reimaging

It is the same thing as happened in cross-country in Indiana. starting out I was faster than average, then as the year and training progressed I didn't and it didn't upset me. I was no longer the fastest, as it was assumed, and my coach used to get upset that I wasn't even trying or anything, but I was,  finally I just explained that I was trying hard all year whereas others tweaked their performance to peal about now in the season, whereas I never peaked, I just was always at 100 percent. It is like the volume dial on your TV. Others were pretty quiet and made me seem loud, but as they turned up their goals, I started to blend in. Using that metaphor with my body/weight I have always been ideal, that is what my grandmother, my dad and my son were trying to express. I cannot loose weight and others do, but so what, I just am. I got to thinking about my Pat. Blessing at it promises health to accomplish everything. That is a pretty miraculous gift.  Looking back, I did not overcome the odds to walk again because of my incredible efforts. I often said it if was my time, then I would die, but fretting about it certainly wouldn't change it. Likewise, I grew, into a pretty tall woman, not because I chose it and did what was required. The same will be true with my physique.  I am merely changing and need to stop trying to mold myself into the way I want to look. I honestly think that I will be happier if I just...que sera sera.

Accordingly, I am going to, noy play favorites even, but just start over with a new body and only wear clothes that I like, so that It will not take effort to find something to wear and I absolutely will not spend money on ways to try to change me appearance in any way, too expensive. I want to be presentable and not apprehensive, but my days of trying to be this elusive thing called beautiful are over.