result.

morning thought

It does more harm than good to reason out matters of faith.

Even reasoning out principles only makes us accept that they are reasonable.

My pet peeve is people in my life who have spoke about great miracles as if they could be found out or understood. I see in my life where I diverged to seeking out knowledge and thought I was shedding light on things but, as I look back on my life I wasn't niave or blindly following things, I just knew things for certainly.  I miss that girl. "It is good to be learned... " But, if that learning is lopsided, it is detrimental.