It attracts you at first then drives you away.

I am too tired to write right now, and I would hate to forget this thought. I wanted to write a long post about how alluring Mormonism is, and likely that is what draws people to Utah, like that survey I took years ago about where in Utah I wanted to live, and how I excitedly told my mom how I longed so much to be with others who believe  like me. I was referring to being "Mormon". But, similarities cease in so many cases at the surface... It is nice to be among good happy people, but although they do the same things as I do and have the same results, truth is I still lack that true connection with others. We are made to need compassion and understanding.

Do nothing

Often, I think that I want nothing to change and so I do nothing. Like when you have one of those monents where you feel all is right with the world the way it is, and so no matter how you got there, you are perfectly content where you are and You want nothing to ruin that moment, although, doing a thing might actually enrich the future. All that matters is that nothing changes, but let me tell another story that teaches a reason doing nothing does not work.

The charger on my tablet does not work very well. When I get it in exactly the right place I figure that if I do nothing, it will charge. But, although, I do nothing, it stops charging! So, obviously, more is happening than what I notice or even cause. The only part that confuses me is that it does not just start charging, but I must actually do something again, so I figure it is a way of teaching me something.

Since childhood I was taught that this life is the "time" we have to mess around with things until we get them right, and that is why I got upset that I was still alive after I should have died. Hadn't I already performed my labors? Well, for one, I would not be here to think that thought or write it for you to read either.

Should I even continue?

Often, I notice that my information exceeds attention spans, and The best way to make a point is to keep it short and just walk away. I really thought Twitter was going to solve that, but my mind does not stop and I do not really want it to. The more I share the more I think. It is a lot like the oil used to make bread for Elijah. Or how my parents explained the huge mounds of Pete Moss north of town in Sandusky. When you move some out of the way, more pops up to take its place.

One such new thoughts is that he who has fewer thoughts and smaller attention span himself will be the popular champion. Ha ha ha.

An original thought that had not made it from my brain to my fingers yet was that doing nothing could never create anything, and above all is my drive to create.

It needs to be at least mentioned what effect such thought has on this one in particular: Evolution is well enough a means, but it does not explain the creation of anything. A bang, no matter how big could never happen by doing nothing.

While I [should be] sleeping...

Just occurred to me that it is miraculous that an entire book or books spanning literally lifetimes and various cultures could be singular in ideals. I struggle keeping my own story straight or at least doctrinally congruent through out.

Reincarnation

Figured it out!

I was watching a video of Aurora singing in the woods as the audio track and the visual was of Rebekah and Isaac from the Bible.

At first I saw it and if I didn't know better I would think it was written for their story, it fit so perfectly, I was thinking more deeply and wondered if we all lived once upon a dream, so I got it. That was why so many people jumped to the conclusion that they must have lived before, it would explain so much...

I just need to include this song :

I Lived In Heaven (LDS/Mormon Primary Children's …: http://youtu.be/v6_EqtXhxo8

It tells the things every Mormon child knows (hence from the mouth of Babes, huh?)

Just wait

Today, I am not exactly sure what purpose such a thought has but it will serve as one of the blocks that create me.

Young and carefree me, in college, had the choice several times to actually decide if my happiness was dependant on physical attraction or intellect. And it was a simple choice. Though, years later I wonder if I was right. As everyone does around 40.

Rather than tell you what I think I will tell you what made me think. I considered being obsessed with a couple of boys, but I had promised to only date members of the church, so in deciding not to persue that love, I chose a love of knowledge. Which it seemed no one else did.

Later, I realized that I had merely been impatient. Now,  guys that I had not been interested in at the time because of their interests, were now interested in the sorts of things that at the time I would have been so content, but the very thing I ignored, the fact that they were attractive is no longer an issue, and so now, it is literally too late. I had been momentarily convinced that it was never too late, but clearly, it is too late to consider if I would be happy to love for appearance. Or would I? I thought that it was not wise to love for appearance, because it was too temporary, so it was better to love for intellect, but, now I see that with enough time anyone could reach a level of maturity that embraces knowledge. So, instead of choosing the better, I just chose the constant and made a choice that excluded and limited myself, or in other words, I denied myself the possibility if falling in love with someone for their body, or money or other things that would have only changed a temporary circumstance.

