a researching truth

I love truth, wherever I find it. I found it studying history in the words of a teacher in Iceland who commented on how different perspectives record the same thing, so it is by comparing and eventually the similarities stand out and you have your truth. I sort of kind of with less sincerity  explained a similar truth when writing a paper in college about moments being recorded accurately are bound to repeat making Shakespeare applicable regardless of the era because he mostly captured truths.

I often notice brilliance in my past actions upon reviewing them. At the time, it was more or less a coincidence. Then, I realized a great principle that is necessary when discerning truths online. There are almost too many influencers all influencing, that one knows not who to believe...reminds me of what Joseph Smith said about religion in his time. There are people who I tend towards and want to believe, but then, I try out their words (plant the seed and see what grows) and realize I was again deceived. So, I sort of "rage quit" but, something deep inside convinced me to all things spoken are untrue just because the ones I hoped to be true were false.

I watched someone again, today, applying a system I learned from doing geological research. Before I accept a truth into the wall I was building, I needed a valid source. So. I would reach deep and ask myself if and why I would believe this, and I ended up believing the sincerity of one so called expert and it so happened that I previously had found the things which she taught to be true, meaning, they were things which I had done and benefited from without purposing it. It was a truth and currently I am hoping and living on one that seems totally counter intuitive, but it has had evidence to prove it true.  It makes me think of the way Joseph Smith said that he knew it and he knew that God knew that he knew it, and then despite anything seeming farfetched it was true.

I was fasting for over three days, and then suddenly I felt better, like breaking through the wall.  I thought I had made a metabolic switch, so I decided to go for a run, but then, my muscles pretty much locked up and I feared making it home before I died. When I got home my blood sugar had spiked higher than ever before! And my keytones did nothing. At that point I was miffed and rage quit. I ate. I decided all this special eating and extensive workouts was stupid! Then, yesterday I decided that my body was malnutioned and I decided to stop it all and care for myself.  I over ate, or so I thought. I began a regimen of multivitamins and strength training, that was sensible and maintainable. We had a Halloween party and I let myself have too much candy. I was all about loving myself. I already started sleeping better, previously. As I did my daily weight check, fearing what my stupid choice to splurge was undoubtedly going to have done to my weight. I had actually lost weight, whereas previous days of working hard and starving I had gained weight, not alot, but over time it would add up.

My new routine includes an hour of easy easy stationary biking while I work on Icelandic vocabulary, then drinking ACV with my morning water for breakfast, fish and vegetable stew for lunch, and snacking until 7pm however I feel inclined. I also will randomly do exercise band training throughout the day. I feel good about this! Without knowing why,  or even needing to. I think this will prove successful after being consistent for 12 weeks (until the end of 2024).

ok, I finally truly figured this out!

I am feeling overweight, but all other evidence suggests otherwise. The most important factor was that my Pat. Blessing and my father and my son are all against my starvation approach. My blessing promises me necessary health so, I need to trust that, and I tried, but I just feel like I need to be doing something. So, I prayed alot, and kept researching things, like why my body seemed to do the exact opposite of what all the medical advice online says. Like how I had a spike in glucose after 3 days of fasting, and I still had not switched into ketosis, but It had honestly worked amazingly before! What is wrong with me? I thought that maybe I had a fat resistance, like some people do with glucose, but I found a few extremely heart-felt and very interesting things that as I pondered for a while I concluded once again that menopause had completely ruined my metabolism...uh, and my fasting was making it worse. But, it is like growing out your bangs, it will be fine, but you have to go through this really terrible phase when just resulting them would solve things. So, I have learned that it is lack of calories/nutrition that has caused me to go into starvation mode and fasting panics my body, and I really gain the weight, oh well. I've already decided that exercising is not going to be my life long solution, so it is like trying to grow out my bangs, I must cut out the excessive exercise and get more food and vitamins. One girl mentioned that she found that the only way out of her plateaus was to defend, and then start the whole routine over and it would start working again. So, for my son I say he was right, I need to at least get 2,000 calories per day, though it might seem hard. It really isn't if I eat normal meals. But, I just KNOW that fasting is the best way to take care of my body. And the fact that I believe that helps to make it happen. My Bishop. Bishop Weeks mentioned in a testimony once that he believed that fasting was God's tool and that it had been a blessing in his life. And, another woman who had miraculously improved her physique told me that she had done it through intermittent fasting. So, I am learning how to do it in moderation, and not to extreme. But. It is hard for me to not think, "well, if a little is good then, I will do alot.".

