Iceland - contnued

 I had been trying to figure out what attracted me abut each country so that I could settle in on a purpose. And the main contenders, though all equal in allure, still lacked one thing, and that was being a frontier, and I just could not escape the idea that despite perfections and great people achieving great things, the important thing to me about ancestry is the stories of those who lived that we can learn, and thereby stand on their shoulders.

The early latter-day saints offer many stories of conviction and endurance and conviction, as does the story of Moses and his pioneer saints, in fact I have often heard Brigham Young likened unto Moses, the thing that is strikingly common is that to actually perfect their way of life escape was required. Is there something to that? I instantly thought of Enya's song about the place of no frontier, even my great grandfather tried to find one in Alaska, huh? why? and there is my answer.

It started for me in realizing commonalities in languages that I probably imagined there, but I knew one thing wanderlust is powerful and I was not wrong in thinking about why. Even the American Indians sought refuge in a frontier, well, maybe there are no more, hence the growing interest in colonizing other habital planets, this is the point I thought again on Iceland.

Maybe being so frigid and isolated by water has kept the population down. technically I would not be undoing anything ancestors fought that I might have. They never lived there, plus, what I can tell from the oral history or Sagas that the population is pretty much half Scottish and half Scandinavian. Love it! Any my perfect little Norway is usually the deceptive enemy, that fit's too.

There is no escaping that life in Iceland would be extremely difficult, but in comparison, it would be sooo much easier than colonizing, let's say, Titan. And maybe, that was a little privy conversation I never heard where my Greatgrandfather decided to try isolation by cold, volcanic location...

A combination of things

 I just had this realization that could only happen in the way it did, in the specific order of thoughts that would trigger a chain reaction of thoughts that I am not going to retrace because I would get lost in doing so. The point of explaining them is that Truly, I did not think to orchestrate the realization, but it would have only been possible to "engineer" if a person truly knew what I was thinking.

Ok, so this morning we were studying on those poor Saints who were trying their hardest to obey what they believed was best only to sacrifice everything to move to the middle of nowhere, but perfectly arranged, almost a miracle, they were saved and taken in and given a home/land by this dude, Lyman Copely. They must have been so relieved and knew the command came from God because they were cared for after their sort of blind, hopeful, sacrifice. Then, this Copely guy renigs and kicks them off of his land, after making promises to them. Imagine how upset they would be. My kids said, they probably wanted to kill him or something. Think about their faith though! Here, this huge blessing from God was being taken...uh, maybe it wasn't from God? Either way, they get another message from God and the first thing he says to instruct/comfort them is repent. Huh? Then, he instructs them on where and how and when to go somewhere else. But, Joe kept clinging to the fact that breaking a promise was very bad, but it was not their business, God would take care of that. 

Years ago, I got a book from a neighbor about how God will fight our battles. I see the concept, but doubt I really grasp that concept yet. There are things that are supposed to "fall through" cause men have their choices and that must be respected. It is not our job to make sure things are just, we cannot reward or punish sufficiently and need to repent of that sort of thinking. It is our duty to become and live the sort of life that would help things come to pass as they should, and so we can pray for guidance and it WILL be given. And though not everyone will decide the best things, if we trust that God not only knows us, but knows them and still let them go and be turned away like that, he probably had a purpose. That is as hard for me to digest as was the way Alma had to just not intervene when anyone who he had taught believed him was thrown into a fire. but, people need to make their choices...that's what it always boils down to.

Iceland

 Ok, I figured out how I was matching so many Icelandic folk genetically through my habitual watching of YouTube videos (ok. let's just be honest, I was being obsessive) but, during one video in particular, I was starting to feel a connection to the landscape. Now, I realize that no video recreation comes close to capturing the sensation of being there, but I felt a renewed attachment to this frigid landscape that I do not feel when viewing  Scotland or Norway, in all of their beauty. Although, I had no actual ties to Iceland I could not dismiss my attachment. So, as I listened to ancient sagas at one point it was described how the early settlers were mostly Irish Scottish Women and Norse men. Ah hah! I am Scottish on my mom's side and Scandinavian on my dad's side, no wonder I share detected genetic similarities.

