How much will even be here to remind that I ever was?

I just kept telling myself, this too shall pass, I was thinking things certainly could not get much worse than they already are. Then, on cue, my microwave stopped working. No biggie, I'll just use my toaster oven to heat up lunch, while I figure this one out. Toaster Oven will not work either, and I cannot move the microwave because it is built in to the wall to test other outlets maybe. So, I just used the big ole oven, but I look at how random things are to rule out the usual suspects, and conclude that it must be a godly coincidence(providence), but what does it mean? I ask that too much, I really ought to have a standard answer by now, but I don't. So, I'll spend the rest of the day thinking about it and asking "What does it mean? and What can I even do?"

My weirdest game

This was strangely so easy for me.

I played a game of trying to think of, not prayerfully consider the Lord's will, as should be done, whom I would prefer as counselors in a pretend presidency. I bet such a game is important to play when choosing a spouse as well. it is important to realize that your task is perfect, but you are not. So, who would you chose to round you out and improve your potential?

My first desire is to chose like-minded friends whom I like to be around, secondly to sort of appoint those whom I admire most (like an ancient king appointing earls) whom I would like to be my close friends. But, ultimately the exercise taught me instead to think of those I might not have instantly considered  but, would provide the grandest perspective when coupled with mine. But, I was reminded that just different is not good. Team work is uniting different talents for a common goal.

It is simple

I was looking for a simple evidence of a doctrine I already believed, that Prophets of God could not lead astray. I found many arguments, mostly founded on a quote from Wilford Woodruff saying

“The Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as President of this Church to lead you astray.”   

And whenever a single person is used to defend a point it is not successful in it's attempt to persuade. I even read many points of others seeing the alluring attractiveness of what they asserted, but I already knew what I believed, I was only looking to know where this belief started, I doubted that it started with Wilford Woodruff. Then, the matter was greatly clarified for me in this scripture: 

24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

It is found in the gospel of Matthew chapter 24. It is simple. If it was possible to lead the saints astray the prophets would have done so, even the very elect, whatever that constitutes. But, It is not possible regardless what we are inclined to think is reasonable, if we follow the prophet we will be right in the eyes of the Lord, this also provides a second witness to Wilford's claim, though it doesn't need one.

 

Beauty Again?

     Alright, it seems I pass the time thinking about beauty. Odd when it otherwise escapes notice. My initial thought to pass time today was this thought over and over, "I love Jesus Christ." and I do; but because there ought to be more to such a thought, I turned to music and videos to let my idea launch into something grander, or at least more than obsession. I went on a wild jouney that lead me to this video:

 

       And while watching it the thought occurred to me that Mary was chosen to be the mother of Jesus Christ, so she must have been the representation of what was beautiful to God. I very much doubted that it was how she wore her hair or made her face appear, further, I doubted that it had much to do with how she choose to appear to others at all. There is a hymn that says "There was no beauty that man should him desire." so, man's desire and beauty are not found naturally in his own salvation. That was a big eye opener.

The fact that I keep returning to the topic of beauty suggests to me that it is something that I have failed to gasp yet...

I ought to include this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_jrGmWJ0xM

Quote to remember

You lack the vision to see how happy a marriage can be, and should be. You are satisfied to eat the crumbs that fall from the table, for you have never tasted the banquet.

compare that to the saying that "It is better to have loved and lost."  a quote from the book "Fascinating Womanhood" by Helen Andelin. I wonder if she is related to Derek, who I knew from doing Windows technical support. It is an odd surname...

Baking soda

I was too tired, last night, so I placed this sort of book mark here for myself

This is another thought inspired by baking. I still laugh every time I see the label that boast of "All Natural" baking soda, what on earth is unnatural baking soda? Sound interesting to me.

What I noticed as I tried several recipes was that the baking soda made the biggest difference.

But, the reason I was trying new recipes had nothing to do with taste.  Every one tasted great! but they did not look perfect. So the one I tried last night appeared best, but tasted terrible. It is not the first time I had a run in with Soda. I had previously decided never to use it again, after it clumped up and I got a brownie with a lump of baking Soda.