I did it!

I figured it out. It was such a small detail that it seemed  insignificant, it was an anxiety that I didn't even kniw about... it was stress caused by failure to loose weight that was causing glucose spikes, ya da ya da, ultimately a total failure. It is like that scene from. Harry Potter with the trap made by a plant that tightens if you try to get away, so you need to give up to get away. I had to decide that I didn't care if I lost weight and I started losing weight! I stopped exercising and excessive fasting and blood testing. Now, this is absolutely not the answer for everyone. But, my parents taught me the best lessons first, ask yourself why you want what you want. And that every person does not equal every other person. I also felt like I needed to make the loss of lives even of my ancestors worth it, so I repeated in my head,"Do I chose freedom or being pretty." It can be reduce to a simple choice of Heavenly Father's plan or not. And I rewatched conference and remembered that Mortality Really works, and Mary, my daughter always tells me, "just trust the process." And I realized it comes down to trusting prayers and promises as I read and re ite from the scriptures or those stupid influencers most of which I have proven to be wrong. Still want to believe that there might be an odd exception somewhere? No, I chose to belief that if I pray for a thing I will get the best possible outcome (like Moana praying to find Maui and getting shipwrecked.)

reimaging

It is the same thing as happened in cross-country in Indiana. starting out I was faster than average, then as the year and training progressed I didn't and it didn't upset me. I was no longer the fastest, as it was assumed, and my coach used to get upset that I wasn't even trying or anything, but I was,  finally I just explained that I was trying hard all year whereas others tweaked their performance to peal about now in the season, whereas I never peaked, I just was always at 100 percent. It is like the volume dial on your TV. Others were pretty quiet and made me seem loud, but as they turned up their goals, I started to blend in. Using that metaphor with my body/weight I have always been ideal, that is what my grandmother, my dad and my son were trying to express. I cannot loose weight and others do, but so what, I just am. I got to thinking about my Pat. Blessing at it promises health to accomplish everything. That is a pretty miraculous gift.  Looking back, I did not overcome the odds to walk again because of my incredible efforts. I often said it if was my time, then I would die, but fretting about it certainly wouldn't change it. Likewise, I grew, into a pretty tall woman, not because I chose it and did what was required. The same will be true with my physique.  I am merely changing and need to stop trying to mold myself into the way I want to look. I honestly think that I will be happier if I just...que sera sera.

Accordingly, I am going to, noy play favorites even, but just start over with a new body and only wear clothes that I like, so that It will not take effort to find something to wear and I absolutely will not spend money on ways to try to change me appearance in any way, too expensive. I want to be presentable and not apprehensive, but my days of trying to be this elusive thing called beautiful are over.

this morning's diet realization

I had decided it was all good theory, but not practice as I ended a prolonged fast very disappointed getting none of the expected results, I felt like I had been scammed. This time it hurt because I believed it fully, whereas many times I merely had a hope crushed.

I still couldn't share the feeling like I could do something and giving up was not it. This morning I realized something. It was my high, exercise induced glucose. That was what needed to change. My exercise was a trigger, and stressed me and kept me from loosing weight. I did not exhaust my sugar stores or convert to fat burning, because this was neither the time or place. My over exercise communicated that I was constantly in pursuit and my very life must be at stake cause I did not even have time to sleep or recover.

   I am going to try again, only, this time, I am not going to increase my work, but do less, sleep more and fast comfortably. I still believe it will work, and that the failure lies on my end.

Just had this thought to add as the kids left for school. I have been staying up past 11 cause of my husband, and getting up at 4 am for my son for over 15 years, no wonder my body has issues trusting me. I want to do a 5-day reset and then just establish a plan of going to bed and sleeping continuously for at least 6 hours, and then not eating between the hours of 7pm and 3pm. That should be easy easy. And eliminate anything, but daily peaceful walking.