quote about BMI inaccuracies

My mother pointed out that the way information is available today, one can find information to support whatever viewpoint they have, so I fear that might be the case in the following quote, because everytime I feel bad about my weight, my inner monologue always ends on the conclusion that my weight gain is not unhealthy and I need to recognize that. It is actually what I prayed for for years to be healthy and I truly was severely malnutrition and underweight, so I need to stop with the fat shaming of myself.

"higher BMI in older adults or specific age groups can sometimes correlate with better health and longevity rather than increased risk."

Besides, although I was the ideal in both height and weight, I saw no real advantage. No one sought my company because I was so physically attractive, and my physique has never ever been a desirability thing, though media everywhere said it was.

I was 120lbs and 5ft9, and had long brown hair and blue eyes. Still, nothing about that made me at all desirable. Though I believed it should have and so when I gain weight I feel like.... wait, it didn't work yet, and as I get healthier I gain weight and feel better, but still, I somehow believe that I ought to be skinnier. Even when I moved to Mississippi and I was down to a size 4 and weighed 130lbs I felt I was too heavy and sought to lose weight, which lead to so much weight gain. And my gut reaction is to stop trying to be someone else's ideal and accept who I am. It is good and sort of a strange blessing that I broke free from the slow death of my physical self through fasting and dieting. I ought to gain weight and set a better example of what true health is instead of pandering to the myth of being super skinny is desirable. It is not.