Friday, March 20, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
I really do not have much to say, but I wanted to thank twitter.
It seems like sucha simple little tool, but it is a good place for people to get together, it is symbolic of a pile of sugary goodness to a group of ants.the internet is full of poeople but no way to get them all together. What twitter does is allow people to see that they are "not alone"much as was previously a thing assigned to books or movies. only attention spans have decreased with the "blog age" I have even been told on twitter to "get a blog" cause I just have too much to say, being raised on books and movies. But I knew this 140 character thing was coming. not because I am a great prophetess, but because I tend to notice unraveling schemes in marketing, and I knew that whomever first thought of this would bevery successful, i knew people wanted to socialize, It's like knowing feeders are going to work well at the duckpond,sort of a no brainer.
here is a link: http://www.twitter.com
see how you like it. and look me up too,for an excercise in your prowess. I use the name melisssa. Best wishes.
It seems like sucha simple little tool, but it is a good place for people to get together, it is symbolic of a pile of sugary goodness to a group of ants.the internet is full of poeople but no way to get them all together. What twitter does is allow people to see that they are "not alone"much as was previously a thing assigned to books or movies. only attention spans have decreased with the "blog age" I have even been told on twitter to "get a blog" cause I just have too much to say, being raised on books and movies. But I knew this 140 character thing was coming. not because I am a great prophetess, but because I tend to notice unraveling schemes in marketing, and I knew that whomever first thought of this would bevery successful, i knew people wanted to socialize, It's like knowing feeders are going to work well at the duckpond,sort of a no brainer.
here is a link: http://www.twitter.com
see how you like it. and look me up too,for an excercise in your prowess. I use the name melisssa. Best wishes.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
No more I love yous
Obviously saying "I Love" doesn't convey the meaning I mean. It really mkes you think about all of your perceptions. I wrote a poem about the word love once, anyhow, I use it too much and have inflated it so that now it is become unuseful in its deflated state. I want to simply say " I love reese's. " but aside from the ET jokes i must use another more neglected word, to be fair. I esteem them, and find great pleasure in their consumption.
Here's the story: I bought a picture from ebay and put it on my wall. my daughter saw it and said who is that? I said, "oh, it's Tal Bachman. I love him." I meant that I esteem him and his thoughts and use the poster to remind me of who I can become, buut my daughter went home to her dad and told him that I had a picture ofmy boyfriend on my wall, innocently when he asked about my posters i told him that I had a poster og Tal on my wall, that's when things got escalated. It lead to accusations of adultry even, with something so harmless, but to Brandall, he always felt threatened by my obsession with musicians, Namely Tal and Kevin Montgomery. he even told my parents that I only married him because he looked like Tal. ok, being fair, Tal Bachman is very attractive, but if he were dog ugly I wouldn't care. IT is his mind and such that interests me, and his keen use of talent. I see him as a kindred spirit. I know to alot of you, it seems like a delusion, but I only think he got lucky. I do not esteem his talent over my own. I do not belittle myself to hero worship him, only I see his sucess as what mine could've been. oh, I digress.
I am going to try to not take the easy route and say love, I'll show deeper appreciation by generating my own words no, not new words, to describe how I feel about things.
here are two songs for appreciation if you are still trying to understand what I mean:
Here's the story: I bought a picture from ebay and put it on my wall. my daughter saw it and said who is that? I said, "oh, it's Tal Bachman. I love him." I meant that I esteem him and his thoughts and use the poster to remind me of who I can become, buut my daughter went home to her dad and told him that I had a picture ofmy boyfriend on my wall, innocently when he asked about my posters i told him that I had a poster og Tal on my wall, that's when things got escalated. It lead to accusations of adultry even, with something so harmless, but to Brandall, he always felt threatened by my obsession with musicians, Namely Tal and Kevin Montgomery. he even told my parents that I only married him because he looked like Tal. ok, being fair, Tal Bachman is very attractive, but if he were dog ugly I wouldn't care. IT is his mind and such that interests me, and his keen use of talent. I see him as a kindred spirit. I know to alot of you, it seems like a delusion, but I only think he got lucky. I do not esteem his talent over my own. I do not belittle myself to hero worship him, only I see his sucess as what mine could've been. oh, I digress.
