morning no more?

I had a thought strike me in a way that I found  unusual. I scoffed at things that pointed towards altering my schedule, but I clung all the harder at the intended opposition. Early to bed and early to rise, right? And U had that spike of who knows what at about 4am, and I like private time, and I was health when I would walk the kids to school each day (yeah, I forgot that I also walked them home after school, detail) but, today, I had to alter my schedule so that I might play a game with my firstborn daughter, and that was really important to me, more that the millions of like suggestions and nudges here and there, so I decided that I would simply begin my day later. Guess what? It helps that spike and refocuses it on rebuilding previous damage, and I will stop needing grocery items that cause trouble by not getting up and annoyingly interrupting my routine to fit my family's morning routine. Anyhow, the point is, I felt stronger and better and it seems to fit better with my environment if I sleep until about 6 or 7am Instead and just stay awake longer, instead of think that I have insomnia because I cannot get to sleep while my husband is playing video games. I will instead use the time I would have tried aimlessly to sleep to do crochet, or read and ponder things until I start to feel that natural tiredness. At this point, I actually feel like this is going to work so much better than fighting against everything to achieve stupid goals. I expect this realization is just another rung on this great ladder I have been wanting to climb, but felt damned and useless. 

In short, I have decided to slide my entire routine to a better time and feel extremely good about doing so.

morning thought

Doing a particular thing is not in and of itself wrong. I had a job and a car, and though it made no sense to quit and sell my car, I did it, and that is how my mobile game addiction started, and I nearly returned to it out of a desire to buy things for my daughter. But, I did not stumble that way again, though looking around I noticed things I had or paid for like my piano, my exercise equipment, redoing my shower, etc. I told myself that I COULD have those thing (as I have run out of make-up, shampoo, yarn, clothes that fit and want running shoes and an elliptical or treadmill), but I can simply do without those things as they are trappings themselves. Enter my morning thought! It may have been right to quit my job to be at home for the kids when they were small, but, perhaps it is right to have a job now, if only to keep myself from wasting my life playing foolish money-making games. I always think, but when I worked I knew 100 percent that it was not my duty to provide for my family and if I quit, I would be rewarded for my faith. It was hard. I absolutely loved my job! to the point that I actually tried to get a better job at the same place, and I could have, though life and circumstances were against me, and I realized it and gave up. It sounds like big talk, but even my Pat. Blessing states that I will accomplish whatever I set my mind to, so be sure to keep eternal perspective... heh, sounds like that Garth Brooks song, "The Dance". But, that is the sentiment: be careful what you want to accomplish because you will do it. So, getting a job can be done, it is a matter of if it should...I gave a speech about how mothers ought to be in the home, helping it run smoothly. And I just cannot get it out of my head that I might be doing myself peril in working outside of the home. Likely, all the things I want I would be better off without.

just thinking

I watch 1 Nephi over many times so that my mind will be occupied as my time passes. It is my desire to excert minimal energy but, remain moving for 2 hours...ok, back story over, I was thinking about how my daughter argues that it is foolish of me to continue doing something and expecting a different result when I the same thing has already happened multiple times. I realized as the Epic story folded regarding Nephi and his brethern obtaining the plates of brass. Nephi convinces his brothers to return, because it is plausible to them that their riches were left behind for such a purpose, but, when Laban still chases them out as robbers refusing to give the plates, I realize it would be extremely hard to believe there would be an intended way for things to work out, still Nephi keeps on trying. 

Laban's line was: we trusted the Lord and He didn't help us. And it does seem to be that way. I wondered in life, how often we are actually asked to do something, that we already know the result, but we are supposed to believe it will be different. 

I realized that it happened that was to try Nephi's faith, because he had to chose it over thoughts or "common sense". It continues that Nephi went to accomplish with no thought beforehand as to how to do it. That us similar to Abraham's Issac. He did not know how or even if thinks would work out... he merely obeyed. 

morning thought

This new training is kicking my butt. But, what I have learned is to love my days of rest, they are needed. I know this plan is working for me because I am able to sleep and eat properly to do it. I feel happier and like I am making progress towards something although, it is all virtual. I am doing a 12 week marathon training plan indoors, so it is not at all practical actually because as my husband pointed out, I cannot run, but, I can work out as if I were actually running, and one day when I actually can, I will be prepared. I believe my body was made for this. And, one thing I have picked up from all of my failed attempts is that success, albeit short-lived, follows a definite belief.