I determined that I would renew my attempts to learn the Icelandic language, maybe just to write a good ballad for a saga or two. As I did, I noticed a strange thing. beyond any other language I had learned or excelled at, The very alphabet just felt good and natural, it seems like the way I ought to speak. I hope I still feel that way a year or so from now.....well, I really did like Scottish Gaelic as well, but the impression caused my speaking it did not cause the same sensation

In Spanish I just give up in trying to roll my r's. In Hebrew, though it sounds so beautiful, the most beautiful actually, just say the word Shalom, see? Peaceful, huh? Anyhow, I struggle with the ch sound you know, the phlegmy sound. Oh another story! when I was in Belgium, a girl was helping me learn Flemish by pointing at an object. I would say the word in English and she would say it in Flemish, and then French, and lastly in German. The funny thing was when we got to the word Sticker. She pointed, I said "Sticker". She nodded and said, "Sticcc(clearthroat)ccker", after which my laughter covered anything else she said, confused she asked what was wrong. I simply said that I understood now why it is called Flemish. Anyhow, so in Icelandic, I got to the letter "r" and without any worry or stress rolled my r perfectly as if it were completely natural to me! I cannot wait to be able to speak and sing in Elfish, uh, Icelandic!

Wow!

 Just Wow! This is a rabbit hole I could build a home in and enjoy living there. It is the Genetic code and it's role in determining humanity. I remember my biology teacher telling us how exciting the Genome project was because they were going to map out and sequence every single allele in human DNA.

I finally got one of those DNA analysis thingys done, and have been studying it, to kill time, initially because I had no other thing to do, but, now it is because I want to. It fascinates me how simple information summed up by GATorC call tell each cell what to do, I guess it makes perfect sense to people who realize that AI or computers only have two choices, and yet, they are at times considered lifelike.

, ok enough generalities...I noticed in my sequence of Genes a very odd tendency of Allele duplication, in many cases resulting in a recessive trait from two dominant parents. Now, this may be the norm, but I think it is a little wink. I will now have a purpose for knowing others DNA if  only to see if it is most common for Alleles to "twin". I will explain with an simple phenotype of eyecolor.

In a scenario where A+G =brown and T+G=green and G+G=Blue and A+ anything appears brown

It was considered a simple dominant/recessive thing, which propelled me into further research because my mother had the dominant color of brown  But, really, It is a matter of having a sequence to produce certain pigment amounts, and because her sequence included an allele to produce a lot of it, and one to not produce it, and my dad didn't contribute any then statistically, I had a fifty/fifty chance of getting a color other than blue, but because my genes tend to match, the only option to match would be to have two Alleles that are recessive. As with many traits,  I end up with a "recessive" which seems impossible in the old way of thinking about it, but perfect sense if Allele matching is the most common thing to do...It would be like a matter of finding a common denominator between parents which in many cases results in a less likely expression, in terms of dominant/recessive.

To sum up. I will be spending a whole lot of time studying this and loving it!

I am more cautious

 It is noticable that people slow down with age, but it is becoming more and more notable to me how much more time a simple thought takes. A video I watched about/by Norwegians made that comment about Americans. Americans seem to live fast, think fast, act fast.... they thought it might be a lack of recognizing the importance of considering. because my thoughts do not come as quickly, I notice particulars that mattered practically not at all to me, like using Euphemisms and pronouns when not speaking to people face to face, much of what I am communicating is lost and I like to consider each phrase at least three or four ways to avoid unintentionally saying something to offend. I think that trait comes with age... or maybe maturity

things I know

 I don't know much, but that I absolutely love music and playing the piano in particular.

I love to run.

Neither which I can do, and although many years and lies have tried to settle in the void, it remains true that I need to play the piano. And when I see a field I feel the strongest urge to get up and run, though to what purpose I have never known, and that fact that I lacked a purpose has kept me from accomplishing.

No more.

It was solidified by a few comments about what is undeniably our heritage, there are things that I could not figure out, and yet, I know them, un phased by discoveries that eventually prove what I already knew.

for a second I will not speak in generalities and say that I was watching a historical movie and it produced an emotional response, and I started crying. Uh, so what, that is the aim of Hollywood, right? Well, It wasn't anything particularly emotional it was more of a sensation of remembering. Then the idea in my mind was, "Remember this reaction." I was not crying because I was sad, it was like a baby cries because they do not know how else to communicate. "When you get close to knowing anything you will feel this way".. Instant reaction? uh uh, I am not one of those weepy people. Beauty or happiness doesn't bring me to tears.... then nothing. Ok, so what do I know? I know that I enjoy playing the piano and running for no reason.

