I am speaking specifically about my weight loss expectations, but what I found is applicable to many things because no matter why I say it, it is true.
It was so backwards mentally of me to keep doing the wrong thing and expect the right things to happen.
I knew that we were not defined by our physical beauty, and not to worry too,much or let it waste my time, or become a stumbling block. Beauty was a good thing to posses, like well groomed yards, but it is not the purpose of our being. A good point to ponder at this point would be why Godliness is closely related to cleanliness and what cleanliness refers to.
I believed that our charms were for young age to attract a spouse, and cause him to place you first and desire to care for a family. So, I never felt like I achieved that with my husband. It seemed no matter how I aimed to please, he was oblivious and actually said and did things that suggested that he was settling for me. But, wished that I looked like those other women he saw so, no matter how I tried to improve my appearance it did absolutely nothing. He did not desire me, even now, he is making huge strides towards being a better father and husband, but the point is he doesn't love me and has never done or said anything to show that.
It is very hard on you. When you believe that your eternal worth is assigned by one who probably would just assume that you die or something. But, I overcame a huge obstacle in learning that if you believe something true your faith becomes active, I believed and nothing happened, but had yet to consider that I was wrong.
I utilized various techniques told to help make you feel beautiful, but still believed that I was not beautiful unless my husband said so. Then, I figured it out. I was beautiful, and so were others, I knew that I was the daughter of a king and beautiful and that I had all of the latent attributes necessary to stop obsessing about how to be prettier.
I prayed for years to be radiant, and my prayer was being answered. My true beauty only needed to be cleaned and polished, it was never intended for display anyway.
This is for Latter-day Saints only:
Not because you are some elite member or something, but because likely only you will understand what I am getting at.
I used to lament and feel like it was fair that if we were a beautiful princess in the preexistance then we would be the same in our bodies, so that whole sweet spirit thing used to irk me. I didn't give a flip about how sweet my spirit was it should only be an ornament to a beauty that remained across lifetimes, I,mean we had to have a lifetime that included others didn't we?
I never thought that romantic love would really just be left to chance, if our families were organized before birth, and if we were intended to give a body to certain spirits and those spirits actually look like the spirits they house then genetics, I am ignoring mutations, genetics would need to provide a certain acceptable smorgasboard for imitating spirits. So, that would be a reason that marriage or parents could not just be based off of a mortal attraction, though I think mortal attraction is part of it.
We believe our children are counting on us to make bodies for them, so the would be concerned with trying to manipulate couples. I personally, think my parents are very desirable parents. They are very diverse and attractive. And my siblings are all outstanding individuals, I can see that much plainly, and it is very ego boosting to think that I associated with them and they allowed me to be part of their family. I do not really know how finding eachother worked, but I like the feeling that I get from thinking about my eternal family and that they actually chose to be sealed to me, although Nick chose not to, we must respect other's agency. And children do not acidentaly end up in a family.
Just this morning, uh, this has practically nothing to do with my self image, still, just this morning I was thinking about how Mary Anne is so extremely helpful, and that I suppose she knew that would be something I needed. Also, it has been commented how similar Brooksie AMD Mary are. That is something I always thought. The two are almost too much alike, but I can feel such pride in knowing that they chose to come be,my daughter's even if I was a tad ugly, they are both extremely beautiful!!!!
Though it would be helpful to tell exactly how I did it, I do not know. There are tons of little.stories that picked me up and helped my thoughts along their path that would ultimately end in self acceptance, but it just happened.
This life altering self concept came gradually and after years of struggling. Most of my struggle was so believe that I would find peace if only my husband told me that he thought I was,beautiful. Like a scene from Downton Abbey where Mary asks Matthew why he should trust her at all or be on her side. He explains that he has seen her completely naked and sticks around, what could be more scary or revealing? It is actually a very cute scene, one I never had, but *spoiler* he ends up dying then.
Anyway, my point was that if we are seeking and seeking but nothing is found. Probably, it is not the right thing. Being beautiful does not depend on anyone's opinion or trying to sway it.
I want to end with this song by Savage Garden:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSxx-IP6C_w&feature=youtube_gdata_player
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