Homecoming queen

I wasupset because I was nominated but didn't win, Then my little sister was Walnut's homecomming, and I thought,"thank heaven for unrealised dreams" I know now that it is no advantage. shealso Became a star in a Rock band and won 500 Dollars in a bikini contest, but I'm happy that I didn't choose that path, I have learned alot by watching her.

She told me that I could do all of that, too if I just stopped being such a hypocrite and quit going to church and bein so foolish to trust in thngs that I cannot even understand. But I know that those things have and will help me. Idon't believe them because I need to, or as a saftey blanket so I can be happy and feel like I belong.

I just need them because I need something true that won't change to trust and build on. Popular opinion won't be so nice when she gets older so I hope that she really enjoys the here and now. that is what I think about Brandall, too. I think of Blaise Plascal, and his little matrix sieve. I think forever is too long to waste this life because you don't want to trust, unless you really get something out of it,all Lacy gets is High, drunk, and recognition. nothing that I want. I want to be really Loved.

Now I know that those things don't bring love, so I don't really care if I'm never as beautiful as I can be. I want to be so good that people know it undeniably. I want to radiate and be so confident that people love me for who I am, I thinkthat might be a little of the Adam durit showing through.

Well, I grew up and figured out that the idea that "When you're famous everyone loves you" is wrong. It just messes you up, and I don't think that I am strong enough to take that kind of chance. Even with my simple and sheltered life I run into trials. I shuddder to think of what would happen if I got everything that I thought that I wanted. iT sounds silly, but I think being eadly ill is better than suceeding at what i wanted, now I couldn't be famous even if I wanted to. I used to be in love with Adam Durit, but even Jennifer Anniston said that he wsn't that good of a catch. I think that I love Kevin Montgomery, because hewrites such good songs and looks like the guy in "The Illusionist" I really like his success, but it is good that I don't get everything I think that I want, because the past has taught me that my wishes were not going to make me happy in the long run. That is what I really want.

I am glad that my sister got to follow her dreams. they were mine, too. It is so funny when she was little shealways said, "I'm going to be just like you." now, she hasbeen my example. I never thought much of how important being a good example was. Now I want it back, I will be stronger, better, more improved, so I can show my little sisters and daughters how to behave.

Though I never was a homecoming queen.