Never rest on your laurels

Just as sure as I am that there will be glorious and content moments where all is right in the world, this reverie will pass, as it should, or else we would forget the peril of others.

Refreshing!

The most fufilling moments I have ever spent are those in which I consider Jesus Christ.

Children

I was thinking a lot about how Abraham is known as father Abraham, but did not actually have many children. God had promised him that his posterity would be too many to number, ok. We all review the lesson of how God always keeps his promises regardless if we think it is possible. After all he went through, he still loved God, and gave him a rod sorry, that last bit was sleep writting and I kept it to amuse myself, much like my sleep conversation recorded  on tape when I argued with my teacher about Rhode Island and the electoral college, something I know nothing about. Interesting. I wonder. Mom and Dad said that I listed the US presidents in order while out of it in the hospital. So, my subconcious actually learned something from that Tuesday Thursday, after lunch history lecture can't remember any of my history professors names, but I loved that class. My western civilizations class at Ole Miss really changed my life. I remember the guy had the oddest accent. Findland maybe, hmm... Anyhow, Abraham proved worthy of being called a friend of God. Cool, huh? God friended him!

This is what stumps me. As a gift, and seen as the greatest reward and blessing? Posterity.

If ever I wondered the value of children in the eternal scheme of things (which seem dominated by ego) I know now that they are esteemed the highest gift Heavenly Father can give you.

unfinished thought

Where did the idea originate that upon sight a man and woman fall in love?

I really like literature where I find answers to such questions, but I do not know what author I would trust. Perhaps it will be unwittingly answered in an accidental observation.

Loki

I was thinking a lot about Loki this morning and how he is heralded as a sort of savior, but also brought so much vile and disgust to Asgard because of the way he saved it. He used dishonesty and trickery, to rescue. What I resolved from it was that the end does not justify the means.

So, my methods for fooling children to do what was best when I babysat them was wrong, as was my notion of finding a way to slip a drug or inception in an others mind, although, my desired results would be good, if the best truely happens on it's own anyway... Oh, but, no one was going to be able to save the gods anyway (acording to Morsel mythology) The reason Loki could even save them was because of his unique lineage. It enabled his to both be a part of them and yet not be, so he had insights unlike anyother. I think it was part of his person. His genetic make up actually allowed him to do what no one else could.

According to what I read yesterday, he had the makings of a good leader, he only made a tiny mistake in telling others what he did. I read, now it is a fault to believe everything you read (from a song) but, this was credible, it said that a truely great success is getting your result, but making it seem like it had another origin. Well, Loki messed up in seeking recognition for what he did, so instead of just doing and quietly saving the gods he told of the way he did so. And so making known his brilliance and cunningness, a thing of Giants.

A thing that troubles me is that Odin is the son of both Giant and god himself, according to Morsel stories of creation, which is a truly brilliant attempt to explain how man and earth came to be. So many things I had assumed unique to Mormonism finds a place in this mythology. (More thought required here, so I part ways with you, reader...)

One reason I love Cinderella

Regardless, her beauty and goodness is something she carries with her, so although to get what she wants she has to have things like a pretty dress, etc. It does not define her.

Unrelated

I do not know how to tie these two things together, but I cannot decide which one to write (dwell on) about.

1) the similar concept on Sophia the First and Jessie. It is that there is more than is obvious.

2) the warning I was given by a lady when she attributed her current misery to praying for a thing that she thought was what she wanted.

Bedtime

It is so difficult. Joseph keeps getting out of bed to talk to me. I know he us just trying to Eeek out another moment, but he said,
"Mom, there is something I want to talk to you about. It is a long word, and it is about Jesus, can I come talk to you about it? The word is crucifixion." I cannot tell him to go back to bed, so instead we talk about Jesus.                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Love is the power to overcome

I just keep thinking about how humble Christs beginning was and yet how much he accomplished. I think it is a good lesson for us they even if we think ourselves too less for a thing. If we continue on in, we can literally accomplish anything.

Worthy

I have a recent episode of "the 100" in my head where the president at Mt. Weather says that if he used people unwillingly to be able to go outside he would not be worthy to do so. This idea finds application all over, like cheating to get ahead. Would you really be ahead knowing you did not honestly deserve to be there. It is how I can understand justice and a loving creator. In a book by CS Lewis he depicted the people in hell visiting others and feeling so uncomfortable in any other place than the one they belonged.