lol and please come back when you find a more convenient way to be moisture. Or someone just go shoot those crazy Mormons for praying so much for rain. Wait, I'm a Mormon, and I rather like to stay alive today, "I'd like to keep my jeans dry today-ay-ay".
I took the kids to the park and just as we returned home, it started raining. I always remember that day because the other kids were performing a rain dance at the park, and we rushed home. Brandall had come while we were rushing home, but he came back, :)
It was funy a little girl got mad at the kids for their rain dance (which seemed to be working) and screamed out "No! Rain, rain, go away." Joe yelled back "Yes" And an official argument had begun. But, it was interrupted by a loud crack of thunder. I pretended it was a gunshot and told Joseph to come quickly, they had guns!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
the way thoughts connect
Every person and place or thing is stored in our brains. Each noun is usually stored with a particular distinguishing feature. For me it is usually a much less visual thing. In grade school our teacher was excused and we were asked to recreate him. It was supposed to be a test of our memory, but from other's artistry in contrast to mine, I realized that it wasn't so much about remembering as seeing thing. I have never been much of a visual artist,. My mind just doesn't work that way. I also recall a time my oldest daughter asked me to draw a dinosaur, and I couldn't, even though pateontology has always been a passion of mine. I drew something and she looked and said, "No. I meant a prehistoric creature. Try again." Her dad had to come draw one for her.
I played a game with the primary children at church. I gave them all crayons and paper and then played a recording of a composition of mine. I asked them to draw what they heard. It was uncanny how accurate their representations were. At first, no one wanted to share their drawing out of fear that the others would laugh or tease them, but as a few brave souls showed what they draw and told about it, they were praised and eventually everyone wanted to share their drawing, too.
I had thought before about talents, and did not start with any intention of even mentioning them, but I figured it was like how artists draw likenesses of people or something for money. Maybe I could compose songs for people, places, or things. which leads me to point out the inadequacy of converting our thoughts to words (without a lot of practice).
I used to like to listen to "absolute music" and I really felt what it was saying more than songs with words, which is why I actually wrote tonight in the first place, I thought about how I think of people and I assign a little value to mean them, likely, they have no thought (awareness) of this. for years I used hair because I felt like it adequately represented someone. They had some choice in that matter (Of how to wear or style it). I stil do that to some degree, and my strongest recollections of people come through not scent or physique, but hair.
I ought to say something about hair bands, but I won't.
Aside: It was so cool today when Elder Packer told how he always knew what to say, and felt that it wasn't too much to say even though it felt like he was blabering. The funny part came when he was saying how everyone has profound experiences regarding how temples effected their families, for him it was his parents always making temple attendance a priority. He asked Russel Nelson if this was the case for him, too. "No. Actually. My parents weren't sealed until they were in their 80's" :) replied Elder Nelson.
I was playing a game to keep my mind plugging away at things other than what it keeps settling on. The game was to think of people and just think of the little associations that I make with them. I was listening to a song last night and I didn't even hear any lyrics. That song will always mean something different to me. I was awestruck by the perfomance, specifically, the breathing. Every performer must breathe or they'd die, so it is not a good symbol to represent (differentiate) this song, but that's how my mind works and it associated the song with Johnny Depp who mentioned that those who truly "live" appreciate each breath. Once in a lesson on being Unprofitable servants one of the things mentioned that is a gift is air. Back to songs, I don't think that I have started trying to listen to catch each performer breathing. It just naturally struck me as a really cool performance technique.
Ok, I passed enough time. urr wasted it, is more like it. I have little to show for it. other than I did actually record my feelings which I know I ought to do. That is right, although deciding if my thoughts themselves are right or wrong is not of my concern.
I played a game with the primary children at church. I gave them all crayons and paper and then played a recording of a composition of mine. I asked them to draw what they heard. It was uncanny how accurate their representations were. At first, no one wanted to share their drawing out of fear that the others would laugh or tease them, but as a few brave souls showed what they draw and told about it, they were praised and eventually everyone wanted to share their drawing, too.
I had thought before about talents, and did not start with any intention of even mentioning them, but I figured it was like how artists draw likenesses of people or something for money. Maybe I could compose songs for people, places, or things. which leads me to point out the inadequacy of converting our thoughts to words (without a lot of practice).
I used to like to listen to "absolute music" and I really felt what it was saying more than songs with words, which is why I actually wrote tonight in the first place, I thought about how I think of people and I assign a little value to mean them, likely, they have no thought (awareness) of this. for years I used hair because I felt like it adequately represented someone. They had some choice in that matter (Of how to wear or style it). I stil do that to some degree, and my strongest recollections of people come through not scent or physique, but hair.