It has something to do with need

 I recall around 2003 hearing many complaints regarding credit scams and in particular pay day loans, on review that managed to seem legitimate was about how payday loan companies seek out a thrive on peoples who are low income sorts living paycheck to paycheck. Though it seems wrong to target the needy, I see it all the time, most scams are not even trying to appeal to the rich but they instead target the hard working type who are honest and forthright, but merely having an unlucky time financially. The scammers will get your information when you need help the most thy will suck what few pennies they can here and there, or none at all. I used to be weary of internet security companies, and other would be able to vouch for them, well, duh, that is a true scam, base your scam on trust, on the show LOST the episode called "The Long Con" comes to mind. The point that I wanted to make was that it seems like t he more desperate you need help the more likely you are to be scammed, and the only explanation for it liked (I like the explanation not the scam) was that no one is going to steal your money when you do not have any. they will steal your information and keep it on hold to use when they have the opportunity.

It is the same thing that C.S.Lewis said about pain, and I have heard many spiritually based explanations for the concept of Pain or Need being a gift if we recognize our motivation and what we are moving toward.  My kids will be home soon, better go... didn't accomplish much today. :( but at least I had a nice chat with my son, though, technically he ought to have been focused on school, huh? dear me. It seems I only win for loosing.

Hit me like a ton of bricks

 Likely it is obvious to nearly everyone else who has thought of such things, but I just realized that the Tudor dynasty is the Plantagenet dynasty, well, duh, you say, but soooooo much becomes clear with that realization, i mean, use your big brain and think about it,What is a Plantagenet Hardly a name for a person. and flowers are so significant...  "A wizard never arrives late, but exactly when he means to".

Of course it's wrong, you're right

 As I was watching The Chosen last night I felt so bad for Nathaniel, and it reminded me how so many people get disillusioned at a realization that doesn't fit with what they believe. I felt particularly bad for Nathaniel because he was so sincere, and I only realized it today when I was watching the movie "The King" when the young prince Hal said that people who ought to have been his brothers were his enemies, and his brother misunderstood what he was doing to save his life and so he persisted in loosing it, pursuing his own agenda. ok, back to Nathaniel. It was because of his honest desire and ability to comprehend that he was allowed to fail. I will have rewatch to see exactly the words said by Phillip regarding the entirely different way that Jesus intended things. Today, I Instantly, like a flash, understood that divine kings, Jewish temples, are all way that our Father hopes to gather us back to him because he loves us. I was reading another book weeks ago called "The Biblical Clock" where is was presented that everything we perceive is a lie and an unknowable one, sort of how double blind surveys are used to find an unbiased truth. The point was that dishonesty (what is was called) was a vehicle for loving us. and I got it, sure things are sometimes figured out as untrue, but as a guy in a video years ago said about a thing people were proving to be entirely false, but years and years or tradition rested on it's supposed veracity, he said, " a Thing doesn't need to be factual to be true." That's it! The when things start to falter a new lie takes it's place, but the underlying truth still remains. Likewise, There have been things here and there that I simply could not reconcile, so what? There are other things I cannot deny. I had wondered before at the fact that my lens by the way I comprehend truth is not truth and when I saw how Nathaniel was preserved then I felt better and I had actually been purposefully given the understand of things as they are for a reason, and it was always known that I would do the best that I could and I will.

Not sure if I ever stated it clearly, so here goes: Sometimes, the best thing to help unite people is a king, sometimes it is a prophet, sometimes an oracle, but something never changes.

forcing myself to be productive

 well, it is an appropriate time to type out my thoughts, being as I could not connect to the internet which I fully intended to be doing right now, because I am missing my class while I wait for Joseph. That is fine, only I will not be able to be making dinner eithe. that will likely be a good thing for most of my family because it means frozen pizza.

 

I am thinking about caterpillars alot right now, because it is a perfcct metaphor for the change our whole society is going through right now, most notablyon an economical level, but socia, too, I had been watching many Kabbalarian videos where the discussion was pointed towards noticing the hardships in our existance, but giving them a purpose or a name. 