I am going to try to not take the easy route and say love, I'll show deeper appreciation by generating my own words no, not new words, to describe how I feel about things.
here are two songs for appreciation if you are still trying to understand what I mean:
Friday, January 23, 2009
Twilight
I was side-tracked by Nickelback, but as I listened to the Audio book Twilight, ok crud, let me write down this old song before I get started:
Its the sunrise of my life.
It's the dawn of yet to be for me.
It's a time for reaching high.
ok, that's it, I just had to type that so it didn't bother me anymore.
I have been contemplating alot of things, te one I wish to verbalize, on the internet, has to do with Matt Smith. Probably, I ought to keep it to myself, but the novel had a way of letting you in on "omnicient secerets" then coyly saying that they spoke otherwise, it was mostly because Edward Cullen could read her thoughts anyway, so acting did no good.
ok, I act like I do not care much for him, and have only loved him as a friend, when I actually could have done otherwise. Now, I will tell the magical story of how I found him the second time. Though each time was magical!
ok, I worked at Pizza hut in Corinth and my boss wanted to do a "food swap" with China Palace. ok, let me explain, this is as it sounds. two corporations who sell food make a deal and exchange food with eachother. This is a thing greatly appreciated by employees. ok, Matt, had worked there during college, and my heart raced to think of him actually being there. I went into the cooler to say a little prayer, and it dawned on me to mention his name to my employer. he asked about Matt and was told that he had left. this bewildered me because he was supposedly going to marry a girl who lived in Corith and got him the job, I think. oh well.
I was fillipantly told that he moved to Memphis, so I called my best friend, LeAnne Smith and told her the news. I was not sure how she would take the news, but she agreed to call directory assistance for me. she asked his name, and strangely, i remembered his full name, which is not typical. anyway, she found his number and arranged to meet up with him at some strange parkinglot, err gas station. so off we went and the rest is history. lots of kickers I really ought to have included, like that he moved to Oxford after I left and is now in Nashville. oh, he is a hoot.
I lost him again shortly after his birthday when he went to go live with his best friend's girlfriend, Jackie, in Austin, TX.
thought are flooding in faster than I could possibly record them, sorry. My fingers cannot keep up with my thoughts since the stint in the hospital, as I will call it. I can type with mt right hand. on TV a guy asked, are you right handed. answer was yes, then the interrogator beat his hand with a baseball bat and said, "It's a shame. Guess you're going to have to learn to use your left hand."
anyway, I have gained insight here that will allow me to be happy now, when I wouldn'y have before. my question was: What's good enough for now might not be good enough forever. a thought inspired by the book/movie Twilight.
I admit to understand Bella all to well. I too have felt that in love and loved washington, and been uprooted, and to seattle and port Orchard, another story for another time. I'm seeing potential chapters here.
ok, I better go get my stuff done.
Its the sunrise of my life.
It's the dawn of yet to be for me.
It's a time for reaching high.
ok, that's it, I just had to type that so it didn't bother me anymore.
I have been contemplating alot of things, te one I wish to verbalize, on the internet, has to do with Matt Smith. Probably, I ought to keep it to myself, but the novel had a way of letting you in on "omnicient secerets" then coyly saying that they spoke otherwise, it was mostly because Edward Cullen could read her thoughts anyway, so acting did no good.
ok, I act like I do not care much for him, and have only loved him as a friend, when I actually could have done otherwise. Now, I will tell the magical story of how I found him the second time. Though each time was magical!
ok, I worked at Pizza hut in Corinth and my boss wanted to do a "food swap" with China Palace. ok, let me explain, this is as it sounds. two corporations who sell food make a deal and exchange food with eachother. This is a thing greatly appreciated by employees. ok, Matt, had worked there during college, and my heart raced to think of him actually being there. I went into the cooler to say a little prayer, and it dawned on me to mention his name to my employer. he asked about Matt and was told that he had left. this bewildered me because he was supposedly going to marry a girl who lived in Corith and got him the job, I think. oh well.
I was fillipantly told that he moved to Memphis, so I called my best friend, LeAnne Smith and told her the news. I was not sure how she would take the news, but she agreed to call directory assistance for me. she asked his name, and strangely, i remembered his full name, which is not typical. anyway, she found his number and arranged to meet up with him at some strange parkinglot, err gas station. so off we went and the rest is history. lots of kickers I really ought to have included, like that he moved to Oxford after I left and is now in Nashville. oh, he is a hoot.