morning thought

I actually do not regret the time and effort I wasted just to realize that I was right. Years ago, I thought that I am probably just going to gain weight, so, just get rid of my old too small clothes. It is part of growing up to age gracefully.. that's  actually what both my grandmother and my mother plainly told me, still I had to learn the long drawn out way. I recall a video where a woman I admire explained how she gained weight when she started training for a half marathon. In high school, the top runner for our cross-country team was a shorter heavier set girl. I couldn't believe it when she beat me. But, whenever I feel stronger I also feel like I am eating too much. Just finally, as I started training for a marathon, myself, I realized that if I am going to perform well, then I need to abandon my obsession with loosing weight and accept that I am going to get larger. Likewise, a few year ago, a girl I knew was weight lifting and she showed before after and during photos and one of the first stages., she just looked like she had gained alot of size and weight, but then eventually started toning up and though her size did not shrink, she became more defined and is an accomplished weight lifter.

One last silly little anecdote is regarding a Norse God whom is well-loved. On a computer game a choice was made to make him a larger person. This was decided, given all of the information about him. It is funny though, that all of the gamers got upset and made fun of "Fat Thor".

My dad always said, " ask you are, I once was and as I am, you will become." My brother gained alit of weight, and I am next in line. I just accept it, at this point as part of my evolution. I chose to become a greater version of myself, and become truly beautiful, not some messed up version that would be impossible for me anyway.

My parents pointed out how my focus of weight-loss effects my children, too. My youngest son has been talking about how many calories he needs per day already, good grief! I will need to teach both my what I say and what I do. 

morning thought

I went to 1 Nephi, though I can completed it, and thought that I had a craving for Isaiah, so I listened to chapter 21 and instantly, I thought about the word pastor and how I knew that it was pastor, but in listening, alone I might hear pasture (later the word Pasture is used) and be confused, also I was determined to understand who "I" is and typically "I" always refers to the savior, but at this time I was thinking first of Joseph in Egypt and how he had himself from his brothers. Well, Joseph is a shadow of Jesus, so perhaps it is talking about Jesus, but then it say that he will be an instrument in making known  things unto the lost tribes of Israel in helping them know who they are and that this is no small thing. So, I decided it was Joseph Smith, and this was the first thought I had today. The second was that I messed up. I ought to be praying not trying to unravel scriptures. My dad was right, he somehow always knows and prepares my way of thinking so that I focus on and notice that correct things. Last time we visited he was talking about how cunning and thoughtful the new generations are, spotting easter eggs here and there, they always twist things and look beyond the mark...missing what matters most. I think that is exactly what the savior got so stinking mad at the news for, and why I gave Mary my Icelandic water to drink, to see a natural reaction. To a thing not being what it appeared to be (it was actually vinegar)she was likewise very upset. That's what I did in thinking about trying to unravel scriptures with my first thoughts instead of praying and communicating with my Father in Heaven...that matters most  (building a solid relationship - desiring that above all else).

morning silly thought

I wonder if I lost so much weight because I cut my hair.

I know what doesn't work, now. I will believe this will work for a while. Time wise it works well... we'll see.

6 - get up pray and study BoM

6:30 - radio taiso, stretch, tai chi for balance

7 - finish household chores then jog for at least 20 of the 30 minutes left.

7:30 - study Icelandic and walk

8 - practice piano

9 - make breakfast 

10 - eat

12 - flat abs 6 min workout

3 - porch sit til kids get home

4 - japanese walking

6 - eat & walk

9 - take a bath and set out clothes

9:30 - prayers and laptop charge

10 - go to sleep

morning thought

Two thoughts on my mind all morning.

1)How "Dandy's World" is a metaphor for life, and how important having the right community or team is in success.

2)I have never felt more keenly the desire to be good enough and purified enough to be able to please my father in Heaven.  I think it boils down to a greater understanding of my place in family. 

morning thought

How often are we asked to do something, by our parents or leader which we had already done? I was thinking about that because I was in Nephi chapter 19 where he talks about the record he already made, but then God commanded him to make another record and he explains that he can think of reasons, but that does not explain why nor should the why be necessarily known, obedience does not require knowledge,  infact it is a common phrase that faith proceeds the miracle... just yesterday I was listening to a talk where someone was talking about the ordinances and how they are performed at an alter, but even Adam when asked why this was done said that he did not know any more than that God commanded it.

