interesting

As my subcutaneous fat increases, my weight decreases, not what the health gurus tell you.

But, as is constant, when I eat more and drink more my body seems to have more of the resources it needs and Accordinly I increase in health. A few influencers recommend moderation and that comes close to what makes my body thrive, but basically it is by giving in to cravings and such, just not to extreme that works for me.

Another very interesting thing that I learn from my own trial and error and not from the health/capital seeking experts is that exercise has pretty much nothing at all to do with the cause of my weight gain. Whereas it has been a constant " If you do this exercise in this way, then you will lose weight, and when I don't,  it is always because I am eating too much and need to fast. True,  fasting does cause weight loss, but, so does eating enough. Whereas, doing various exercises has never caused weight loss, which is the reason I wondered if something was severely wrong with me.

My take away is an echo of what I once heard, all of those weight loss techniques likely have a place, they are like a smorgasbord from which I pick and chose until I find what works for me. I have 100% learned that weight loss is absolutely not a thing for me at all, and if I can erase it from my mindset altogether I will be healthier.

the reason

I figured out why I cannot seem to break my addictions. I Call them that because they seem like compulsions.that are contrary to my goals and actually do not work and I understand that,  but I run back to them when my goals are not met. I believed maybe it was that I had alternate personalities that were sabotaging me, and they had to each decide to quit playing mobile games for money or find a plan for weight loss. I am over 50 years old and the only plan that ever worked was not having a plan and allowing my own body determine what was best for me.

At this point, it feels like a Sarah and Abraham thing, where all good sense tells me what to do, I call this my intellect, or reasonable side, and when I give up and let God, nothing happens. So, just as Sarah figured out intellectually how to fulfill God's promise to Abraham she acted on it, and gave her hand maid in her place, but when she came to herself she didn't really like the idea, and that is where I am right now. I follow diets because they seem to work, but, when they don't I think, well, they were wrong in the first place, but they after it is gone my weight loss goal is still present, so I ought to do something,  well, such and such actually worked, but it costs money, so I need to make money, playing games which attaboy me with all of the Health guru advertisements. It, for a latter-day Saint, is like going to a fast and testimony meeting of diets and health plans, and each ad full of testimonies, "It works for everyone else, but you. You must be a freak. "

But, this week, our youth lesson is on priesthood power, and it got me thinking 🤔 if I truly believe in this power, as I claim to, then surely if I asked for God to help me, he would. That's it! I will ask for a priesthood blessing. I can overcome this funk. Being physically attractive is NOT the reason or promise of my existence. And frankly, I would rather not even think about it. I believe, without the influence of those stupid apps and games, that my failure is because I am not sticking to anything. And the reason, I can and probably will succeed is through following my intuitive self, even if it seems entirely unlikely or that I am moving in the wrong direction. Last time, I started gaining weight and instantly jumped back to the plan that worked, but, again constantly having to tweak this or that because it just "felt" wrong. I even asked Mary if maybe it was a yo-yo diet thing, that, sure it works as long as you stay on it, but it is actually damaging me. Like IF. I lost tons of weight and loved it, until I realized that weight loss was not due to fasting it was due to muscle loss, and I needed to eat, but actually struggled to do so, because my body had adapted.

This morning was hard, I did not want to run, and I recalled a podcast where a woman said that she actually gaing weight and size when she started training for a race. No diet plan even suggested that I run, and everyone else in my house was still asleep. Still, I got up and forced myself to do it chanting in my head, it will get easier, if you do it! And I want to rund because I love running, not for and other purpose and I definitely will never run again without enduring the pain and struggle, plus, each morning I do not run signals that it is not important anyway, but it is. I have been promised that I can accomplish anything I set my self to, and it is merely important that the things I set out to accomplish are of eternal significance. This morning was not about running, it was about accomplishing. Accomplishing only happens when we stick to something....much like having FHE and family prayers. They would be hard to make people do, if they had not simply become habitual. I intend to run every morning at 6:30. Not for a race. Not to loose weight. But, because that is what I do.

morning thought

You knuw that talk about flashes of light, pretty sure it was a BYU devotional, any there was a story about a guy who actually knew things that his senses had not time to sufficiently reveal to him, cause he had only brief flashes as they traveled, anyhow, this is one of my flashes, and a thing that had been revealed but, only because I pondered and considered did my mind have time to form it into a thought.

Through all my attempts to recreate what worked after my movie weight gain. It really worked, and initially I thought it was my fasting.  well, yeah, and no.

I was so sure it had caused my healthy rebound, but my attempts this time around failed hugely!!

I then, thought it was the daily walking. Well, yeah, and no. Later as I over did it, I concluded, with evidence, that exercise did not cause weight loss. It actually caused weight gain. So, most recently, I quit entirely, and have neither gained or lost weight.

My diet is stable,  and the reason fasting and walking worked is that they were consistant over a long period of time. This may not hold true for anyone else, but for me, consistancy is the key to weight normalizing. 

My health did change when we moved here, and I have been trying different things every other week or so, which caused my body stress. It prefers normalcy. The one thing that changed my weight, actually only a little bit, certainly not tipping me overweight, that was a result of trying so hard to lose weight. What changed is our living arrangement which  doesn't require as much walking, life is easier. And I rarely get 5 hours of sleep per night. Last night, though I tried so hard, I only got about 3 hours. My husband stays awake playing loud video games until 11pm, and then my son wants to be awaken and fed breakfast by 4 to 4:30am, and it takes me a considerable amount of time to fall asleep.

Maybe I should intend to only nap at night, and then sleep during the day. That might work, if I could normalize it and be consistent.  Hmmmm... I could try that. I do not NEED  to make money, or exercise or eat even. 1 thing at a time. How would that work. I would need a block of 6 hours. How about 10 am until 3pm that would work. I could do that, and see what it does, if it makes my thoughts clearer and such. Ok, I am late already..... bless, bless.