I lost him again shortly after his birthday when he went to go live with his best friend's girlfriend, Jackie, in Austin, TX.
thought are flooding in faster than I could possibly record them, sorry. My fingers cannot keep up with my thoughts since the stint in the hospital, as I will call it. I can type with mt right hand. on TV a guy asked, are you right handed. answer was yes, then the interrogator beat his hand with a baseball bat and said, "It's a shame. Guess you're going to have to learn to use your left hand."
anyway, I have gained insight here that will allow me to be happy now, when I wouldn'y have before. my question was: What's good enough for now might not be good enough forever. a thought inspired by the book/movie Twilight.
I admit to understand Bella all to well. I too have felt that in love and loved washington, and been uprooted, and to seattle and port Orchard, another story for another time. I'm seeing potential chapters here.
ok, I better go get my stuff done.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
2009
Actually, today is Nick's Birthday, and I will remember it as the day that I had the worst headache imagineable, lots of things like resolutions are floating around in my thoughts, just brushing against my perceptions casing smirks then disappearing into what is my whole concept of being, so they do effect me but will not be spoken of directly in this post.
As I was praying very seriously almost in lamentful way because the guy I was obsessed with is married and that ought to be happy, huh? then, bam! I thought, haven't I gotten everything I wanted? well, yeah, guess I have, rather I have gotten everything I needed, just haven't been too lofty about my wants. except for cash. I would really like to have enought money only to do the things that I desire. I have this crazy idea that a job will do this for me, but now I understand something great! let me try to explain. Joy isn't purchased. oh, wow! who doesn't know that? no it goes farther just ask Annie Lennox: "Money can't buy it. Sex csan't buy it." I get what I need by doing what is right.
I think if I took a job then I wouldn't be learning as much because I would be a bit more self-sufficient whereas I am learning a great deal more in relying on others for help. If my goal was to be self-sufficient, then I would do so, but that isnot my goal, it is the goal others place before me cause they think that I am too stupid to know what I want. the best explination was that it was important that I become a contributing member of society. someone organized and runs this society, so I would be doing what they think is best.
My place is right here. Nick was bewidered and asked me the otherday, "why don't you smile more?" he has a point. but I said it was because I wasn't happy. he further prodded, "What else do you need to be happy?" I think, um, maybe my voice and a piano, but all I said was a car. ha said that can be taken catre of as soon as I get a job. ok, I am good at means to and end stuff. so I figured, life is good, like nathaniel Hawethorne, I'll improve on goodness (birthmark). I'll get a joob so that I can get a car, but is it just me or if I get a job, I can get my own car, etc anyway.
then this week I had three interviews and also read lots of news flashes about how terrible our economy is doing and Utah declared a freeze on hiring. oh well, god is most powerful. It doesn't scare me. if I was imntended to get a job, it would happen, like sarah having a child in her old age, nothing is impossible.
But then a flash!
I have a warm home, food, internet, everything really, it is only because I am selfishly discontent that I do not laugh a little. I am making so much progress. I can walk and run! and play wii. I ought to go ice skating! I giggled a little, i need to be focusing on things that I can do for others not what I would do if oniy...
I am still obessed with Chad Kroeger, not the real person, but the idea. I'll recreate him in Nick's person, perfection! i also have a grand new idea of something I am going to accomplish, so just contemplating it makes me smile. guess I ought to get back to crocheting an Afghan for nick, he'll be here too soon.
As I was praying very seriously almost in lamentful way because the guy I was obsessed with is married and that ought to be happy, huh? then, bam! I thought, haven't I gotten everything I wanted? well, yeah, guess I have, rather I have gotten everything I needed, just haven't been too lofty about my wants. except for cash. I would really like to have enought money only to do the things that I desire. I have this crazy idea that a job will do this for me, but now I understand something great! let me try to explain. Joy isn't purchased. oh, wow! who doesn't know that? no it goes farther just ask Annie Lennox: "Money can't buy it. Sex csan't buy it." I get what I need by doing what is right.
I think if I took a job then I wouldn't be learning as much because I would be a bit more self-sufficient whereas I am learning a great deal more in relying on others for help. If my goal was to be self-sufficient, then I would do so, but that isnot my goal, it is the goal others place before me cause they think that I am too stupid to know what I want. the best explination was that it was important that I become a contributing member of society. someone organized and runs this society, so I would be doing what they think is best.