2 thoughts or directions for further thoughts:

1) all of the times in the scriptures where the doer knew not how or why but still accomplished the thing.

2) How mankind likes to criticize faith as blind obedience.

morning thought

It is recorded in Genesis that Joseph would be separated from his brethren. And, it is so, when the story if his finding favor in Egypt, but, this morning I wonder if this is  metaphor, a type and shadow, or parable of sorts, of the book of Mormon peoples.

morning thought

Nephi built a ship although he didn't know how and had no tools. I am going to become a great runner, though I have no balance and am out if shape. But, if I ever do it, it will be because the Lord offered help. Nephi did built a ship that not only floated, but sailed all the way to America!

morning thought

As I was walking, and thinking about my true goals, and I looked at the person walking and thought,  different people have different body types, it us not a sample of "do this and look like this" I then thought of Gene Simmons, perpetually doing exercise, but never looking any fitter. And I thought, hmm, I will never look like that, my machinery will not work that way. Any if I did look that way, I would be about 50lbs heavier. That made me think about my grandmother telling me that when she was younger she thought being super thin and small was best, but now, it looks sickly, and unattractive. So, I thought how it is possible that Heavenly Father looks at our bodies and thinks how terrible that looks and yet, we still are so limited in our focus that we stumbled and praise that one look. Recently, I saw a video that addressed a group who all seemed near death they were so frail and that was what was sought after among that group. It seems satanic to me like screwtape plotting to destroy bodies by not using them properly or something, and really if we all could relax in our focus we might realize the beauty of life over being small. I have heard others refer to a large person as "healthy" and when I was in the hospital my doctors prescribed a boost (extra calories) with every meal, and often said that weight gain is directly associated with proper body function...it us a sign that a person is healthy if their weight increases.

So, it is not impossible for us to see gaining weight as a good thing,  but dialectical, I am cautioned not to go to the other extreme. Some body types simply are smaller. It is however we are all born but, I for one have previously failed to see the beauty in every type because I associate sloth and overindulgence as being responsible for weight gain, and this may be true, likewise Ozempic (drug use) may be responsible for being thin.

The world would be a happier place If mankind could stop judging according to appearance...that sorta goes with my premise that if women still wore dresses or made all the clothes their family wore, the world would be more content. There have been contributions made by pant wearing women that made the world a better place. That was an idea of the Teenaged Melissa....

morning thought

My favorite thing to do each morning is what I call " Chen circles " to the point that I thought and pondered trying to figure out why I liked them so much. I decided it was because my Tai Chi guide said they allow freedom of movement and it is in the nature of anyone who has an ounce of Scottish ancestry to love Freedom. Then, yesterday, I felt like listening to a podcast so I listened to an episode of "The Ancient Tradition" and the particular episode just so happened to be titled something and the Shen Circle. Which  was odd, because I feel like there is something just waiting to be known to me about the significance of "the free Masons". And a shen circle is an Egyptian thing used to build temples. At one point, I stopped all Tai Chi cause I saw symbols and wondered if I was not just exercising but performing rites, as movement is perhaps another way to hand down information from generation to generation, particularly Tai Chi does the same exercises as other forms of exercise, but you do not even need to realize you are doing them, to benefit (think of looking on the snake for Moses' people) for instance, if I say, Do 20 squats and 30 of balancing on one leg each day to improve balance, you would believe me, cause it sounds right and un do able, whereas, in Tai Chi (for balance) you do repetitive movements each day where your focus is elsewhere but, you basically are shifting weight and doing squats, and standing on one foot, but it is said, " doing Tai Chi everyday for weeks will miraculously improve your gait"... see?

Anyhow, I have noticed how my mind feels lighter and more able to focus. I feel like I dropped a few hundred IQ points, but they are my thoughts! More specifically,  this is my thought, this morning.

morning thought

I feel like everyone patronizes me, and they think they are being kind. It feels like pity. Maybe I do have severe brain damage and others really are only tolerating the village idiot. 

I wish I hadn't noticed that.

morning thought!

I started thinking, maybe I simply did not fast long enough, and could still get those sought after benefits. Instantly, I thought about how I truly believe that I was created and placed in this world to enjoy and use food, and I finally started to feel better and got sleep. I do not think it was worth it to fast, but, my mental abilities simply do not know. This was a Moses on Sinai moment where I was not going to be tempted because I could contrast the fruit of following one way as far superior to the other, so instantly, feeling like a bit was lost and regarding my fast to trip me up...well, that wasn'tgoing to work anymore. Now, my very thoughts were used and I began playing a game in my mind, an actual fun game, but I had deleted all my mobile games recognizing them as stumbling blocks, so despite my desire to play, I freaked out realizing my own thoughts were thwarting my desires to repent and improve. I long have had a goal to pray before anything else, but always think to do it right after I start my daily "fitness" routine, but because of this attempt to cause me to stumble  I was able to broaden my view and realize what was going on and instead say a prayer.