I ought to say something about hair bands, but I won't.
Aside: It was so cool today when Elder Packer told how he always knew what to say, and felt that it wasn't too much to say even though it felt like he was blabering. The funny part came when he was saying how everyone has profound experiences regarding how temples effected their families, for him it was his parents always making temple attendance a priority. He asked Russel Nelson if this was the case for him, too. "No. Actually. My parents weren't sealed until they were in their 80's" :) replied Elder Nelson.
I was playing a game to keep my mind plugging away at things other than what it keeps settling on. The game was to think of people and just think of the little associations that I make with them. I was listening to a song last night and I didn't even hear any lyrics. That song will always mean something different to me. I was awestruck by the perfomance, specifically, the breathing. Every performer must breathe or they'd die, so it is not a good symbol to represent (differentiate) this song, but that's how my mind works and it associated the song with Johnny Depp who mentioned that those who truly "live" appreciate each breath. Once in a lesson on being Unprofitable servants one of the things mentioned that is a gift is air. Back to songs, I don't think that I have started trying to listen to catch each performer breathing. It just naturally struck me as a really cool performance technique.
Ok, I passed enough time. urr wasted it, is more like it. I have little to show for it. other than I did actually record my feelings which I know I ought to do. That is right, although deciding if my thoughts themselves are right or wrong is not of my concern.
Friday, September 21, 2012
thinking to pass the time
thinking to pass the time can become a habit, that leads to stronger convictions and understanding why. By Why I mean the great WHY? If you are not ready to undersrtand, do not start thinking too much.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
a good thought to save for a rainy day
expound on this one: "Besides, anyone who doesn't really - I mean *really* - want the truth, doesn't deserve it anyway." written by, or more importantly thought by Tal Bachman. It really makes me feel small and pitiful to see myself from his point of view, oh well. I can just brush it off. I don't have to remember it because I typed it here.
view his blog here: http://tbachman.blogspot.com
view his blog here: http://tbachman.blogspot.com
Sunday, September 16, 2012
generalities
If I look for the lowest denominator, or in other words, get down to the real matter of things, the things I feel could be familiar and appreciated by amost anyone.
I noticed that today when someone told "their" story but instead I whittled their words down to a simple story of a girl who was happy but wanted more. She wanted to be like others, who she saw had a great deal of peace. So, confused and tired of being confused, she sought an answer and her answer was only a suggestion. But, the answer was that she ought to do something that wasn't even being considered. But, she did want to achieve in a similtude what her examples had, so she blindly did it, and currently can testify that though not anything planned, her life was so much better.
Ok, this is commendable and given to us all as an example of how having faith can do things for us that are all the better than we ever imagined. In her story she did not even think about having children, and she never wanted to be married. But, she is married well and has 4 children and is expecting twins! And she loves her life and must be strong to live it. Her strength is amost palapable.
Take a moment to play this game with me. Pretend that you have been asked to share your story, Have you even lived it yet? How can you reduce it to a skeleton? Now, you have a story that you can write to everyone, Maybe make substituions that are not "Your" personal story, but that is how we write really good and lasting stories.
For instance, the original story might be about you, but it isn't is is about a lady from Mexico who ended up in Utah by way of California and worked for years at a costco. I know, it hardly seems as powerful when you add the details back in. So instead tell about a man from Washington DC who is the son of an embassador to Africa and that he was on a pilgrimage to College to study Astronomy, but he just felt an emptiness and long t emulate the example of entire peace that he felt when he traveled with his dad to remote parts of Africa after a flood. He Saw a little family of tribal people who seemed to be at peace with everything around them nd did not feel like Astronomy was going to do that for him, though he loved the stars. Ya da ya da... You get the point.
I noticed that today when someone told "their" story but instead I whittled their words down to a simple story of a girl who was happy but wanted more. She wanted to be like others, who she saw had a great deal of peace. So, confused and tired of being confused, she sought an answer and her answer was only a suggestion. But, the answer was that she ought to do something that wasn't even being considered. But, she did want to achieve in a similtude what her examples had, so she blindly did it, and currently can testify that though not anything planned, her life was so much better.
Ok, this is commendable and given to us all as an example of how having faith can do things for us that are all the better than we ever imagined. In her story she did not even think about having children, and she never wanted to be married. But, she is married well and has 4 children and is expecting twins! And she loves her life and must be strong to live it. Her strength is amost palapable.
Take a moment to play this game with me. Pretend that you have been asked to share your story, Have you even lived it yet? How can you reduce it to a skeleton? Now, you have a story that you can write to everyone, Maybe make substituions that are not "Your" personal story, but that is how we write really good and lasting stories.