Today in Sacrament meeting our bishop also mentioned calling this transition or hardship Development. It reminded me of that same truth where blessings or whatever you want to call them, come after a trial or period of suffering. In videos I saw hardship is not necessary unless a person is very egocentric. It comes to mind what C.S.Lewis said regarding pain, how it is necessary in that it causes an action.

My thoughts are currently trying to package the idea that there is not any space. I already figured out tha ther could not be any time, in "reality" butit has been suggested that there is no space either. All things arein one and the only way to explain them is by distiguishing them or making them, which is like that little teaching example that is gven to present the concepts of quantum physics, where anobject is everywhere untilit is marked as having been somewhere...but, when marking a thing, it does not mean it is not simultaneously elsewhere as well.... so assert there is no time, then of course everything fills the same space. I am trying to understand tht there is actually no space either, that would solve the paradox,I hate that basically says that you could never touch anything because you would naturally need to reach a half way mark...infiniti.

Now, I am thinking about Fractals and what my kids call "Infinite loops" where children on a grassy hill are looking at a book of children on a grassy  hill looking at a book. My son pointed one out in his scriptures...Anywhere it says the first shall be last..., that would make them first thenlast, then first, then last, forever. It would be better to just be in  the middle, huh? But saying that makes me think of the epistles of Paul where he likens certain people to being lukewarm and good for nothing.  So, doesn't that create another fractal? we want to be best or worse only to become the first which is the last..... or remember the teaching about sitting lower that you would be raised up.... maybe take that back to the first thought about "development" pains. it seems like there is an order and the closer we get to it the less we need transitions. It's like how people want to be humble, but they do not want to be humbled. But, "the meek and humble inherit the earth", no? Butterflies.

Am I supposed to remember?

 I wake up deep in thoughts that are generally musical, I understand things that make no sense, and still I try and try because I feel this feeling that I get from time to time, and I want to remember but I only can recall a word here or there and I research all day hoping that it will lead me to a break through. What am i supposed to remember and why does it matter and who am I supposed to tell... oh! Even now i am thinking in some old lyrics (the fact that they are old supports my idea that not as much time has passed as I thought, if time is really change- I had an old notebook from college where I understood that each melodic interval was related to a heavenly body and they were meant to be harmonic meaning I could decrease the separation by playing the intervals at once...but that was a side-track I wrote DELTA (triangle) = time and a few pages earlier it said without change we sleep)

WHAT?

Now, I am thinking about the film "Somewhere in Time" and the watch. My mom asked me that question, and I never could answer it either: Where did the watch come from? Richard went back in time and gave it to Elise who gave it to him before dying and whispered, "Come back to me". ok, so, great story, but where did the stinking watch come from?

Another thought I had about Vienna and Joseph II was, I wonder if being artistically enlightened played a role in social evolution... or hold that thought to consider how change is related evolution... I was thinking about Voltaire then, if Beethoven was influenced by Shakespeare. OFCOURSE, You can feel the same, um, genius? emanating from them.

haha ha ha I was curious if William Shakespeare was a short as Beethoven, and the first hit snapped me bac to our "Modern" issues of finding answers everywhere but none of them trustworthy, as it stated that Shakespeare was 6'4". I wanted multiple opinions, and the second said they had tried to find a receipt from a tailor or maybe his casket dimensions, but, ultimately decided the lack od evidence tells all we need to know. He was neither notably short or tall, surely it would have been commented.

Spirituality thought

 It just hit me how odd it is that we are upset with false information like we deserve the truth or something, and yet, what we call the truth, is the very thing spirituality and science declare is false anyhow, so what exactly is it that so many feel entitled to? Lately, I have been listening to Kabbalistic perspectives on what is and among many teachings that fit so perfectly with Mormonism that I had to look up Joseph Smith's relationship with Kabbalah, but entwined in those teachings is one main one that closely resembles the Matrix. If we are unable to perceive things as they are, further we seek (thus change to move towards a goal) fulfillment and that fulfillment allows greater perspective (more simply said - we are motivated by selfish desires) and all of the pain we experience is just part of trying to reconcile things that evidentially do not fit our picture of how it is. It seems to me that it is like we are being blatantly lied to so that we even gain the perspective that is required. I short, It is similar to how the serpent thought he was thwarting everything by beguiling, it actually became the means (or motivation) to push things into place. I bet Adam and Eve felt so betrayed and upset and upset to be forced out of the happy little home they had in Eden. But, I suppose that is how all children feel when forced into a world to learn for themselves and end up understanding so much more appreciating what was done to them. yesterday, I heard a man use a sort of um, allegory of taking a child's cell phone away. To the child, it would seem wrong or unfair, but ultimately it was done for the peace and happiness of the family unit, which the child would eventually realize...My big question is, What are we going to gain from all of this obvious suppression on truth? I, for one, am going to use such cases to reinforce my method of determining the truth and put it into practice on every front.