 I saw a video where a woman started each day with a sincere prayer and it was instantly impressed upon my mind what a great instrument she must be in God's hands, so that is what I prayed for this morning. I recognized that the struggle I had been enduring for years between my heart and mind had been nothing less that the struggle between the good and the profane. I realized and was able to turn back in the right direction, and it may have been a stumble and a set back, but knowing I am eternal it really matters where I am headed, not how far I am.

morning thought

Just a question repeats in my thoughts this morning: why did Nephi like Isaiah so much?

I won't give the obvious answer to me cause there are so many better thoughts that will result.

morning thought

It does more harm than good to reason out matters of faith.

Even reasoning out principles only makes us accept that they are reasonable.

My pet peeve is people in my life who have spoke about great miracles as if they could be found out or understood. I see in my life where I diverged to seeking out knowledge and thought I was shedding light on things but, as I look back on my life I wasn't niave or blindly following things, I just knew things for certainly.  I miss that girl. "It is good to be learned... " But, if that learning is lopsided, it is detrimental. 

morning thought

There was a fireside, which is a gathering tp be edified and this particular time the fireside was held in the Fairfield II ward building in Layton, UT. The focus was on LGBTQ+ and I wondered why on earth I attended, not knowing that my oldest daughter had decided that she was a lesbian. But, still not knowing that I had any reason to be there I was very impressed with the speakers, who were a couple, who had once both been homosexual, but were now sealed to eachother happily.

It taught me many things, but the main thing I recall was what the spirit taught to me. The two had been Latter-day Saints and friends which made the girl all the more sort of ostracized by her family, but that wasn't what I was being told to focus on, but instead it was the kindness and inclusion of her mother. Then, she said the most profound thing, maybe only to me. She said, " Despite her prayers and kindness, I was happy, and had no notion of ever rethinking any of the propaganda of her family. She was a lesbian and they needed to learn to deal with that and be Christlike, and realize what they were saying, cause if it is a plan of happiness, she had already found it....but, she had made one mistake, she kept her book of Mormon and kept reading it, and that was the kink in her armor.

Now, as I think about how important it was to Lehi and Nephi, or really God himself to have a rod of iron to cling to, regardless what happened to confuse you it could offer guidance and strength. I think that is what happened to that woman. If you know the Book of Mormon is true, then 9t follows that everything the church teaches is true, regardless how others argued on intricate points of doctrine, or even sweeping philosophies of belief. The ultimate safety comes from holding on to the rod, and just look at what it did for that couple.

So, ultimately I ended up learning about the power of the Book of Mormon, though there truly was so much else to learn. But, that was my thought this morning as I contemplated why it was so important for the Nephites to have some written record, although, froma very young age I was told that it was so that his entire nation would not dwindle I unbelief. But, really, could they even read in the first place? Now, my thoughts go to Iceland, and what role books and literacy play in Society.

morning thought

It is easy to fast and easy to run, unless you realize what you are doing.

morning thought

Realizing how much like Laman and Lemuel I am because I was siding with them and thinking how we only know the story from the way it was recorded by Nephi. Then, I started to laugh at myself for believing 100% it was true. But, if I really truly believed it, than I would believe that I could talk to God face to face. And if I ever questioned anything I need only ask Him. Pretty simple.  

    Laman and Lamuel were asked why they did not just pray to know such things, and they said, "God makes no such thing known unto us." And isn't that the sort of excuse I give all the time.

     Joe's vand is on a trip to Disney for the spring, but he did not go. When someone asked why. I Disclosed, as usual, he cited money. But, I started reasoning out how if that was his true reason, it could have been overcome in many ways. Then she responded with something truly important:

If money is the problem, there really isn't a problem at all.

I love that and want that to be the rake away.

daily pondering

I could tell I made someone mad today, and I never ever want to do that knowingly, though it was one of those inevitable things, like when you hate the way someone breathes, they have to do it and likely will again, though chances are they do not want to bother you.