For instance, the original story might be about you, but it isn't is is about a lady from Mexico who ended up in Utah by way of California and worked for years at a costco. I know, it hardly seems as powerful when you add the details back in. So instead tell about a man from Washington DC who is the son of an embassador to Africa and that he was on a pilgrimage to College to study Astronomy, but he just felt an emptiness and long t emulate the example of entire peace that he felt when he traveled with his dad to remote parts of Africa after a flood. He Saw a little family of tribal people who seemed to be at peace with everything around them nd did not feel like Astronomy was going to do that for him, though he loved the stars. Ya da ya da... You get the point.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Just a thought worth having
i ask, what good is it to have a thought if you don't share it. I already got the use out of it when I thought it, So I am going to jot it down here for later use, maybe my own. It is a valuable lesson. I was thinking of lyrics for a song I wanted to write about how everyone I love has been put into the spotlight, which means they are fully loved already by the time I am introduced to their likes. I think I would like very much to meet someone no one else has noticed, but this is the very thoughts that I had which led me or rather whiplashed me to Brandall.
Now, I realize that it was against several of my promises to myself but most importantly it was agaigst the advice that has strangely been given to me one day when I annonounced that I was to be sealed to Robert Woodruff in the Manti Temple! I was warned to be sure that I love the whole and not just parts. She told me a story about meeting her husband, but first getting advice because she was already in love with someone, though she knew it was the wrong person. Her bishop explained the happening. He said that the person that she loved possesed certain traits and if another posessed these traits she would not love them just because he wasn't the perfectly right fit for her. Anyway she advised me to becarefull because we play tricks on ourself when we fall in love and don't even seem to notice other things.
I didn't knowingly disregard her advice, though I honestly didn't think I'd ever find a reason to need it. I was going to Marry Robert who I was in love with because he was so wise and good, and he obviously loved me. He gave me a heart! It was such a beautiful sentiment, only it perplexed me that his parents kept saying that I did not love him. It was true that I was not attracted to him, but one day when he came home from work (midnight shift) I was playing the piano just waiting patiently to see him ( he would make me breakfast, too! Breakfast burritos I still remember the whole visit) he didn't even sa hello he just kissed me and I knew that I loved him. So, breaking things off after I had a ring and a temple date set was hard, How different my life would have been.
Now, I see that if I had heeded that advice I would have saved myself a whole lot of heartache, and I'd not be so tangled in this web. So, I hope it helps someone else. My advice added is merely a suggestion, make sure you love everything about your sweetheart, there is a whole lot that you won't just naturally know either. Decide to love the things you discover, the lives of your born or unborn children depend on this.
As for me? I'd most likely make the exact same mistake over again, believing I could change things somehow. Seriously, there were lots of things that I learned were important to me that I never knew. It's kind of funny, those things Brandall wasn't I made sure Nick was, but neither is entirely what I need, though admittedly, Brandall feels closer. But Nick is my mind's choice. they don't agree on that, yet. Though the can find a common ground of "none of the above." I'm really lost, maybe i ought to review every bit and morsel of good advice I've had looking for clues.
Now, I realize that it was against several of my promises to myself but most importantly it was agaigst the advice that has strangely been given to me one day when I annonounced that I was to be sealed to Robert Woodruff in the Manti Temple! I was warned to be sure that I love the whole and not just parts. She told me a story about meeting her husband, but first getting advice because she was already in love with someone, though she knew it was the wrong person. Her bishop explained the happening. He said that the person that she loved possesed certain traits and if another posessed these traits she would not love them just because he wasn't the perfectly right fit for her. Anyway she advised me to becarefull because we play tricks on ourself when we fall in love and don't even seem to notice other things.
I didn't knowingly disregard her advice, though I honestly didn't think I'd ever find a reason to need it. I was going to Marry Robert who I was in love with because he was so wise and good, and he obviously loved me. He gave me a heart! It was such a beautiful sentiment, only it perplexed me that his parents kept saying that I did not love him. It was true that I was not attracted to him, but one day when he came home from work (midnight shift) I was playing the piano just waiting patiently to see him ( he would make me breakfast, too! Breakfast burritos I still remember the whole visit) he didn't even sa hello he just kissed me and I knew that I loved him. So, breaking things off after I had a ring and a temple date set was hard, How different my life would have been.
Now, I see that if I had heeded that advice I would have saved myself a whole lot of heartache, and I'd not be so tangled in this web. So, I hope it helps someone else. My advice added is merely a suggestion, make sure you love everything about your sweetheart, there is a whole lot that you won't just naturally know either. Decide to love the things you discover, the lives of your born or unborn children depend on this.
