forcing myself to be productive

 well, it is an appropriate time to type out my thoughts, being as I could not connect to the internet which I fully intended to be doing right now, because I am missing my class while I wait for Joseph. That is fine, only I will not be able to be making dinner eithe. that will likely be a good thing for most of my family because it means frozen pizza.

 

I am thinking about caterpillars alot right now, because it is a perfcct metaphor for the change our whole society is going through right now, most notablyon an economical level, but socia, too, I had been watching many Kabbalarian videos where the discussion was pointed towards noticing the hardships in our existance, but giving them a purpose or a name. 

Today in Sacrament meeting our bishop also mentioned calling this transition or hardship Development. It reminded me of that same truth where blessings or whatever you want to call them, come after a trial or period of suffering. In videos I saw hardship is not necessary unless a person is very egocentric. It comes to mind what C.S.Lewis said regarding pain, how it is necessary in that it causes an action.

My thoughts are currently trying to package the idea that there is not any space. I already figured out tha ther could not be any time, in "reality" butit has been suggested that there is no space either. All things arein one and the only way to explain them is by distiguishing them or making them, which is like that little teaching example that is gven to present the concepts of quantum physics, where anobject is everywhere untilit is marked as having been somewhere...but, when marking a thing, it does not mean it is not simultaneously elsewhere as well.... so assert there is no time, then of course everything fills the same space. I am trying to understand tht there is actually no space either, that would solve the paradox,I hate that basically says that you could never touch anything because you would naturally need to reach a half way mark...infiniti.

Now, I am thinking about Fractals and what my kids call "Infinite loops" where children on a grassy hill are looking at a book of children on a grassy  hill looking at a book. My son pointed one out in his scriptures...Anywhere it says the first shall be last..., that would make them first thenlast, then first, then last, forever. It would be better to just be in  the middle, huh? But saying that makes me think of the epistles of Paul where he likens certain people to being lukewarm and good for nothing.  So, doesn't that create another fractal? we want to be best or worse only to become the first which is the last..... or remember the teaching about sitting lower that you would be raised up.... maybe take that back to the first thought about "development" pains. it seems like there is an order and the closer we get to it the less we need transitions. It's like how people want to be humble, but they do not want to be humbled. But, "the meek and humble inherit the earth", no? Butterflies.