My place is right here. Nick was bewidered and asked me the otherday, "why don't you smile more?" he has a point. but I said it was because I wasn't happy. he further prodded, "What else do you need to be happy?" I think, um, maybe my voice and a piano, but all I said was a car. ha said that can be taken catre of as soon as I get a job. ok, I am good at means to and end stuff. so I figured, life is good, like nathaniel Hawethorne, I'll improve on goodness (birthmark). I'll get a joob so that I can get a car, but is it just me or if I get a job, I can get my own car, etc anyway.
then this week I had three interviews and also read lots of news flashes about how terrible our economy is doing and Utah declared a freeze on hiring. oh well, god is most powerful. It doesn't scare me. if I was imntended to get a job, it would happen, like sarah having a child in her old age, nothing is impossible.
But then a flash!
I have a warm home, food, internet, everything really, it is only because I am selfishly discontent that I do not laugh a little. I am making so much progress. I can walk and run! and play wii. I ought to go ice skating! I giggled a little, i need to be focusing on things that I can do for others not what I would do if oniy...
I am still obessed with Chad Kroeger, not the real person, but the idea. I'll recreate him in Nick's person, perfection! i also have a grand new idea of something I am going to accomplish, so just contemplating it makes me smile. guess I ought to get back to crocheting an Afghan for nick, he'll be here too soon.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Love
It bewilders me. the thought resounds more frequrntly than I care to admit, but am I even capable of love? I like to play the game of if I could be anywhere doing anything what would I be doing? then once that is solved I only need to excercise patience and it will happen.
I love Brandall, but the likliness of him eer falling in love with me is foolish.
I had an extremely weird idea that I cannot speak of or type, only in riddles, as unsatisfying as that is, it would be like blasphemy, but I know nothing that's the stem of my problem, how to turn faith into knowledge and still be alive.
I think that I'm not supposed to know, If God is all-knowing and then he knows what I would think and feel, and can know how I will act. I believe that he loves me completely, so I want to please him, so what's the prpblem? easy: will I ever know love? or should I just keep trying? in life I tak test and do not leave answers blank cause I don't know but guess and learn more by searching to know. si If I apply that... Is there somebody? is Brandall still the one for me or ought I try to love another? Could I? hmmm
I love Brandall, but the likliness of him eer falling in love with me is foolish.
I had an extremely weird idea that I cannot speak of or type, only in riddles, as unsatisfying as that is, it would be like blasphemy, but I know nothing that's the stem of my problem, how to turn faith into knowledge and still be alive.
I think that I'm not supposed to know, If God is all-knowing and then he knows what I would think and feel, and can know how I will act. I believe that he loves me completely, so I want to please him, so what's the prpblem? easy: will I ever know love? or should I just keep trying? in life I tak test and do not leave answers blank cause I don't know but guess and learn more by searching to know. si If I apply that... Is there somebody? is Brandall still the one for me or ought I try to love another? Could I? hmmm
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Gotta be somebody - Nickelback
I was very happy with my life, until I decided to listen to more Nickelback music and the thought keeps filling my head that I love Brandall, and am glad to not be divorced cause I would end up sealed to someone else for eternity.
the still small voice tells me that I am alive for a rreason, and things are happening for my best, as always, I just need to quit any selfish will whatsoever and realize that my part must be played and if it is, and I do my job the way I have been taught and prepared that I will ultimately be rewarded.
I just want out of here right now, but I have been taught to not let what I want "Right now" get in the way of my ultimate needs, I also think on the fact that there is often alot of rihgt choices but one will be the best, sounds like I need to reevaluate my life and pray harder, and be willing to do whatever is needed. I switched from being or feeling like Job to feeling like Jonah, sure he tried to escape, so did Christ, but, "the ways of god will not be frustrated."
I want to be me and do what is right for me and see where that leads me. I want to find that I am with "somebody" forever that I love whatever that is. "I will know it by the feeling."
the still small voice tells me that I am alive for a rreason, and things are happening for my best, as always, I just need to quit any selfish will whatsoever and realize that my part must be played and if it is, and I do my job the way I have been taught and prepared that I will ultimately be rewarded.