I was suddenly thinking of several people and times that I didn't understand what was going on, but it could be that I annoyed people. But, then I thought, now, that is the sort of negative self talk I am suppose to notice and avoid/shun.

Ya know, God does not annoy anyone, oh wait, Laman and Lemuel were reprimanded saying that the things that offended them were not done to offend, but that truth offends the wicked, but if you have a huge fat butt and someone complains that your fat butt is taking up two seats, that is truth, but not nice. And honestly, when others do things in a way that seems backwards, we need not point it out.  Everyone learns at their own sped and are at different points. God is do far ahead if every living being, dealing with us must be constantly frustrating,  but he only chastises us when we need it. I ought to look daily for ways that I can place others before myself, so I can be worthy of the same consideration from God.

morning thought

I want all of my children to include me in their lives, So I am going to try to include Heavenly Father in my life, right now it is just by using my exercise obsession as a tool, combined with my hourly reminders to pray. My prays will start off as merely smiling and saying hi, which is just an acknowledgement, but I hope to build a strong relationship, much as I ought to have had all along with my covenants, but, although I am old, I wish to repent and find this new path home.

morning thought

I am full of gratitude. My lovelanguage is progression, so that is what I gave up to show that I love God more than myself but, my experience is that I make much much more progress when I stop trying to progress. For instance, I gave up my exercise time today to work on projects for other, and realized how much I usually serve for the purpose of appearing thoughtful or something akin to the gross sin of the zoramites with their ramiupten. This morning, I worked longer and harder with no thought of how it would appear. I might get fat, but I still have perfect faith that it will be ok.... " my shepherd will supply my need."

morning thought

One thing jumped out at me that needs repeating is this:

And that great pit, which hath been digged for them by that great and abominable church, which was founded by the devil and his children, that he might lead away the souls of men down to hell—yea, that great pit which hath been digged for the destruction of men shall be filled by those who digged it, 

To me, and I had never evennoticed this previously, so maybe it is an insight that can only occurred when you are ready for it, the creation of Hell is a construct of the church and not of God. Not a he'll but, a place of terror, eternal terror. And that those who will inhabit it are those who created such a notion in the first place.

morning thought

I need to start each day with prayer. I jump up and start my tasks, but always think. Before I even turned a light on I really ought to have said a prayer. Then on my daily list, I see morning prayer of gratitude, should have been done before anything else. I was answering a Journaling prompt that asked what I was proud of, and my first thought was I am proud of my ability not to need all the things that Facebook or people in general try to tempt me with. This morning, it was a free app created by all of the best thinkers in the world... my first thought was, " might work, but definitely prayer would and that sounds like a 'great and spacious building'. " I was so pleased that another stumbling block had been averted. Makes me think of David and Goliath actually. I am a tiny bit like David in that I can turn down temptations flatly because I know that God of Jacob is mightier and knows exactly what I need and can help me far better than any ivy league app can. After thinking about that I feel even more strongly that I really should have prayed first thing. Sure, He can help, but I need to ask if He will.... perfect segue, Book of Mormon time.... if you ask, you will receive!

morning thought

Baking is a great metaphor, it proves that everything teaches of God, it is only a desire that we need to provide. He can work with that! But, back to baking..as a homemaker, baking is a great thing to do. I fact, one Christmas we snuck into my ex mother in law's home and decorated her house and set up her tree. My then husband thoughtfully remembered that we ought to play one of her beloved Christmas tunes on repeat as part of the surprise, and then it occurred to me, like gesamkuntswerk in a musicology class we should use all of the senses to fill her home with love, so I baked some gingerbread cookies, so it would smell Christmasy, too.

This morning I heard a talk by Julie Beck where she likened baking fresh rolls to reading our scriptures as they provide an atmosphere.  I used to think I needed to play the right music or talk, but yesterday Joseph emerged from his room and tossed a pair of ear buds at me. I thought they were for Mary, because I had asked earlier if he had an extra pair, though not much discussion was had. So, I thought it was working, he was so sweet to go find them, and I promptly thanked him and turned off my music and gave them to Mary. Upon returning to my perch, I turned my music back on (His Eye is on the Sparrow) to hear the entire lyric, but n9 sooner that I did, Joe reemmerged and he was upset and said, "what do you thing those were for? Please, respect others. Your noise is diving my attention and I need to focus right now." Oooopsie doodles!