I do not know the algorhythm, perse

 I am not sure HOW it is done, only wanted to raise my hand as I hear the tone. It has been done and it is not magic, it is merely mounting evidence of a thing I do not understand yet.

I was posing online that I am particularly fond of Phrygian and Aolean modes and then the next song played on my device is Verve's Bittersweet Symphony, which mentions modes and is written in the keys of E and A. I would think it coincidence,except for the frequency of such occurrences and comments of several others who have mentioned how they too have noticed that if you speak of Golfclubs in an email all of your web-searches are related to golf.

I have been a particularly transparent person and such will be expected in the future, but wonder what would happen if I falsify my inner thoughts?

More:

I was thinking about a fact that was shared yesterday that to make the conclusion simple (though it was well thought out,presented and complex) we only process 0.00000005 percent of the information that our brain receives. This was a wonderful thought. It was produced in this situation to become supporting evidence that we do not comprehend very much of our actual existence, and by comprehend I refer to only the part that we perceive with our 5 senses. Anyhow, this was used to support the idea that we perhaps live in a different realm, one of spirit..... ok, that was all back story, now that we are on the same page, let me extrapolate:

Lately, people are becoming outraged at their supposed "freedoms" being manipulated. In particular I am referring to internet security. because they are aware of being known to others it is not they who wish to change actions, but find way to remain secret. Well, I was thinking that actually we have been spied on constantly, mostly unaware, by a spiritual world that we cannot even be aware of in the sense that we mark awareness.

I had been taught about things such as angels who mark my every thought and deed and have guarded myself accordingly, but what can we do to mask feelings even if we can control thoughts and actions?I sorta feel ridiculous praying certain things because I know that I am only vocalizing them for my own benefit anyway...

notes

 -get familiar with Ezekiel by reading the book of that title at least 20 times, then look for as much biographical data I can, then reread the book pausing to make certain notes.

-do whatsoever I can in body as well as mind to prepare myself and temple: Sephirot, and crown.

Not sure what it means

 Though I am not sure what it means, I am sure it means something.... sorta like those mashed potatoes on "Close Encounters ..." I often WANT to do multiple things at once, but there are certain things that I CANNOT do at the same time. I decided that a person cannot multi-task, due to focus.

But as I was considering how many things have a duality about them, much as I was just listening to a teacher tell about how a particular writing had multiple meanings at once. I was talking about this very concept this morning as I read to my children though their eyes were closed. I told them that was good it gave fewer things for the mind to process. Secretly, I wondered if spiritual things actually prefer to not be processed and that led me to consider if they even could be...next I think of how many people confuse things not processed by a firm understanding, like emotions with spirituality. It is true that neither are seen, but can be sensed, but it does not mean they cannot exist without the other. If I am not careful I will let that idea run away with me, because I have so much to say about it....but for now, I want to address why I cannot listen to music and read at the same time. They sort of involve different senses, and ought to use different places in my brain to be compiled/understood, yet, I notice I cannot do them simultaneously as I once could... this could be due to age, but I have another hypothesis.

I often think of the young king David and how strong his faith was. I decided it is mostly due to his naivety. When less space is filled with thought the more a soul must rely on faith.

Also, when I was in the hospital recovering, they performed tests to see the level of recovery in my detectable sensations because they could not seem to understand why I could not do certain things. One test involved me closing my eyes while I was poked with a sharp pin and ask if I felt it. from my responses they mapped out my hand so I could see it. I still sustained nerve damage, but enough nerves were responding well to the point that practically any gross motor skill could be performed, but others?well, the projected that no amount of learning would lead to recovery or progress. Now. with that test as a given, I am wondering if there are other senses that just won't learn either, or are not functioning properly and I am not aware... my eyes are sort of permanently closed to them. It is frustrating!!