But, my conclusion was two part last night. 1) I had been warned countless times that you cannot have you cake and eat it. (story about my piano lesson in college where I asked my teacher to not be so picky since music was aural anyway) 2) I will not give up just because I have failed so far. Someone once told me that was what made me so above mediocre my never give up or settle attitude. I know thee exists a combination of ingredients that will produce both the most tasty and beautiful recipe.

Country and Western

I was wondering about the commonalities between country and western. In particular there are things I considered "country" but then realize it is probably just a western thing, namely a cast iron skillet. It led me to realize the similarities like, resourcefulness, almost frozen in timeness, and grass rootsness. Granted, the last two aren't real words but that is what I was thinking about expressed most plainly in words (that communicates the right thing to you, I hope).

I have loved the resourcefulness of rednecks that find a way to do a thing that others do some way unavailable to them. But, isn't that the same thing I admire so much about pioneers? It is summed up by the saying "necessity is the mother of invention."

So, today thinking about my skillet and where it came from, or rather what it represents, sitting next to my non-stick electric griddle. I think, just,because a way is accepted or the big thing does not discredit other ways that might be better. So, let those ideas flow even the original ones.

Division of labor

While watching Disney channel I thought the advertisement, though not false, seemed inaccurate. As I considered it, I thought it was probably because of specialization.

A division of labor has allowed us to make great advances by focusing on one area, but it has caused so much specialization in some cases, that sight of the big picture is lost.

Many visitors

I was thinking how almost too often I am waiting for something, but I am clueless as to what. It must be godot. He gets so,many visitors there is probably a line longer than the one to space mountain to get to even see him. It is worth it though, right? Or why wait? Uh oh, potential song forming, push it away, I am busy waiting for something. :)

I like the Jewish notion best, light a candle then go to sleep. I guess it's almost like Santa Claus.

one generation to the next

I had a thought that was fun to follow, it originated in thinking about a particular man. Was he really all that he seemed to be? If so things would be so entirely different. It is true that if things were as I thought then I would be extremely fortunate. And it is good that a person needs improvement, but if they do not improve and one doesn't want to then they have plenty reason to lament. that lead me to the thought that originates with a talk by James E. Faust where he explains that though God has all power at his disposal to change a world he starts with an idea planted in a mother's mind.  That makes me think about the stripling warriors who had great faith because their mother's taught them so.

I was having great fun thinking of how faith starts out with a mom, who teaches kids to know a thing as true and then it becomes fact  And it is handed down generation to generation and the world is changed.  Each successive liter knowing things that their mothers believed. It was taught to me by my friend Byran as Familial repentance. Slightly different, but ultimately the same thing.

On Faith

My mind gets stuck on loops when a thing is said, until I come to a worthy conclusion. Such a thought was generated by an idle, not otherwise significant comment about Faith. A red flag was raised in my thoughts telling me it was significant to consider. Faith is an attribute like others we just have like integrity, etc. Such attributes can be cultivated, "Faith is like a little seed. If planted it will grow." But, it is one of those things that if we poses it is part of who we are, and something, so to speak, that we brought with us, memory is not one of them.

I just saw The Little Mermaid so I use that metaphor to understand. It is like Ariel's voice, in that is more significant than we know, but to convince Ariel otherwise Ursula  explains that it is just one attribute, but, she speaks truth about the fact that she has so many other attributes can be focused on and used to get a man's attention  anyway. It reminds me of my best friend's observations while taking a "non verbal communication" course.

My most important thought was how in the hospital, on what seemed my death bed, people commented about what a "spiritual" person I was. Maybe, that is what got me through, so very little remained of "me" anyway.

I think of my visits with my therapist/psychologist who also said in interviews several times that I was a spiritual person, at the time, I took it as the intellectual way to say that I was religious, but not Baptist. I am so curious to know what was of value of me, as he asked my permission to be used in an article that he was writing. It was common. I was asked for Brain fluid, spinal fluid, if I would be willing to participate in a study on encephilitis, etc. My only thought was that if my misfortune could make me valuable to others than it was worth it. Time and again, I was told that survival was very rare, and most in similar circumstances only had discovered their malady after a thorough autopsy. This made me feel good. I finally found my talent and a way to be truly original.

