Just wait

Today, I am not exactly sure what purpose such a thought has but it will serve as one of the blocks that create me.

Young and carefree me, in college, had the choice several times to actually decide if my happiness was dependant on physical attraction or intellect. And it was a simple choice. Though, years later I wonder if I was right. As everyone does around 40.

Rather than tell you what I think I will tell you what made me think. I considered being obsessed with a couple of boys, but I had promised to only date members of the church, so in deciding not to persue that love, I chose a love of knowledge. Which it seemed no one else did.

Later, I realized that I had merely been impatient. Now,  guys that I had not been interested in at the time because of their interests, were now interested in the sorts of things that at the time I would have been so content, but the very thing I ignored, the fact that they were attractive is no longer an issue, and so now, it is literally too late. I had been momentarily convinced that it was never too late, but clearly, it is too late to consider if I would be happy to love for appearance. Or would I? I thought that it was not wise to love for appearance, because it was too temporary, so it was better to love for intellect, but, now I see that with enough time anyone could reach a level of maturity that embraces knowledge. So, instead of choosing the better, I just chose the constant and made a choice that excluded and limited myself, or in other words, I denied myself the possibility if falling in love with someone for their body, or money or other things that would have only changed a temporary circumstance.