trouble of falling

Falling is fun and exhilarating to some people. My son, in particular considers himself a rollercoaster addict. Most memorable is that dropping feeling. Click, click, click then you pause and plunge and your stomach feels something! Likely, you paid alot of money to feel it too.

Another feeling of falling that people will pay enormous amounts to replicate is the feeling of falling in love.

Just the other day it was clarified in my thoughts and I wanted to offer a lifeline to anyone who is being "big D'd" in this issue, cause almost an entire generation of people were ruined and Decieved, I so closely was.

The thought came to me while my institute instructor was talking sadly about King David and his life and it got wheels turning for all of us. I had just made it clear in my head that David had been forgiven, cause for years I wept for his bad choice and how it ruined his marvelous potential. See, I am not sure if Satan knows of our particular weaknesses of comprehending the distinction between love and sex and dealings and marriages, but it was a big triumph for him when David saw Bathsheba and was fooled into believing that no one would know if he had Uriah murdered. He (David) was the one in power. It is that sort of thinking that has been used to make the greatest advancements and greatest failure's (in Satan's eyes). See, a wee back story, before I concluded the way our greatest gift could be used to ruin us, I heard this idea: "Well, he doesn't want to repent." 

For years, my greatest secret was that I felt sympathetic towards Satan and felt like he had seriously only been God's greatest servant in seeking to destroy everything. I always thought I merely had to figure out the way that he would understand and then surely he would repent and somehow me restored or something. He doesn't want to be forgiven and he already does understand. He is not like the Lamanites who would be wonderful instead of lithesome if only they knew the truth...but back to my original premise...

David fell in love, actually fell. See the parallel? no, not to rollercoasters but to Lucifer. I am sure David repented of his sins and accordingly forgiven, but who you are cannot be repented of. And who he is is one like unto God or as a song so perfectly puts it "a shadow of divine perfection" (from 'If You Sleep' by Tal Bachman). The part of him that is so merciful and loving was used to kill and destroy.

When I was a young adult, I loved the idea of "Soul mates" they seemed coming and it was an accepted thing that you find that one person and life would make sense. Everything pointed to that being true. But, one friend suggested that the whole notion of there only being one person who our success or happiness depended on was rediculous.

Lately, I understand many of the things he told me (which I poo pooed at the time). 

I avoided the entire trap by ascribing an entirely different philosophy...I would simply have an eternal family without ever waiting to fall in love and further, I would not put the success of my eternity in the hands of anyone else. But, that didn't work. I am still me, someone who needs to love others. Well, I love my children. And no matter what a spouse does or does not do... My children will do what is right, right?

Ok. So, I saw that families MUST absolutely be built upon a loving relationship, after all, it is that union that creates a family and keeps it together. And even if I tried to change (repent) that I do not feel that love, It would require falling or giving up my agency to chose to be in love, unless... I find that soul mate!!!

This is what I figured out! Songs, books, movies, culture, you name it. It all teaches us that Love is out there and without it, we are not complete, and it is only with one person.

This is not so, we can make a choice to be in love with any number of people. At one point I plainly told an older woman that she was being rediculous saying she and her husband were not compatible. Any two of the same species are compatible.

But, this is where a keener insight came. Perhaps, what David felt for Bathsheba was different and it is intentional. My friend that I mentioned subsequently told me that although it must be a choice there is definitely not only one choice. He told me that he had actually met several prospective "the ones".

Now, this becomes problematic because there does need to be a choice and it must be one of "the right ones" and in that I was wrong in avoiding love altogether as a stumbling block. It was because of how such attraction was used to ensnare David. And one cannot deny the attraction they feel as powerful and even divine or Holy, but it should not be altogether avoided, just to the point that one does not fall in.

Right now, I am reminded of a thing said in a movie which I love "Somewhere in Time" where the actress's mentor and agent warned her that one day a man would come to destroy everything. And he comes and asks her, "Now, am I scary?". Um, sorta... The unknown is always frightening. And the future is generally unknown but we gobble it up every day.