Overcoming odds is the talent as manifest in this existence, but the true attribute is one that I had and brought with me and used. When everything else is removed from me, the part that remains defines me. It is Faith. It reminds me of the play, "You Can't Take it With You".

Redundant Stupidity

Repition is usually annoying, but this is really irksome. I can see well ahead of me, and this cycle is full of more misunderstanding and stupidity.

I realize that everything I want is to improve my beauty or make me more attractive. That is stupid. I well know that being too anything isn't desirable, and in particular being very attractive is likely annoying and would attract the wrong sort.

It seems though that time and time again it is men prefering something and women preferring them and believing they are comparatively lesser because they are not preferred. I noticed something else, it is almost like magic how I reflexively think that I am in love with someone who outwardly prefers me. That is stupid because I do not want the wrong types to prefer me, only one in particular. When wrong ones do, I get upset and claim that They love me for the wrong thing. I want to be loved so much that I would be like air to breathe.

My fondest imagining is that I will be loved entirely and not only partially.

To wrap this up I need to be loved which is a process leading to true understanding. I want to be more attractive so I can be lazy regarding who I was  instead of work on my character to try to rebecome.

Confused yet?

How do you keep straight who you are?

Didn't think we would be wise enough to believe something that seems wrong, huh?

Love is powerful as is curiosity, and I do love you, you. I even esteem and admire you, but you loose, sorry.

Eternal perspective

The way I see things has shifted as it no doubt will as my understanding of things increases.

Something to giggle about while I put things in proper perspective, get it? Anyway, I had a pair of jeans with a button that had cursive writing that I thought said "his" and I thought many a time how brilliant it was to create a label of women's jeans called "his". Later, I clearly saw it said "chic".

Alright, what I wanted to relate was how, like in horoscope and song lyrics, we make sense of things in a way that is applicable to us. It so happens that often my values have been shaped to be quite different from the world. A lot of my different values stem from my idea of life being eternal and this world is only a snapshot.

Storytime. A nurse who attended me in vanderbilt told me while she pushed my wheelchair that I should not be so sad, things looked bleak right now, but it was just a snapshot and in several years things would likely be entirely different. She was my nurse now when I was unable to walk, etc. But I could get better while she had MS and expected her condition to worsen over time.

I am reminded of so many great stories, but in particular, a man explained something every missionary ponders when they are rejected. The people were good people, would it not have been better for them to have never received the gospel than to reject it? This discussion came from our study of the final judgement and the absolute assignment to various kingdoms in heaven. This man explained how it was just a two year snapshot and just because in your short time you were rejected does not mean the gospel was rejected, it is like one lady explained one step at a time. Many principles are active on the mind and good begets good.

Anyhow, my thoughts were on how both Brandall and Nick are what I consider the best sort of man available on this earth, but the rest of the world doesn't think so. To me that was what having eternal perspective meant. I valued them for who they truly were not how pleasantly they presented themselves to those living at the same time.

I made a few videos and it had noth,            soever to do with how I could be or s body for much longer than just mortality my aim would not have been to succeed in appearing the way that would make me satisfied while making videos.

More comes to mind about Rebeckah and how she was truly beautiful...anyway, I was watching a video this afternoon about paradigm shifts which I never actually understood (and that is sort of ironic that I was not consciously aware). And I realized that to me having eternal perspective is the instruction, but the direction changed.

Now. I see that it is better to just fall in love because I will not ever get a chance to again. It is firm in my mind that I will live forever, so what I ought to accomplish is different.

Something silly

I have an uncanny amount of faith in things that,my intellect likes to poke fun at, the marriage of intellect and fancy often gives rise to thoughts herein contained, aka wit.

One such thing is my unfailing belief in the priesthood as being the same power used to create the world. My mind mock,me and says that is silly or ridiculous, even. Like my faith that "Impossible" things can be commanded to be, like my health for instance. My mind says, "Course, every blessing has been answered for anyone alive, or even dead because any consequence is ok if it is the will of God."