Joy

I wonder where I got the idea that attraction right now will not equal the joy of finding peace in an other existance. But, my actions have almost always been out of whack with what is going on around me. It made me question things like the guy sings about in that song " World" by 5 for fighting. https://youtu.be/1JDY1KvoQYk

I wonder if I am just chosing to play by their rules afterall in deciding why I am not following their rules.

So, if I choose to build the sort of family I think I need. I chose that it is more important to sacrifice the want to fall in love and figure that is only "mortal" anyhow... There's more to this than love. But, it feels like agame show where you can take a prize which is awesome or trade it for the possibility of a greater thing hidden behind a curtain. I almost always take the sure thing, yet in this case I say " forget reality, I want the opportunity to be really happy instead of sort of happy right now."

Ugggh! Heavy considerations always do this to me.