As for me? I'd most likely make the exact same mistake over again, believing I could change things somehow. Seriously, there were lots of things that I learned were important to me that I never knew. It's kind of funny, those things Brandall wasn't I made sure Nick was, but neither is entirely what I need, though admittedly, Brandall feels closer. But Nick is my mind's choice. they don't agree on that, yet. Though the can find a common ground of "none of the above." I'm really lost, maybe i ought to review every bit and morsel of good advice I've had looking for clues.
Friday, March 2, 2012
honestly
People say that I'm tall but, neither my husband or I are what is considered a tall person. What they mean by it is that we are taller than them, but really it doesn't matter much.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
My Super Master plan!
"and when you recieve these things..."
1) Do whatever it takes to get my question to someone who can and will answer.
2) Accept the answer as truth(avoiding the responsibility for the veracity of my answer) and obey.
this is so plain and easy to understand. It is a whole lot like my previous master plan: 1) Know what is right. and 2) Do it.
But, there are alot of details to this plan. but, it feels good knowing that I do have a plan and know where I am and where I am headed.
1) Do whatever it takes to get my question to someone who can and will answer.
2) Accept the answer as truth(avoiding the responsibility for the veracity of my answer) and obey.
this is so plain and easy to understand. It is a whole lot like my previous master plan: 1) Know what is right. and 2) Do it.
But, there are alot of details to this plan. but, it feels good knowing that I do have a plan and know where I am and where I am headed.
Obvious foreshadowing
Yeah, you'd think the characters would notice things that the reader picks up on but like the characters in the story we are all a touch slow when it comes to our own stories.
Alot of things have been neatly prepared for me, but the final step is more of a leap, like that first step out your door Bilbo Baggins talks about or that cool "leap of faith" in the "Temple of Doom." Now that I know what to do, that does not make it any easier,\. The only thing that pushes me forward is, no, not encouragement from others, but a hope that it will be more than worth it, I've heard such a situation refered to as a "pipe dream". I assume that is reckoning back to a dream-like state brought on by smoking a pipe of peyote or something. Fiction seems realer than reality but trying to bridge that gap, or turn a dreamed notion into reality though it seems likely to be true is still not reasonable. such are my delusions.
Alot of things have been neatly prepared for me, but the final step is more of a leap, like that first step out your door Bilbo Baggins talks about or that cool "leap of faith" in the "Temple of Doom." Now that I know what to do, that does not make it any easier,\. The only thing that pushes me forward is, no, not encouragement from others, but a hope that it will be more than worth it, I've heard such a situation refered to as a "pipe dream". I assume that is reckoning back to a dream-like state brought on by smoking a pipe of peyote or something. Fiction seems realer than reality but trying to bridge that gap, or turn a dreamed notion into reality though it seems likely to be true is still not reasonable. such are my delusions.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Dr. Eleazar
When I was first given an MRI in Gallatin, the resident Nuerologist said that my scan was normal, but Dr. Eleazar disagreed and I was sent via ambulance to Vanderbilt, where at night little nurses came in and asked if they could sneak a peek at my baby through the U/S Machine, ok they didn't ask, but I was still aware but pretended to not be because they were students and I wanted to help. it was sucha small thing. I ended upsigning away to be included in several studies that used tissue and fluid from my brain biopsy and spinal fluid from Lumbar Punctures. The strangest request was from a Pyschologist, who asked my permission to publish a story about me in an article he was writting. I do not even know what it was about. But, I was reviewing several points of interest in my mind.
I decided to see a psychologist after I fiished my time with therapists who said I was fine, but clearly, I wasn't.
On my first visit to Dr. Eleazar he thanked me for chosing him and asked if I even knew who he was. I said "The good doctor" I recall he even visited me in Vanderbilt, but at the time I just assumed that he was part of the assigned Nuerologists, who, when one guy left, I started crying and told them that I was sorry for their loss, I thought he had died. lol.
He gave me a piece of paper and asked me to fold it. I was confused as to what this would ascertain, but he also took my weight and told me that I was not even close to being overweight when I asked if he could write me a perscription for weight loss.
Here is the kicker! He asked me to remember three things and I told him what they were before he said them. Pink, Piano and Kentucky. during my "talks" with people in the hospital I was asked things I still cannot think of (like the date or the President - but I listed them in succession from George Washington in order according to my mother, strange) Anyway he had asked me to remember three things then and never asked for them again. He still hasn't. So, I took liberties to blurt them out then.