I just want out of here right now, but I have been taught to not let what I want "Right now" get in the way of my ultimate needs, I also think on the fact that there is often alot of rihgt choices but one will be the best, sounds like I need to reevaluate my life and pray harder, and be willing to do whatever is needed. I switched from being or feeling like Job to feeling like Jonah, sure he tried to escape, so did Christ, but, "the ways of god will not be frustrated."
I want to be me and do what is right for me and see where that leads me. I want to find that I am with "somebody" forever that I love whatever that is. "I will know it by the feeling."
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Salt Lake City - the rest of the story...
Ok, I havent been officially there yet, but I'm planning on finding a place to live there, though I love the kids there are things that I should like to do that cannot be done with them peeping or with all the little "onlookers" as we call them.
ok, now why did I choose to write? to tell the story of What was I thinking that I asked on twitter the otherday, since I promised to tell a story "pure fiction" ofcourse. So here goes:
I realized at 4 am that I had a camera oh, wait the story deepens, like Tolkein said the good ones do... cool.Why was I up at 4 am? sick, no bad dream, now unable to sleep due to longing and confusion, that had built up in my mind to the point where it began flooding into my spirit and drowning me so I woke up gasping for air, that waswhen I realized that Nick's laptop had a camera. though I just told kenny it was no worth playing on cause it was slow and didn't have a microphone, so he went and brought me one. Pych, did you actually believe this? looser!
I was sleeping in the Toy room cause everyone knows how much I love to play with toys, I decided to use them as props, but then decided not to, sorry Matt. Great Scott!
ok, so I was really thinking that I wanted guys to reassure me that I wasn't a hideous beast and my job issues were somehow the fault of the economy, that will be changed by Obama, yet, in this "preObama" toy room. I got the idea that I could take a picture of me at my worst and if no one commented then I was ugly and they were heeding the old saying ,"If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all." but if they did comment favorably on such a current picture, though wretched, I could regain my self esyeem and conquer yet another part of this silly Brain infection. sure my ballance stinks, but I will continue to improve, besides pictures do not show ballance issues, and Nick promised that he did think thaty I was attractive and "perfect" and quite frankly he isn't a liar. oh who the heck is Frank Lee and how is it he constantly finds a place in my stpries, eh?
ok, that was more fact than fiction, but I found myself preoccupied today and unable to create such a good story and so I rush to wite this and go to bed. before nick logs in to this computer remotely again to "onlook" himself. sounds intriging, huh?
not really. but hey, who am I to judge what interests you?
ok, now why did I choose to write? to tell the story of What was I thinking that I asked on twitter the otherday, since I promised to tell a story "pure fiction" ofcourse. So here goes:
I realized at 4 am that I had a camera oh, wait the story deepens, like Tolkein said the good ones do... cool.Why was I up at 4 am? sick, no bad dream, now unable to sleep due to longing and confusion, that had built up in my mind to the point where it began flooding into my spirit and drowning me so I woke up gasping for air, that waswhen I realized that Nick's laptop had a camera. though I just told kenny it was no worth playing on cause it was slow and didn't have a microphone, so he went and brought me one. Pych, did you actually believe this? looser!
I was sleeping in the Toy room cause everyone knows how much I love to play with toys, I decided to use them as props, but then decided not to, sorry Matt. Great Scott!
ok, so I was really thinking that I wanted guys to reassure me that I wasn't a hideous beast and my job issues were somehow the fault of the economy, that will be changed by Obama, yet, in this "preObama" toy room. I got the idea that I could take a picture of me at my worst and if no one commented then I was ugly and they were heeding the old saying ,"If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all." but if they did comment favorably on such a current picture, though wretched, I could regain my self esyeem and conquer yet another part of this silly Brain infection. sure my ballance stinks, but I will continue to improve, besides pictures do not show ballance issues, and Nick promised that he did think thaty I was attractive and "perfect" and quite frankly he isn't a liar. oh who the heck is Frank Lee and how is it he constantly finds a place in my stpries, eh?
ok, that was more fact than fiction, but I found myself preoccupied today and unable to create such a good story and so I rush to wite this and go to bed. before nick logs in to this computer remotely again to "onlook" himself. sounds intriging, huh?
not really. but hey, who am I to judge what interests you?
