head start

I worked as an assistant in the headstart program and felt for time like I was in exactly the right spot. I absolutely loved my job. One of the things embraced by the program that blessed my life today was that you cannot teach a needy person. If a child is hungry or cold or unloved that will consume their thoughts. So, we try our hardest to create a warm loving environment, and we begin with a big meal.

In my family I try to teach so I begin everyday with food and a prayer, and then we crack the scriptures.

So, how did this effect me today? Well, I had been obsessed with spiritual deficiencies and so, I failed to comprehend my physical concerns. So, I decided to instead of focus so much of my day/life on losing weight I would focus on improving my spiritual health, and doing so ended up freeing up my concerns to focus both my heart and mind on losing weight....and the conclusion is a whiplash!

So, my mom told me in my 30s when I gained weight and was beside myself (I had gained the weight by eating what the hospital gave me) also, my parents told me that losing weight is a symptom of illness, whereas gaining weight was a sign of health. Ok, so in my 20s I had been 140 lbs. Yeah, that seemed heavy at the time, but you must believe me that I looked much much better than is common. For context I am 5 foot 9 inches.  So, my mother finally convinced me that it was perfectly normal to gain 10lbs every teen years. I felt ok about it for a while, then, her mother told me that I was concerned about the wrong things. It was like Dicken's "Christmas Carol". She had been overly concern about looking a certain way, and looking back, it was stupid. She thought that she looked good at the time, but now she realizes she was too thin, and it really didn't make a difference at all anyway.

Ok, then today I had the realization that I was not even slightly overweight, which my dad always says, anyhow. I just weighed myself and I weigh 160lbs, but I am over 50. So, by the 10 years=10 lbs thing I am still under. I am not huge, just do not fit comfortably in the size of clothing I have. So stinking what? Now, I am thinking about a scene from the school of Rock.

https://youtu.be/AWUWmM8vroM?si=tWOYTNuJYzWG1kLh

Anyhow, I realized how brilliant my mother truly is. She told me about a week ago that she realized that dieting is pointless, and she looks wonderful probably always will.

I also realized that I am the oldest of three girls and as the older sister I need to set a better example of how to handle weight gain cause it is inevitable.

Now, I am not a proponent of obesity or anything, but for some reason I am looking beyond health and trying to fit some odd idea of beauty. I have had to deal with it all my life, but just now I am realizing the beauty of my body doesn't lie in some ideal appearance.  A Stargate Atlantis episode explains my sentiments best:

Crud, I cannot find it. So, I will explain it. Elizabeth Weir had ascended, but she exists without a physical form and she along with a group of others come to Atlantis to use a machine that can create a human body which they find incredible useful.