I have strong memories of his office on Main street in Gallatin, and his receptionist, but Brandall told me that my medical bills were over 500 thousand dollars, so I decided if I was going to be accountable I needed to stop incurring debt.
that Memory Shifted as I was looking at pictures made by my children for a mothers day years ago. I remembered the time I visited hmmmmm, he worked on cars, she had a Volvo SW and theit name started with W. And she had a dughter in cookeville. Anyway, I told them that I was really fond of their interior decor. On the way home Brandall (who is quite spartan in his decor) warned me that he would not allow such over decoration. Oh! perish the thought. I just liked it for them. I believe Lena stayed there one time and fell down a step, I recall odd things even still.
that Memory Shifted as I was looking at pictures made by my children for a mothers day years ago. I remembered the time I visited hmmmmm, he worked on cars, she had a Volvo SW and theit name started with W. And she had a dughter in cookeville. Anyway, I told them that I was really fond of their interior decor. On the way home Brandall (who is quite spartan in his decor) warned me that he would not allow such over decoration. Oh! perish the thought. I just liked it for them. I believe Lena stayed there one time and fell down a step, I recall odd things even still.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
realize this!
I have been trying to stay as busy as possible so that I wouldn't have time to realize this.
After allowing myself to think about it, it changes nothing, so fooey!
I realized that I loved Brandall but I could not love him because of what he did, I could no sooner love satan as I thought was possible. Now I know that forgiveness has limits. love does not overcome betrayal in every case. I was wrong about other things, too. I did not think that I could forgive the people that tortured and killed the savior. On my cell phone I gave my exhusband the name of Judas Iscariot, but my children kept asking about it, soI stopped doing that. It isn't really as fitting as I thought. I can forgive Judas, but I cannot forgive Brandall. He tried to ruin something that cannot be replaced, Judasonly ruined something that was supposed to be ruined.
I thought maybe I could forgive him and return to what was, because I have tried so hard to recreate it, but cannot, My love is not to be duplicated, it is totally different, so much that I eve thought that it might not be love yet, because I knew the strong feeling I get about Nick is only Hate, but I am still learning and there is much wisdom to not doing what comes naturally or first, but wait and see.
Worst of all, I realized that Brandall was somehow right, I did love someone else vicariously, not instead of him though. That was why I chose him I see it now. I honestly do not know what to call it, but I do not make all of my choices as I had thought I do. but, I will be responsible even if I do not yet understand a whole lot.
I try even now, not to admit it even just to myself, in secret, but there it is, I'll not dwell on it after admitting it though, but there has always been something else that I was looking for, and I had even been warned, or foreshadowingly told to not fall for most, but hold out for the whole. if I had been as happy as I thought I was I would not be in this situation. it has been a blessing, a glimpse into "but what if". I got everything I thought I needed, as I always do but was shown that my choice, when I could rightfully make it was what I have now. So, I'll stop blaming Nicholas for taking advantage of a win situation for him, he took a risk, that must always be done to achieve greater. Crud, am I referring to myself as a prize? bah!
regardless, realizing things were one way when I always though they were truly another changes nothing, but my resolve. I need to go find a crochet hook, now that I've taken the time to realize all of this.
After allowing myself to think about it, it changes nothing, so fooey!
I realized that I loved Brandall but I could not love him because of what he did, I could no sooner love satan as I thought was possible. Now I know that forgiveness has limits. love does not overcome betrayal in every case. I was wrong about other things, too. I did not think that I could forgive the people that tortured and killed the savior. On my cell phone I gave my exhusband the name of Judas Iscariot, but my children kept asking about it, soI stopped doing that. It isn't really as fitting as I thought. I can forgive Judas, but I cannot forgive Brandall. He tried to ruin something that cannot be replaced, Judasonly ruined something that was supposed to be ruined.
I thought maybe I could forgive him and return to what was, because I have tried so hard to recreate it, but cannot, My love is not to be duplicated, it is totally different, so much that I eve thought that it might not be love yet, because I knew the strong feeling I get about Nick is only Hate, but I am still learning and there is much wisdom to not doing what comes naturally or first, but wait and see.
Worst of all, I realized that Brandall was somehow right, I did love someone else vicariously, not instead of him though. That was why I chose him I see it now. I honestly do not know what to call it, but I do not make all of my choices as I had thought I do. but, I will be responsible even if I do not yet understand a whole lot.
