Odd thing to think about, but it is just the thing I chose to mention. I was not blesses with being ugly or fat, and so both trouble me far more than they ought to. Let me explain. Recently, I heard on a cartoon my kids were watching that they were glad that things did not come easily to them because it forced them to learn to accomplish things which were not natural to them.
I was thinking about how I have never even considered make up or work out or diet growing up because I was already beautiful. But, when I got sick and now as I get older I see how much I struggle at things foreign to me. I never learned how to beautify myself, or how to handle weight gain.
All along I was aware of this bring a common malady and so, I tried to find fault with my self and how substandard I was compared to models lets say. But, I never actually thought I was. It was just the way life was, I thought. You need to find someone you think is beautiful that you will never look like and complain about it.
Looking back, though. I want to look like me, and I ought to be able to, right? Like tunning or playing piano or singing, etc. All are things that we learn to do so I should be able to just relearn them. Uh, tried, and have been trying for over a decade. Then it occurred to me, but, I can walk! And breathe!! And think and talk!
My daughter, Mary Anne, is such a sweet and lovely girl whom I want to shower with the things she wants, and I think I do, but she never appreciates them and that frustrates me... oh, ah hah! Children learn by example, if I do not appreciate what I am/have then it is not right to expect her to. So, I am trying to show my appreciation a bit more and age gracefully. I am different for a while, sure, but I am still me no matter what shape, and I will always be loved by God and maybe it was a blessing to not have had to worry about my body so I could focus on spiritual things and solutions.
I found a great deal of comfort in the story of Job and how Satan honestly believed that it was hos successes that made him love God and without them he would curse God and just die. But, He had an inner strength or as we call it "Zen" that caused he not to flinch despite hardship. IHe had just lost things...
But, I wanted to say how much I envy fat and ugly people who are accustomed to such trials and work through them because it will be that much easier for you when you age.
I used to despise make up. I saw it as a sort of mask. I did not want to hide behind a mask, subsequently I never learned to, as a friend said, "paint the barn."
If you ever doodle. Sometimes you alter what is given, sometimes improve...that is the whole point of clothes and make up and house cleaning. We strive to make what naturally happens more acceptable or presentable. The harder you need to work the better you are at beautifying. And so, I think it is a blessing to not wake up beautiful. In college I knew a girl wjo I thoughtwas the most beautiful girl in the world. But she and roomates told me that is not what she naturally looks like. It takes hours each morning. I have plenty of time, but no matter how I try I usually make things worse. And that is because I never had any reason to fix myself up, until now.
Maybe, I can get an hour of rest. Have a great day!!!
1 comment:
Although it doesn't seem fun to not "be like that" it occurs to me that it is very fortunate. You get to avoid the biggest plague of mankind, if has shown little to no weakness over the years. But, it is like my running and playing piano. I loved them, but not being able to do them saved me from the heartache of not being able to it as womderfullu as we like.
I am serious. I used to be an incredible singer, but it mattered practically nothing to me until I could not do it.
Then, I met a woman who sings sooooo beautifully. And she acknowledges it, and adds that she was likely given that talent so that she could use it for a very specific reason. It was a huge eye opener to me.
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