I did it!

I figured it out. It was such a small detail that it seemed  insignificant, it was an anxiety that I didn't even kniw about... it was stress caused by failure to loose weight that was causing glucose spikes, ya da ya da, ultimately a total failure. It is like that scene from. Harry Potter with the trap made by a plant that tightens if you try to get away, so you need to give up to get away. I had to decide that I didn't care if I lost weight and I started losing weight! I stopped exercising and excessive fasting and blood testing. Now, this is absolutely not the answer for everyone. But, my parents taught me the best lessons first, ask yourself why you want what you want. And that every person does not equal every other person. I also felt like I needed to make the loss of lives even of my ancestors worth it, so I repeated in my head,"Do I chose freedom or being pretty." It can be reduce to a simple choice of Heavenly Father's plan or not. And I rewatched conference and remembered that Mortality Really works, and Mary, my daughter always tells me, "just trust the process." And I realized it comes down to trusting prayers and promises as I read and re ite from the scriptures or those stupid influencers most of which I have proven to be wrong. Still want to believe that there might be an odd exception somewhere? No, I chose to belief that if I pray for a thing I will get the best possible outcome (like Moana praying to find Maui and getting shipwrecked.)