I try even now, not to admit it even just to myself, in secret, but there it is, I'll not dwell on it after admitting it though, but there has always been something else that I was looking for, and I had even been warned, or foreshadowingly told to not fall for most, but hold out for the whole. if I had been as happy as I thought I was I would not be in this situation. it has been a blessing, a glimpse into "but what if". I got everything I thought I needed, as I always do but was shown that my choice, when I could rightfully make it was what I have now. So, I'll stop blaming Nicholas for taking advantage of a win situation for him, he took a risk, that must always be done to achieve greater. Crud, am I referring to myself as a prize? bah!
regardless, realizing things were one way when I always though they were truly another changes nothing, but my resolve. I need to go find a crochet hook, now that I've taken the time to realize all of this.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
incorruptible
That seemed to be the word of the day. It started out by my kids explaining that I couldn't stop them from "thinking" about Pokemon, just because they couldn't play or talk about it. This was because I declared Sunday a "pokemon free day". But, they said that bysaying not to say it, I had to tell them what not to say, so I said it. "Ooooooh!, Mom said a bad word!" I did again whe i was trying to explain seeking diligently to them. I thought searching in your room for something was alot like it, you don't just peek. I liked that to our scriptures and tried to show them what "Just going through the motions" was like in reading our scriptures, then I showed them how to seek diligently, but they didn't get it, until I explained it in terms of looking for a Pokemon card they lost. Bingo! I saw their faces light up in understanding! But, then though I wanted to explain how impossible it was to even go a day without even mentioning Pokemon, though my intention was good. I said the"
P word". They were "Incorruptible"
Next we talked about King Louis and how he was taken to another country and though they couldn't kill him, they saught to corrupt his sense of morality by introducing things into his lifestyle. But, it was futile. He explained that he was born to be a king and so withstood their attempts at flattering away his morality with laciviousness He was "incorruptible".
Being Sunday, in my church class the topic was the Millenium. You can likely figure it out if you are not familiar with the term. It is one given to "mil" or "a thousand years" immediately following the second comming (return) of Jesus Christ. After a scripture about the destruction of that great and terrible day, one lady stated that the moral of that scripture reference is to not be corruptible. This forcefully effected me. But, among the profound things that came to mind the teacher said one think that interrupted my thoughts and it required full attention (not because it is of any consequence) because it might yeild some good answers. She asked "So, if we allknow the Earth is going to burn in a fire. Well, how is it going to be started." I really liked most of the answers, but one I remember was of a woman saying that someone probably just gives the scouts some matches!
Anyway, I do remember in another class someone talking about the things that we must have to make sure we suceed or I think "incorruptible" I need to go look up that scripture.
4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine dnature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;
6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor cunfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
9 But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.
10 Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:
There. that's enough! I just thought a strange thought about this, I considered that we were given this little piece of information to make life a "sure thing". I have always been willing to put in alot of effort especially if the promise was sure. I think understanding thios little piece of information will make a profound difference in how I live my life. it actually makes me double think how I've spent my time thus far.
Something is to be said about being in the right place at the right time. I think how such things mean nothing to those who choose to be and do something else with their time. I want to wrrite a story about The Second coming, a sort of "how-to" an attempt to make it less a horrible day and more of a great day. Today was the Primary Program, and that is where the little children are all to display their brainwashing publically. Comments are always made about how moving or sweet it was to have little timmy tell how he knows that he is a Child of God. And it would be but, I was mostly interested to know whast they were actually teaching my kids. Lena came to class with me once and then asked why they still teach the same things to grown ups? Don't they know it all by then? lol. repetition. repetition. repetition.
P word". They were "Incorruptible"
Next we talked about King Louis and how he was taken to another country and though they couldn't kill him, they saught to corrupt his sense of morality by introducing things into his lifestyle. But, it was futile. He explained that he was born to be a king and so withstood their attempts at flattering away his morality with laciviousness He was "incorruptible".
Being Sunday, in my church class the topic was the Millenium. You can likely figure it out if you are not familiar with the term. It is one given to "mil" or "a thousand years" immediately following the second comming (return) of Jesus Christ. After a scripture about the destruction of that great and terrible day, one lady stated that the moral of that scripture reference is to not be corruptible. This forcefully effected me. But, among the profound things that came to mind the teacher said one think that interrupted my thoughts and it required full attention (not because it is of any consequence) because it might yeild some good answers. She asked "So, if we allknow the Earth is going to burn in a fire. Well, how is it going to be started." I really liked most of the answers, but one I remember was of a woman saying that someone probably just gives the scouts some matches!
Anyway, I do remember in another class someone talking about the things that we must have to make sure we suceed or I think "incorruptible" I need to go look up that scripture.
4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine dnature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;
6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor cunfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
9 But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.
10 Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:
There. that's enough! I just thought a strange thought about this, I considered that we were given this little piece of information to make life a "sure thing". I have always been willing to put in alot of effort especially if the promise was sure. I think understanding thios little piece of information will make a profound difference in how I live my life. it actually makes me double think how I've spent my time thus far.