Monday, October 20, 2008
my past
I was a bright young scientist. ok, that is how I fancied myself, really I was just a distance running Music major. I attended collgeg at the University of Mississippi and realized that I wanted to see the world, so I drove out west. I ended up working for boeing in Washington doing hardwaresupport under the IBM/Microserve Contract. though I was actually a TSS Employee oh! it was confusing. I worked mostly on HP Plotters and Dell desktops.I was a feild engineer/ hero in my old 1983 silver 240 turbo Volvo sedan. I ate primarily Gardettos and listened to alot of Mlan and Morrissey (or the Smiths) as I drove around Kent & Auburn.
I got a job doing software support for MIcrosoft via Keanne/Staffmark, and moved to Renton and worked in bellevue. I met Brandall in Nashville. who was a sound recording major at some school in Texas. I drove to Nashville to work as a TEchnical trainer at Athena Computer Learning center, and Met and married Brandall. the I got sick after two healthy pregnancies. my third I was taken to three hospitals and no one could figure out what was wrong. it ends up, I had histoplasmosis that when I got pregnant it got into my nervous system. I still have Ballance/coordination issues. Brandall dumped me at my parents house in Mississippi, where I lived for a while until I decided that I was an adult and ought to take care of myself, something brandall obviously wasn't going to do.
my son was born early after two miscarriages, he also had open heart surgery. but is strong and well. It is my goal to find peace in life again. sure I accept that I'm not ugly or fat. but I am not a supernmodel and I do not even have a goos reason for wanting to be one, I'm still working on that.
I have learned, most importantly, that we develop other skills in place of what we loose, as a coping technique. I feel quite fortunate to be alive and able to walk, breathe eat, etc. there really ought not to be room in my thoughts for wanting to be beautiful, but I do. when I look around I see that I'm already cuter than most people, but For some reason I'm not satisfied.
one of my dear friends said that was what made me so good at things, my unacceptance of mediocrity. I admit feeling like I always have to be the best. oh well.
anyway that is a pretty good summaratation of me. If I was creating a fiction. I would've developed my chracter better, but this is just an honest to goodness history.
now, I live in Utah where I am very happy, and feel like I belong. all I need is to be divorced now so I can get custody of my children and raise a family the right way. I'm currenty taking notes.
I am very much in love with Nicholas Holden, though he probably doubts such, but that's of no conseqiuence because I know he really likes me and I technically am still married anyway. like I said, everything is going to work out for the best. I see myself being healthy and strong again and others will doubt such a horriffic tale, though at times, truth can be stranger than fiction.
I got a job doing software support for MIcrosoft via Keanne/Staffmark, and moved to Renton and worked in bellevue. I met Brandall in Nashville. who was a sound recording major at some school in Texas. I drove to Nashville to work as a TEchnical trainer at Athena Computer Learning center, and Met and married Brandall. the I got sick after two healthy pregnancies. my third I was taken to three hospitals and no one could figure out what was wrong. it ends up, I had histoplasmosis that when I got pregnant it got into my nervous system. I still have Ballance/coordination issues. Brandall dumped me at my parents house in Mississippi, where I lived for a while until I decided that I was an adult and ought to take care of myself, something brandall obviously wasn't going to do.
my son was born early after two miscarriages, he also had open heart surgery. but is strong and well. It is my goal to find peace in life again. sure I accept that I'm not ugly or fat. but I am not a supernmodel and I do not even have a goos reason for wanting to be one, I'm still working on that.
I have learned, most importantly, that we develop other skills in place of what we loose, as a coping technique. I feel quite fortunate to be alive and able to walk, breathe eat, etc. there really ought not to be room in my thoughts for wanting to be beautiful, but I do. when I look around I see that I'm already cuter than most people, but For some reason I'm not satisfied.
one of my dear friends said that was what made me so good at things, my unacceptance of mediocrity. I admit feeling like I always have to be the best. oh well.
anyway that is a pretty good summaratation of me. If I was creating a fiction. I would've developed my chracter better, but this is just an honest to goodness history.
now, I live in Utah where I am very happy, and feel like I belong. all I need is to be divorced now so I can get custody of my children and raise a family the right way. I'm currenty taking notes.
I am very much in love with Nicholas Holden, though he probably doubts such, but that's of no conseqiuence because I know he really likes me and I technically am still married anyway. like I said, everything is going to work out for the best. I see myself being healthy and strong again and others will doubt such a horriffic tale, though at times, truth can be stranger than fiction.
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