Astrophysics

I think I have visited variations on the theme for years. I wrote a sincere letter about why I wanted to attend an engineering camp in high school and really struggled at last between chemical engineering and music. The determining factor was life. Music just fit and required less effort on my part.  I still remember my mother making spagetti and me sharing an epiphany that everything was science. Even music is scientific to me... Just less understanding and more um...feeling. Perhaps humanity or philosophy.

But, I then stumbled on my true talent which is teaching. I absolutely love it and feel destined to do so, but so often my attempts are thwarted. But, I thought it was merely hoops to jump through to prove my saying I could do a thing.  I finally recognized something in a moment of brutal honesty that there was an issue that looms around legitimacy and it is The reason why I feel like I don't belong. It has constantly happened in totally diverse settings. I do not think it can be learned, either. Two teachers suggest that I am too nice and fear being a teacher. Instead I try to become a friend. Even with my own children. I am not at all forceful. They are expected to make their own choices. This works well with Joseph, but Mary Anne needs to be told what to do.

I fell asleep, but publish now, edit later...maybe.