Something is to be said about being in the right place at the right time. I think how such things mean nothing to those who choose to be and do something else with their time. I want to wrrite a story about The Second coming, a sort of "how-to" an attempt to make it less a horrible day and more of a great day. Today was the Primary Program, and that is where the little children are all to display their brainwashing publically. Comments are always made about how moving or sweet it was to have little timmy tell how he knows that he is a Child of God. And it would be but, I was mostly interested to know whast they were actually teaching my kids. Lena came to class with me once and then asked why they still teach the same things to grown ups? Don't they know it all by then? lol. repetition. repetition. repetition.
Friday, November 11, 2011
perspective?
nothing changed from now and earlier today, but
I had decided that I was being silly and that everything was wonderful here to now I am as angry with Nick as I ever could possibly be. I cannot stand him. So what is my deal? My observation startled me. I thought it was my obsession with being loved that needed to be reevaluated. I couldn't think of a reason to need to be attractive besides finding a mate, and I tried to be ugly and unkepmt, to exteme, but it didn't phase Nick, and I thought it must be love, to decide to love someone regardless of how they appeared, and I did look nice when we met. But a thought that really resonated was that it doesn't matter who can be the ugliest. I had always thought that if my ugliest was prettier than others then it would gain me some sort of preference, but I realized it was a time old thing to try to look pretty because people want to know how much potential you have an it is easier to assess by looking appealing... or as mom taught me, looking clean.
My conclusion is that My relationship with Nick has nothing nor ever had anything to do with attraction. I do not understand why that is important either, but I do know that attraction is typically called love. I was out to prove that notion wrong, but ended up poving to myself how correct it is.
I defined love to be the power to overcome. Attrraction is what causes love to form. For me and Nick, it was my will to have a family, which I do have, now what? Absolutely nothing. And it has been misunderstood that I do not appreciate my family because I do not love Nick, but that is untrue. the only reason I am curently with Nick is to keep my family together. Mentally, I believed that my thoughts were dominant. I could feel a certain way, if it made sense, by doing it. I mentally thought that Nick was a better choice fo me, but I am still very much attracted to Brandall, and though it seems mentally wrong and I can think all of the ways it is worse, I fear that if I didn't believe that I could find a resolution out there, somewhere, I'd throw caution to the wind and put all of my eggs back in that fragile basket, come what may. but, I do believe that I will find a ballance. I will find a relationship that feels right and mentally seems right. I will find my peace. That is what I desire. I was busy desiring to be attracted to Nick and happy with the life that I'm living because it really does make sense.
I had decided that I was being silly and that everything was wonderful here to now I am as angry with Nick as I ever could possibly be. I cannot stand him. So what is my deal? My observation startled me. I thought it was my obsession with being loved that needed to be reevaluated. I couldn't think of a reason to need to be attractive besides finding a mate, and I tried to be ugly and unkepmt, to exteme, but it didn't phase Nick, and I thought it must be love, to decide to love someone regardless of how they appeared, and I did look nice when we met. But a thought that really resonated was that it doesn't matter who can be the ugliest. I had always thought that if my ugliest was prettier than others then it would gain me some sort of preference, but I realized it was a time old thing to try to look pretty because people want to know how much potential you have an it is easier to assess by looking appealing... or as mom taught me, looking clean.
My conclusion is that My relationship with Nick has nothing nor ever had anything to do with attraction. I do not understand why that is important either, but I do know that attraction is typically called love. I was out to prove that notion wrong, but ended up poving to myself how correct it is.
I defined love to be the power to overcome. Attrraction is what causes love to form. For me and Nick, it was my will to have a family, which I do have, now what? Absolutely nothing. And it has been misunderstood that I do not appreciate my family because I do not love Nick, but that is untrue. the only reason I am curently with Nick is to keep my family together. Mentally, I believed that my thoughts were dominant. I could feel a certain way, if it made sense, by doing it. I mentally thought that Nick was a better choice fo me, but I am still very much attracted to Brandall, and though it seems mentally wrong and I can think all of the ways it is worse, I fear that if I didn't believe that I could find a resolution out there, somewhere, I'd throw caution to the wind and put all of my eggs back in that fragile basket, come what may. but, I do believe that I will find a ballance. I will find a relationship that feels right and mentally seems right. I will find my peace. That is what I desire. I was busy desiring to be attracted to Nick and happy with the life that I'm living because it really does make sense.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
This or that?