So, the idea I was ripe to receive was that if I just read my scriptures and do the things I value, the spirit will permeate my home and all who enter will be bless, no blaring church hymns required.

morning thought

During the ice storm what was at the root of making our community a zion wasn't something unobtainable,  it was the fact that they knew Christ.

The better you know Christ the more you love him and want to emulate him, or there is that scripture I love from the story about King Benjamin,  "When ye are in the service of others, you are only in the service of your God." And, you cannot serve the master you do not even know..... ok, ok, back on track... it seemed as I thought this morning, that the greatest worth to anyone ought to be getting to know our Savior. 

So, how do we do that?

You can answer that for yourself, me? Iam going to try prayer.

morning thoughts

I was actually reading about Nephi returning with his brothers to get wives to go with them, but as I let youtube continue uninterrupted the algorithm was allowed to play whatever and Book of Mormon videos ensued while I was crocheting away, but, I started to think alot about one thing, the things Lehi told his family before he died. Among those things was the way to know the time alotted for man to germinate in full was coming, or in other words Jesus was returning for good. And, among those signs he spoke of many things that led my mind down many paths. I truly love the book of Mormon if only because I have those words. Lehi is a great man!

I wonder what it would be like to be Joseph Smith and know that Lehi was talking about him, and that he was kin to native Americans,  but likely no suprise to him, but it was prophesied about his being sort of imprisoned, etc. Joseph Smith likely had alot of things on his mind,  but I supposed he might be a bit piqued of interest to hear prophesy about himself. 

Next I thought about the object lesson the missionaries gave about the strength of the book of Mormon. And, how i had promised the young women in Gallatin, TN and I currently can testify again, that there is a protecting power not just in the knowledge that comes as a result of daily study, but it brings what seem to be unrelated blessings to a life if they read and ponder it's pages.

It is related to the hemisphere of our brains that innately seem to know things. Like the way, people in a coma wake up speaking a language fluently that conciously they had never learned. I notice it daily as I play the piano, then realize that I don't even know what I am playing. Or that I cannot actually simultaneously hear and follow multiple parts at once. 

morning thoughts - miracles

As I was thinking about Nephi, I followed the usual thought process of how he surely exists due to the impossibility of Joseph Smith to fabricate him and his entire story. And while I was thinking about the sort of world He lived in I started imagining scenes from movies I had seen including his martyrdom.  This stirred up scenes from other movies I had seen but, not yet formed a conclusion on. One such was a scene from the show Vikings, where a priest told a miraculous story of how God intervened, and so the Vikings asked him to pray as they killed him to see if he would intervene again, and I formed a conclusion that God did truly exist, and obviously hears and answers each prayer, but he does not offer up signs and wonders to those who seek such proof.

When Jesus himself performed miracles he would comment or even weep that his Father would allow such a great miracle to be performed. And Jesus made it well known in His life that miracles were not done for the convincing, in fact, they were hid for the most part. And I recall another scripture that says that miracles are a product of faith not the other way around.

morning thoughts

Nephi flatly told us that knowing our pedigree was not of any worth to us, but, it was of worth (thus included in many of their books)to those living in Jerusalem. It is however important to know that he is of the house of Isreal. Specifically, of Joseph, whose blessing is very important to his modern decendants.among the blessings that come to every soul of the house of Abraham  is a blessing needed to assist in the gathering of all the house of Israel, specifically teaching them.

I was curious regarding how unbelievable it is that a being who was the father of many worlds would have actually chosen one group out of many. I have learned alot in pursuing that question.finally, I concluded that God "chose" Abraham before he was even born because of his nobility. One of his blessings once born was to sire the eventual vessel to house the very begotten son of God. Thereby, blessing all nations of this world.

So, ultimately person by person lineage is only important as to how it applies to redemption and return. So, Nephi is sufficed to know and share that he is a descendents of one of Jacob's sons.

meaning

I dreamed a situation where, after "the end" people, not sure who they were and it didn't pertain anyhow, we're talking about all the meaning they found though living, but they were glad to be done with that whole thing (they called that "whole thing" life). And approaching the group of people I added how much I agreed, and was about to make some more observations, but was shut down immediately as they disbanded and said that I have nothing worth saying about life cause I may have been present, but I didn't actually see what life was like. I felt really hurt because I rarely get offended or hurt, and that somehow discredited me from this massive personality shaping experience. 

So, there's being there vs. being there, and perspective and maturity that can, too change the meaning seen... I was thinking about lyrics to a song and how shaped they are by our experience. Blah, blah, blah...