I suppose I ought to be happy to find myself in this dilemma of which thought to expound upon, my head is swarming with them, but in order to be a master of something i must focus down to one idea and make it my purpose for a while. I can actually explore tons of other significant thoughts inside of a larger theme.
1) The boy who wouldn't be a man.
2) The School teacher and her conflicts
3) The annonymous genie
I've narrowed it down alot. I ought to apply guidelines and then see what naturally scores highest. Not being able to perform my music has lessened my need to perform none, and I doubt that cutting out the number of thoughts that divide my attention will only focus my intensity, like a magnifying glass does the sunlight. The power doesn't change, lol here came a thought to save the day! it is niether lost nor destroyed, but is transformed. Now, my thoughts would please Cleon Skousen. Who actually pinched my sister-in-law's butt, how I digress.
While derailed, I watched or rather rewatched "the notebook" again, I was amazed at how different I am it is noticable when I do the same things I did while I supposed that I was fine. There were so many obvious things that I failed to notice. I wonder if that is like being a child. They are happier because they just do not process things they don't want to. I have similarly heard people going on TV and Periodical fasting and how much better they feel not being bombarded by the world.
Ok, I need to go rescue the babies, it seems this is the most common ending to my rants or, escuse me, thoughts, but such is my life.
1) The boy who wouldn't be a man.
2) The School teacher and her conflicts
3) The annonymous genie
I've narrowed it down alot. I ought to apply guidelines and then see what naturally scores highest. Not being able to perform my music has lessened my need to perform none, and I doubt that cutting out the number of thoughts that divide my attention will only focus my intensity, like a magnifying glass does the sunlight. The power doesn't change, lol here came a thought to save the day! it is niether lost nor destroyed, but is transformed. Now, my thoughts would please Cleon Skousen. Who actually pinched my sister-in-law's butt, how I digress.
While derailed, I watched or rather rewatched "the notebook" again, I was amazed at how different I am it is noticable when I do the same things I did while I supposed that I was fine. There were so many obvious things that I failed to notice. I wonder if that is like being a child. They are happier because they just do not process things they don't want to. I have similarly heard people going on TV and Periodical fasting and how much better they feel not being bombarded by the world.
Ok, I need to go rescue the babies, it seems this is the most common ending to my rants or, escuse me, thoughts, but such is my life.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Saying what you mean.
I noticed how often people, myself included, fail at communicating because we do not say what we mean, which is a failue to communicate. It is most fustrating because it makes perfect sense to you.
I also really admire how others seem to know the secrets of saying what they mean to the point that the see it as an art to say one thing and mean another. I often ead things that are technically nice but, have a venomous intent.
Here is the best I can tell: each word is used to represent a feeling like this: pride. but, what it means to you is probably not what it means to me, so I string a whole lot of theseords together in hopes to lead the reader to my feeling, I usually fail, and though it seems that words would be easier than music, I have greater sucess with music. I remember meeting Brandall and being so intensely impressed with his ability to use words, then I heard that Daniel Bedinfield's song "I have a way with words" and about that time twitter was invented so I thought that I'd try to condense my words to 140 characters, but I failed. I think it must be something about fisthad experinces being better historical records. I thought Brandall ought to be a History instructor, though he prrobably never will. oh well. I am going to try to play a new game with word though. limit myself to one and see if I can express myself. I think artists can say or express themselves through a single representation, so I might be able, with practice to do that. If you think you can or think you can't you're right!
confusion, no
need, good
comfort, better
relief, best
Ah, now I see how haiku came about, though I'm porobably wrong. Start over.
I also really admire how others seem to know the secrets of saying what they mean to the point that the see it as an art to say one thing and mean another. I often ead things that are technically nice but, have a venomous intent.
Here is the best I can tell: each word is used to represent a feeling like this: pride. but, what it means to you is probably not what it means to me, so I string a whole lot of theseords together in hopes to lead the reader to my feeling, I usually fail, and though it seems that words would be easier than music, I have greater sucess with music. I remember meeting Brandall and being so intensely impressed with his ability to use words, then I heard that Daniel Bedinfield's song "I have a way with words" and about that time twitter was invented so I thought that I'd try to condense my words to 140 characters, but I failed. I think it must be something about fisthad experinces being better historical records. I thought Brandall ought to be a History instructor, though he prrobably never will. oh well. I am going to try to play a new game with word though. limit myself to one and see if I can express myself. I think artists can say or express themselves through a single representation, so I might be able, with practice to do that. If you think you can or think you can't you're right!
confusion, no
need, good
comfort, better
relief, best
Ah, now I see how haiku came about, though I'm porobably wrong. Start over.
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